The Wine Snob!

Posted on July 31, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

When it comes to wine I admit I know nothing. A distant relation used to be able to tell not only where the wine was from, but also from which vineyard it came and what year it was bottled! However there are also those who know nothing but profess to knowing everything…

I have a friend
His name is Bob
There’s just one problem
He’s a wine snob

Now I don’t care
Where a wine is grown
For all I care
Could be Baldock or Rome!

When he last came
On the sideboard did spy
A ‘rare’ bottle of wine
“Please, oh please, can I try?”

I poured it out
He sniffed the wine
Made gurgling sounds
“This is so fine!”

“A little bottle
I picked up somewhere!”
That it was from Tesco
He was unaware!

He now thinks that
The wine at my table
Is much researched
– I choose by label!

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Official Taster!

Posted on July 30, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The secret of success with haymaking is the taste! Apart from a recipe for cooking lamb in hay it is rare to find it in a recipe book. However we now have an Official Taster…

Dolly the horse was excited
She sometimes gets that way
She looked into the barn
And it was full of hay

“I was just wondering if,”
She said with some surprise
“I might become an official taster,
To check your hay supplies?”

We gave her a handful of the finest
She sniffed and gave a snort
In an instant it was insider her
She spent some time in thought

“There’s the slightest hint of clover
Of timothy a merest taste
I’d better finish all the bale
Would hate it to go to waste!”

DOLLY-TESTED HAY IS AVAILABLE NOW!
CONTACT THE BARD (contact details below)

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
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Olympic Armchair!

Posted on July 29, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The Olympics are here and I am rooted to the armchair in front of the wide-screen. Sports that would normally hold my attention for less than two minutes have become must-not-miss events. Such is the concentration and effort needed, that I have been known to be quite out of breath at numerous finishing lines. Yet again Mrs Bard despairs at both my slovenly pose and non-Olympic body…

My Armchair Stadium waits for me
Right in front of my wide-screen TV
Twenty-six sports over sixteen days
I’ll get my exercise in so many ways
Yesterday I cycled with the men’s team down in Surrey
Having already rowed some heats without worry
Last night found me swimming in the Olympic Pool
I swam every length didn’t get wet at all
At last I went to bed exhausted with all the strain
This morning I’m up and ready to go through it again!

© Baldock Bard 2012
With many thanks to Alastair Pawsey for permission to use the photo taken in the Olympic Park

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Our Moment to Shine!

Posted on July 28, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning it is Great to be British. They say it’s the greatest show in Earth and we know do ceremony better than any other nation. Last night was a British triumph and the thanks of the nation should go to all those involved in making the London Opening Ceremony so spectacular. A special mention here of the late Edward Tufton who used to live in our tiny village of Clothall and helped design the stadium but never got to see its opening also our very own P.T. who was in on the first HD news broadcast from the Olympic complex on Thursday by the BBC.

Last night instead of doing sensible
I stayed up until almost one
Alarm four hours later no regret
An opening ceremony that was fun?

Being British we should have known
Those of us with doubt consumed
That part of our national psyche
Is the way we act all foredoomed

Forget the cost and confusion
Given some luck all will be fine
There will always be some cock-ups
But now is our moment to shine!

We bemoaned the cost
We bemoaned the torch
We bemoaned the Olympic lanes
The press led the outcry with articles
And fanned the dissenting flames

An American had the gall to criticize
How dare he poke fun at GB
We British are the greatest at ceremony
We just do it without “Look at Me!’

Last night we shrugged off uncertainty
And showed the world what we can do
The queen appeared with James Bond
Bradley Wiggins rang the bell too!

Yesterday dawned ‘rather cloudy’
Bells large and small they did ring
London’s ceremony laid down the marker
Now the Games can begin!

© Baldock Bard 2012
With many thanks to Alastair Pawsey for permission to use the photo taken in the Olympic Park
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
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Slacking Stacking Bales!

Posted on July 27, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

When I was seventeen I was shown how to stack hay bales. The stack I made yesterday looks superb from the front. However if you were to look around the back you would witness my shame – the stack has completely collapsed! My former boss would be so disappointed…

Many years ago today
I was stacking hay
When my Boss shouted to me “Come here you!”
“I will only show you once
Cos unless you are a dunce
You’ll pay attention and do exactly as I do!”
So I concentrated hard
And stacked bales in the yard
My corners the next morning were askew!
So he made me stack again
On my own it was a pain
But I learned to make my corners always true!

Fast forward to yesterday
When I was stacking hay
And my corners looked like the hind leg on a ‘Roo!
From the front it looks OK
But really I have to say
The back would make that bosses face turn blue!
It’s lucky now for me
That he will never see
That in forty years the things I’ve learnt are few!
So please don’t you repeat
My secret stacking feat
Or I’ll be a farming-laughing-stock thanks to you!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues Tomorrow morning 7am! 
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Dolly’s New Shoes!

Posted on July 26, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I’m not the only one that needs to diet! Dolly the horse who lives on the farm is forced to wear a bucket-like contraption on her head to stop her eating too much grass. She has become very adroit at circumnavigating the contraption and so it has little effect apart from making her very bad tempered…

It’s a bucket day for Dolly
Who lives upon the farm
She’s also feeling angry
A case for great alarm
She canters around the meadow
To find the tastiest munch
All the while she’s frowning
Today’s a light-ish lunch
And then she’s collected
There’s nothing to amuse
It’s her friend the blacksmith
To fit a pair of shoes
While he’s working behind her
She dreams of an arena
If only he fitted ballet shoes
She could be a ballerina!
With thanks to blacksmith Tim Prutton for being patient while a rather irritating Bard mooched around with a camera.
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
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Rogueing Ragwort!

Posted on July 25, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

As a precursor to more silly haymaking, we’ve been pulling Ragwort. Despite having pretty yellow flowers it can be fatal to horses when in its dried form in a bale of hay. So we went a’rogueing…

Many years ago
When I were just a lad
I’d be sent to pull Wild Oats
‘Cos Wild Oats in Wheat looks bad

Yes we had the chemicals
The effect just didn’t last
And the fields had to look perfect
For when other farmers passed!

We’ve been pulling Ragwort
In the heat so the hay is ‘clean’
We’ve pulled enough to clear the field
No yellow can be seen

So we’re off a’baling
Now the rouging’s done
And we’ll be jolly haymakers
Drinking cider in the sun!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
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BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Aurora!

Posted on July 24, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s been a bad week for Auroras. Few had heard of Aurora, Colorado before last weekend’s terrible shooting in a cinema. Possibly even fewer have seen the Aurora Borealis or Northern Lights (except in photographs). However one Aurora is fighting back! Aurora D is graduating from Southampton University today with a First. Her parents and all her friends are mighty proud of her. Go Aurora…

Aurora D is graduating today
Hip-hip-hip, hip-hip Hooray!
She will be throwing mortarboard in the air
Knowing hard work has got her there
For learning she always had a thirst
So we weren’t surprised she gained a ‘First’
Watch this Aurora set new trends
Congratulations to you from all your friends!
The Bard Family

Big Boys Toys!

Posted on July 23, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Having the right sized tool for any job is vital. When I received an SOS from a friend there was only one thing to do, hitch up the giant mower to the JCB tractor. It took ten minutes to do what would have taken the friend a whole weekend…

From a friend I had a call
Could you help my grass is tall
The summer rain had made it grow
There was no way he could mow

So we took down our big tractor
The tall grass height – the deciding factor
On the back our big wide mower
Cut the grass then cut it lower

Didn’t matter that the grass was wet
Was a piece of cake we lost no sweat
Now he’s happy we’ve saved his life
‘No longer the doghouse’ says his wife!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Perfect Summer Evening – at last!

Posted on July 22, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The Gulf Stream has finally shifted North! Up and down the country winter coats are being put away and shorts are resurrected. Looks like a sausage shortage could be next…

We’ve had to wait until the 21^st of July
To sit outside under a summer sky
Found garden chairs at the rear of the shed
Under an old car tyre and a rat that was dead
The neighbours joined us for a drink
Exposing flesh most of it pink
None of us could quite remember
This warm an evening – was it November?
I hardly drink so it was quite ironic
When I celebrated with a Gin and Tonic
We might be rash this evening it’s true
And attempt to find the barbecue!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: July 2012