Tunnel Vision!

Posted on August 10, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

In any job there are unpopular tasks that are put off until later. On the farm anything that involves crawling around in the small concrete drying tunnels under the grain store is left until the last minute. When I was down there yesterday I hit my head in the dark. Everyone has been questioning my every word since…

I was down in the tunnel under the grain store,
Mending a slide under bin four.
I looked up suddenly and hit my head,
When I came round a small mouse said:
“Please Mr Farmer may I request,
When down here, you wear a high-vis vest!
And also please I do insist,
You get out now and start harvest!
I know you think me a trifle rude,
But me and my family could do with some food!”
I replied and tried to explain:
“It’s been a wet summer we’ve had much rain.”
The mouse just shrugged in a mouse-like way,
“That’s a poor excuse,” then walked away.
When I crawled back out into the sunlight,
John asked me “was I was feeling alright?”
As I walked away holding my head,
He asked me what down there I’d said,
Over my shoulder on the way to the house,
“I was only chatting to a small hungry mouse!”

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow morning at 7am! 
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To The Boats!

Posted on August 9, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Rowing used to be all public schoolboys in blazers and straw boaters, with strawberries, cream and champers on the fourth of June by the banks of the Thames. Following Olympic success the net is widening…

“Inspire a Generation” said Lord Coe
Did he mean learn to row?
It would seem there’s a rush for the boats
Rowing or canoeing anything that floats!

One gold medallist who in a boat did row
Only started rowing four years ago
So if you are fit and feeling keen
You could be in time for Twenty-Sixteen!

There’s nothing like repeated gold
To attract new entrants young and old!

The St Neots Women's Eight training on the River Great Ouse

With many thanks to Max Heron for permission to use his photo from the rowing course at Eton Dorney.

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Gathering Pollen!

Posted on August 8, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I attended an interment in a pretty little Staffordshire churchyard. It seemed strange that everyday life hadn’t stopped for those around us…

The vicar intoned some solemn words as we stood around the grave. Heads bowed, umbrella handles firmly gripped, a rag-tag honour-guard for a much-loved wife, mother and friend.
Thoughts and memories skipped noisily between headstones like naughty children obliterating those final words of dust and ashes.
A quick glance at the surrounding countryside revealed a patchwork bedspread of distant crops awaiting harvest.
While here harvest is done.
All the while bumblebees enjoy the flowers of the Buddleia and life continues…

The Pendleton Post Box!

Posted on August 7, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

In a moment of genius the Post Office are gold-painting post boxes in the hometowns of Olympic Champions. The small town of Stotfold, near Baldock, has a new tourist attraction thanks to track cyclist Victoria Pendleton…

They’re over by the postbox
With camera and mobile phone
A famous cyclist comes from here
It’s Victoria Pendleton’s home!

It’s become a tourist attraction
Stotfold’s not had a rush before
It’s got a pleasant water mill
Traction Engines by the score!

If she wins the cycling sprint
There’s bound to be euphoria
Lets hope the gold doesn’t ever fade
For Stotfold’s ‘Queen Victoria’!

Baldock is quite jealous
There’s no-one there to win
The only thing that’s golden
Is a dirty road-salt bin!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Gold Medal Surprise!

Posted on August 6, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

A gold medal in tennis? Murray has a human side – again? Murray and Robson win silver in the pairs? Has the world been turned upside down? Time to celebrate…

I turned on the TV
I couldn’t believe my eyes
They’ll have to rename the place Win-bledon
What a Gold surprise!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
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Telford Dave’s Games!

Posted on August 5, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The Olympics have impacted on many people’s lives. For the last two weeks Dave from Telford has been at the Boot Sale. At first I thought he just happened to be on holiday ‘Down South’ but discovered that he is on a very different mission…

For the last two weeks ‘Telford Dave’ did appear
If it weren’t for the Olympics he wouldn’t be here
Not here for the swimming athletics or shootin’
But to spot the aircraft at Stansted and Luton!
Some of the plane’s numbers are incredibly rare
And that’s why he’s spending so much time there
He’s spotted Heads of State and some VIP’s
Some unique numbers have made him so pleased
To him an important time in his life
All thanks to his kids and most patient wife!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Disgusted of Baldock?

Posted on August 4, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

“I am disgusted to learn…” can be found weekly in the letters column of all local newspapers. It’s always best to check facts first before assumptions are made. This week, one of the busiest ever for Union Jack-waving, French and German flags appeared in Baldock High Street. Before rushing to put pen to paper I checked…

French and German flags fly in Baldock
Colourful against the sky
Various people became concerned
And paused to look and wonder why!

So I rang a local Councilor
Helpfully he explains
That twin-town folk are guests in Baldock
Here to visit the Olympic Games!

He helped to answer all the questions
About our Euro-brothers
The Union Jack flies on the church
(Of course much higher than both the others!)
GO TEAM GB!
You’re Making Us So Proud!
(Medals table Friday Evening 3rd August 2012)

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Man with the Golden Gun!

Posted on August 3, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Having never shined at sports I am envious of those who do. None more so than in sports I have tried. Missing clays with a twelve-bore gun is easy, hitting them consistently is something I’ve never even come within a country-mile of achieving. Peter Wilson, Gold medallist in the Twin-trap Shooting, you are remarkable …

Just when some were saying
It was over for Team GB
Not just one gold medal
Today they managed three!

I’ve no idea what it’s like
To sprint down a track
Or tackle swirling torrents
Team-mate at your back

Or hurtle round an oval
On two skinny wheels
Or win by a tenth of a second
I don’t know how it feels

But watching a young farmer
Shooting at the clays
I couldn’t have hit that number
Given six or seven days!

They are tricky little muckers
Seldom overrun
So Peter Wilson from Dorset
You’re the man with the Golden Gun!

Congratulations from fellow-farmer Baldock Bard!

Flying a Kite!

Posted on August 2, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Some friends are camping in one of our fields. In this uber-technological world we are so dazzled by the latest must-have bit or byte that we often forget simple pleasures. It is also the perfect antidote to a day spent in front of a computer. Give it a go sometime. It’s good to go back…

The old kite comes out of the shed
It’s hidden in there for ages
Unloved
Unkempt
Devoid of flight
Like a book without turned pages

But watch it soar into the sky
The wind beneath its wing
The shouts
The laughter
The oohs and aahs!
The joy simplicity can bring!

Tempus Fugit!

Posted on August 1, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

We are all living longer – undisputed fact! However debate is beginning to creep under the door in certain quarters as to the quality of life for the elderly. I remember a former teacher telling me shortly after her 105^th birthday that life was fine but she’d outlived all her friends. It is the portion of life of which none of us dare to speak…

Doris and Madge meet each week
At the community centre where they speak
About the past about their lives
When they were happy contented wives

They never discuss their numerous ills
Or the problem they have paying the bills
Or the grandchildren’s behaviour they don’t understand
A lonely retirement wasn’t what they’d planned

Mid afternoon when the washing-up’s done
They take their leave they’ve had some fun
With the final remnants of a youthful streak
They slow-race their walkers down the High Street!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: August 2012