Ahoy There Me Hearty’s!

Posted on September 19, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Sometimes we just need something that makes us smile. Today, 19^th September is ‘International Talk Like a Pirate Day!’ and so I offer you this from a seasoned landlubber. Shiver me timbers, hoist the Jolly Roger and follow the Baaaaard for a little pirating…

“Yo Ho Ho! Me Buccaneer’s
It’s ‘Talk like a Pirate Day’
Me hearty’s need some cheering up
While they ships lie safe in the bay!”

“Don’t spill the grog me Hearty – it’s a landlubber pirate party!”

“We be flyin the Jolly Roger
Lookin for Galleons to flog
We be loaded to the gunwales
An missed them due to the fog!”

“Don’t spill the grog Hearty – it’s a pirate party!”

“We ended up in Baldock
With bagfuls of pieces of eight
We tried both High Street banks
They were closed, we were late!”

“Don’t spill Hearty – it’s a landlubber party!”

“We set sail for the Capital
(right down the A1m)
We broke our mast at Stevenage
Won’t go there again!”

“Don’t spill a party!”

So shiver me timbers!
Cat o’ nine tails,
We’re crap at being pirates
We’ll stick to boot sales!

“Don’t shpill ze grog me Farty – ish a Randfubber pirache parchty!”

By the powers I must thank shipmate Ailsa for reminding me, ye be having a glass of grog on me – Shiver me timbers!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Rest in Peace

Posted on September 19, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

When PC Yvonne Fletcher was shot outside the Libyan Embassy in April 1984 the country was shocked to the core. It was shocking not only because it was the death of a woman police constable but also because it was a shooting of a police officer.

When a hail of bullets and grenades in a Manchester suburb mowed down two young police officers yesterday the shock waves that travelled through society were as intense as those 28 years ago.

The closest any of us are likely to get to this type of evil act is through the media. This is entirely due to the bravery of our policemen and women who protect us by night and day.

The thoughts of every decent person will be with the families, friends and colleagues of the two officers.

Rest in peace, Nicola Hughes and Fiona Bone.

Baldock Bard

Sweet Paradise!

Posted on September 18, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

When you were a child did you have a favourite sweet shop? I was walking through the small market town of St Neots in Cambridgeshire the other day, when I came across an old fashioned sweet shop. In I went (the excuse being to buy Hard Licorice for Daughter Bard), and that little voice in my head forced me to buy Coffee Creams. Now these are very difficult to find, so I set the sat-nav and vowed to return. Fast forward to a private moment with aforesaid chocolately-coffee-wonders and I discover that the shop has an online-department. Being a generous sharer (apart from Coffee Creams!) I just had to share this information with you…

I was scoffing Coffee Creams,
Hidden far from view,
When all at once I discovered,
They were available online too!

I went upon the Internet,
Typed in Sweet Paradise,
And discovered all the sweets,
I used to think were nice!

There I found Sherbert Fountains,
Aniseed Balls as well.
I re-remembered Pear Drops,
(their peculiar taste and smell!)

Did you like Dolly Mixtures?
Pass Jelly Babies around?
Did you innocently give some Sweethearts
To a girl in the school playground?

I’m not saying that I’m weak-willed,
But if I lived St Neots way,
I’d have to visit Sweet Paradise,
Almost every day!

Thank heavens for the web!
http://www.sweetparadise.co.uk
Also on Facebook!
And in St Neots at 4, Cross Keys Mews, where they have one of the friendliest shops I’ve ever visited!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Odd Combination!

Posted on September 17, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Apparently I am a ‘blunderer’! According to Mrs Bard, when I wake and crawl out of bed, I blunder about looking for clothes. As a glasses-wearer I find semi-blindness in the darker mornings a particularly trying condition and so I often end up wearing odd socks, sometimes worse…

I went to a shop to solve my condition,
And bought some bright socks to wear.
The colours were garish and by my admission,
I didn’t seem to very much care!

It was only after quite a short time,
When pairs I started to loose.
Everyone was laughing at dinnertime,
I’d moved onto odd-coloured shoes!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until mid-October! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Matteo’s Big Flames!

Posted on September 16, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening we had what may prove to be the last barbecue of the year. As the evening drew in the temperature dropped considerably and Matteo (see Bard passim: http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=1127), ably assisted by his Uncle Alessandro, decided to light the fire-pit! Four singed eyebrows later they announced their endeavour to be ‘an unqualified success’…

They do things differently in Italy,
Or that’s what Matteo said,
“We lighta de fire dis way,
Drya weeds forma de starting bed!”

We looked on with amazement,
As the flames leapt to the sky.
Instant heat soon warmed us,
He’d used diesel that was why!

In the middle of proceedings,
Uncle Alessandro poured more wine!
Matteo looked up from the fire-pit,
And claimed that all was fine!
Then came the timber,
Branches felled in June.
The flames licked around them,
I thought it way too soon.

They both carried the biggest,
A trunk that looked too long.
Suddenly “Hey!” they both leapt away,
Both had eyebrows gone!

Then the singing started,
“How we do-a de things in Rome!”
I can only suggest earnestly:
You never try this at home!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until mid-October! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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A Memorable Present!

Posted on September 15, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

It is always difficult choosing gifts. Make a mistake and the memory lingers like a bad smell. Like it did with Mrs Bard at Christmas many years ago when I bought what I mistakenly thought had been ‘admired’ in an Italian restaurant. The giant pepper pot didn’t really stack up to a friend’s wife’s broadcast joy of an expensive (and ‘new’) microwave! This summer I was treading carefully…

Mrs Bard had a birthday
I thought I’d better make sure
And buy her something memorable
What she’d like, (not a bike, or a saw!)

I looked around for a present
Cookery books she has every one!
Judging by the size of my stomach
That could be, for me, overdone!

I looked for something she could wear,
(She doesn’t like fashion at all),
I’d tried that avenue some years ago,
It was one, not fun, but a fall!

Then I thought of this years summer,
And looked to see what to get,
I’d heard with athletes they’d been popular,
So I got her a 2012 duvet set!

And she liked it a lot!
(Don’t try this at home. Results may vary, in some cases leading to painful and permanent injury)

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until mid-October! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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My New iPhone!

Posted on September 14, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning there are queues stretching around the world outside Apple stores. This is so the ‘lucky ones’ can say to their friends “I’ve got the new i-phone 5, nah-nah-na-nah-nah!” When I saw the new offering, a voice screamed in the back of my head: “Want one and I want one NOW!” However some hours later I realize that it will still receive those annoying sales calls, the same forwarded text jokes and exactly the same music that is installed on my present model. I will wait, I think…

Yippee! Yippee! It’s an i-phone five,
I want, I want, just to feel alive.
The screen is bigger and that’s not all,
To own one now would be so cool!

I’ve watched the keynote speech upon my Mac
I thought to myself “there’s no going back”
I watched the news reports on TV,
I want one now, can’t wait you see!

But then I realized I’d been had,
The hype had got to me, I was sad!
There’s no way queuing would make me cool,
Quite the opposite, I’d look a fool!

Now I’ve got over this little need,
The inner voice no more does plead,
Instead Mr Sensible shows no surprise,
I will just wait until my old i-phone dies!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this Saturday at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Nonchalant Caterpillar!

Posted on September 13, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Some people worry their way through life while some have a very laid-back attitude to problems. When my father-in-law died in his nineties he had the blood pressure of a man of 35! I would be a hypocrite if I suggested that we all should worry less, perhaps it’s all down to genetics…

A very laid-back caterpillar,
Once crossed a busy road.
When asked why he did it:
“To search for a new abode!”

I said, “surely its too dangerous,
Crossing busy roads,
Trucks are speeding by right now,
Carrying heavy loads.”

He replied with a don’t-care shrug,
“It’s just one of those things,
And anyway I soon will say:
It’s much easier with wings!”
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this Saturday at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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September Christmas!

Posted on September 12, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I went shopping this morning and came across a shocking display in a department store. I know I’m old and miserable to boot, but surely September is too early for these sort of displays? Who knows what this could lead to: Slade, Wham, Bing, Cliff, Band Aid and Dolly and Kenny wishing us all ‘Peace on Earth’ before the clocks go back…

September 12^th in a shop called Beales,
I was alerted by schoolgirl squeals!
Turns out they’d discovered a reason for mirth,
A full display celebrating Christ’s birth!
Santas, snowmen and Christmas gifts,
A late-summer surprise right by the lifts.
Of course I am mad, right royal hopping,
And so have started my Christmas shopping!
The only problem some might say:
Will I forget it before the big day?
So I’ve made a file on my computer drives:
‘Christmas Gifts?’ for when December arrives!
So thanks to the store for the fine display,
Just 103 days until Christmas Day!

Beat the rush!
Visit
www.beales.co.uk

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues Saturday 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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9-11 An Unforgettable Moment in Time

Posted on September 11, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Can you remember where you were on 9-11? Mrs Bard was collecting our daughter from school (it was mid-afternoon in the UK) and my son, David, called me from my office: “come and see these pictures of an plane hitting one of the Twin Towers in New York”. I reached the sitting room just in time to see the second plane, behind the Sky correspondents back, turn and make it’s way into the second tower.
The picture above was recently posted on Reddit with the caption: ‘The final picture of my cousin Gary – taken on September 11, 2001’.
That week (September 14^th 2001) I published the following verse in the local paper. How well it fits the photo…

Dedicated to Emergency Crews around the world and all those who have sacrificed their lives in the call of duty to save others.

They walk towards danger,
When we run away.
They answer our calls,
Both by night and by day.
Whether Moslem or Christian,
Doesn’t matter to them.
They’d risk their lives,
Then do it again.
How do we thank them,
For the risks that they take?
Cost cutting measures,
Small savings to make.
After events in New York,
What have we learned?
To value them all,
Give them the credit they’ve earned.

All efforts have been made to trace the copyright holder of the photo without success.

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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