Spiced Ham!

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Yesterday I had a very busy Inbox – ‘you have comments awaiting moderation!’ The number made me both celebratory and cautious at the same time: I’d either upset a whole host of readers or I’d touched a nerve in a more positive way. Trawling through them I discovered they were a product of Spiced Ham…

I opened up my E-mail box,
There was a big surprise:
Nearly seventeen hundred comments,
I couldn’t believe my eyes!

I started the process of moderation,
To find they were sneaky sales,
Looking to con my readers,
From L.A. right to Wales!

What in the world is a Cialis?
Does my butcher know?
If I wore designer shoes
On the farm would they show?

‘Louis Vuitton’ handbag?
Maybe ‘Microsoft 10’?
Pssst! Want a shady payday loan?
Or a ‘Cartier’ watch for men?

I’ve seventeen hundred comments,
All awaiting moderation.
It’s unfair to call them Spam,
When they’re just an irritation!

Postscript: In the twenty-four hours since posting this I have only had thirty-two offers of a pharmaceutical nature – Things must be getting better! 

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this Saturday at 7am!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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A Most Powerful Legacy?

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Some considered the Paralympics to be a runner-up to the Olympics. I believe that is no longer the case. Channel Four’s coverage in the UK has been remarkable, they have greatly helped change perceptions through their brave and ground-breaking broadcasts and presenters. The public’s insatiable appetite for entertaining, exciting and successful sporting action has enabled most to see beyond the missing arms, legs and other disabilities. Individual stories have uplifted a nation and reminded us that you don’t have to look far to find someone worse off than you, however once found they don’t seek pity, nor charity but acceptance and the odd Personal Best…

What was the moment you forgot the person was not simply disabled but a World-class Athlete?
Was it the tirade in the velodrome: “Four f*cking years I trained for this”?
(or the apology afterwards?)
or
Sarah Storey catching up with the men’s road race?
or
Ellie Simmonds unbelievable speed down the length of the pool?
or
Richard Whitehead’s amazing win in the 200 metres?
or
The shock realisation that you hadn’t noticed the commentator’s missing arm despite having watched him give numerous track-side reports?
or
The discovery that the Paralympics is not the only championships where disabled athletes can compete?

Finally…
For me, the individual story that I shall always remember, is how American gold medal winner, wheel-chair racer Tatyana McFadden came to the games. I make no apology for repeating it here.
Tatyana was born with spina bifida, paralysed from the waist down. She was adopted from a Russian orphanage at the age of six by an American, Deborah McFadden, who bought Tatyana her first wheel chair and then encouraged her to participate in sports as a way to keep healthy.
Mrs McFadden has said that every time she introduced Tatyana to a sport, she took to it right away: swimming, gymnastics, wheelchair basketball and downhill skiing. Apparently she kept saying “ya sama”, in Russian it doesn’t mean ‘I can do it’, it means ‘I can do it myself’.
After the Paralympics in Athens, aged 15, she returned to high school (having won a silver and bronze medal) with a wish to be part of the high school track team. but on the eve of the first meeting the coach refused to give her a uniform, she wouldn’t be allowed to compete. However after a complaint by her mother she was allowed to race. The other competitors in the 400 metres ran first and then the meeting was stopped and Tatyana was allowed to race – on her own.
Tatyana and her mother sued the Howard County Public School System. Deborah Mc Fadden had been head of the US Administration on Developmental Disabilities in 1990 when President George Bush signed the Americans with Disabilities Act that banned discrimination against people with disabilities. The lawsuit-sought clarification on how disability rights laws applied to high school sports. Tatyana wanted to compete alongside other high school students.
Her action was not only for herself, but also for others including her sister, Hannah, now also a world-class athlete.
Tatyana now attends the University of Illinois on a sports scholarship. More and more of these are now being offered to athletes with disabilities.
In an interview with NPR (National Public Radio), Deborah McFadden is quoted as saying: “I never set out to say, ‘Hmmm, I wonder how I can make her a Paralympian’, I was thinking, ‘How can I keep her alive?’”

I shall leave the final word to ‘Last Leg’ presenter Adam Hills, who said last night on Channel Four: “Sydney was the first games where Paralympians were treated like equals – London was the first time they were treated like heroes.”

The world has changed for the better, lets hope the change is everlasting.

Baldock Bard

Sources: npr.org, imgace.com, twitter.com, google.com, tatyanamcfadden.com, wikipedia.org  

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Ode to Harvest!

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Yesterday I broke a cultivator. While looking around for a suitable piece of steel to weld on and repair it I came across a bent piece of combine from many years ago. This discovery reminded me that the progress of harvest is sometimes less than smooth. Later I received a text from a friend: ‘broke combine after 3 hectares!’ I sat down and penned the following…

The screeching of bearings
The squealing of belts
The groaning of steel upon steel
That heart sinking feeling as you turn off the engine
And harvest becomes very still

Climb down the steps
Inquisitively anxious
Alone in the furthest far field
You open the guards smell burning rubber
Bang goes the profit and yield!

You call up the dealer
Explain to the storeman
Who wrestles with non-technical speak
Some of the parts are out of the country
They had one on the shelf last week!

It sits in the workshop
Disrobed and abandoned
The weather outside fine and bright
All you can hear is the sounds of the neighbours
They have been cutting all night!

One part is missing
(The one that is vital)
A forty mile dash is to do
On the way back you wave to your neighbour
His has broken down too!

At last the mechanic
Re-assembles the pieces
Repacks his toolbox again
You open the doors to continue with harvest
Alas it’s pouring with rain!
© Baldock Bard 2012

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Harvest Home!

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Last night we finished harvest. This year more than any other we are truly counting our blessings that we have a small farm, as all over the country there are many acres of wheat still to harvest. This is not only due to the wet summer, but also the wheat straw was still green while the seed was ripe. Modern harvesters require the straw to be dry in order to maximize throughput of the crop therefore covering vast areas in minimum time. By the time the straw was ready the grain was rapidly loosing both quality and value. As we only had a small acreage we were able to struggle on with greenish straw and get the grain while still good. The yields may not be record-breakers but everything is in the barn. The last crop to harvest were the beans…

Two questions that I’m always asked,
At this time of year:
“What’s that black crop in the field?”
Or “that crop looks dead I fear!”
That black crop is field beans,
Either planted winter or spring,
It’s what is known as a ‘break crop’,
Allows a rotation of crops to begin.
When harvested it’s dusty,
(But not in an air-con cab!)
We have to catch them before they fall out,
Beans left on the ground is bad!
Back in the barn they rattle,
Much noisier than wheat or oats,
In six months or so they will go,
To feed pigs, cattle or goats.
So now the harvest is over,
But there is just no time,
We’re already cultivating for next year,
(But that’s another day’s rhyme!)
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow at 7am!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Cottage Back Door!

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Staying with our friend in a cottage in Llanfachreth, North Wales, we went to look at a cottage he’d seen for sale. It looked too good to be true, and unfortunately it was. Everything that was good was immediately followed with a ‘but’ (there is a patio area overlooking the river, but it’s also the only place to park a car – one false move and car becomes boat!). It was also a beautiful sunny day, rose-coloured spectacles to the fore…

I’d love a cottage
A little Welsh cottage
With a river running right by the back door
And if I had that cottage
That little Welsh stone cottage
I’d be fishing with my rod from the back door

We looked at a cottage
A little Welsh cottage
Where the river flowed right by the back door
The price was bargain basement
I looked on with amazement
As the river flowed right by the same back door

I talked to some neighbours
Some very Welsh neighbours
They told me all about that very same back door
In winter it rains and snows
Flooding down the lane it flows
Through the front and out the same back door!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this Saturday at 7am!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Ignoring the Noisy Neighbours!

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Yesterday we headed down from our Welsh mountain cottage in the clouds, where we are spending a couple of days with a friend, into the nearest town. The scenery was breathtaking, a picture postcard view around every hairpin bend. The silence was absolute, until we were joined by some noisy neighbours…

Yesterday morning we went into town,
To do some shopping and look around,
It was not far, just down the mountain,
About eight miles but no-one was counting!
So we drove off down the roads single track,
Sat-nav was set to find our way back!
We drove through a narrow high mountain pass,
Hillside sheep were munching away at some grass,
When all of a sudden a deafening sound,
Of a low-level jet fighter hugging the ground!
To be flying that low, the pilots are brave,
I am convinced that I saw one wave!
When I had recovered looked back up the pass,
The sheep were still munching away at the grass!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues Saturday morning at 7am!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Unfolding View!

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I always say that you are only really lost when you come across grass growing down the centre of the road! On Sunday Mrs Bard and I drove to join a friend in a remote holiday cottage near Dolgellau in North Wales. I had forgotten how good isolation is for the soul (as well as no internet access or mobile phone signal within walking distance – good for peace but not for posting!). Apparently when the owners bought this cottage, mist and fog meant they didn’t see the view for four visits, we were somewhat luckier…

I wandered lonely amongst the bracken,
That encroaches on the cattle track,
Holding my phone up to the heavens,
To get a signal to call you back!
All of a sudden I had a thought,
Our conversation meant you’re well,
The spread of mountains that lay before me,
Meant all my worries could go to hell!
I suddenly noticed mountain colour,
Where before had been dark green and brown,
The world around had shared its beauty,
No prettier landscape to be found.
Back inside the former chapel,
All my fears just lifted away,
The hustle and bustle of my existence,
Left back home for another day!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues Saturday morning at 7am!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Tea Makers!

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The Games-makers (Volunteers) have been credited as central to the success of both the Olympics and the Paralympics. This is the public side of volunteering. It is what we British do well. Lesser considered is the almost invisible acts of selflessness that take place daily and upon which local events rely. Yesterday I was with a small number of volunteers, making tea for 170 guests, to celebrate the 200th anniversary of the founding of their chapel in the small Welsh village of Pembrey. Blessed are the tea-makers, the butter-spreaders and the washer-uppers, for their reward is observing the satisfaction others get from a well-made sandwich, cake or welcome cup of tea…

A small Welsh chapel celebrates today,
Two hundred years of Thought, Hymn and Pray.
They’re holding a tea in the Memorial Hall,
Another denomination? They welcome them all.

In the morning, a small team of helpers,
Gather to spread, cut and cling wrap.
It’s like a social, everyone chatting,
Quiet efficiency, no sign of a flap.
Mid afternoon, the guests all assemble,
Sit at the tables, “wonderful food!”
The spoken volume slowly increases,
“Another cake? To refuse would be rude!”

Everyone leaves, all in agreement,
“Fantastic tea!” they say or they think.
The hall is empty but in the kitchen,
Volunteers are gathered, working the sink!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Salek’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Outside Room!

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There are many thoughts on how to present a pitch at a boot sale. Some prefer items to be formally presented on tables and some like to see customers rummaging through piles on the ground. There are some who see the exercise as an excuse to outdo a John Lewis store window…

Mr and Mrs Albert Groom,
Turned their boot pitch into a room.
Pictures on ‘walls’, rugs on the ground,
It’s the finest outside room to be found!
The only problem I have to say,
So much stuff it’s probably still there today!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am!


www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Public Sunflower Failure!

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Sometimes the very best intentions go awry. In farming, mistakes that lead to spectacular weed growth almost always happen next to the road where sufferers of ‘Farmer’s Neck’ will be able to see and snigger (Farmers Neck: The ability to rotate head by 360 degrees to view a neighbours crops while driving past). The sniggering isn’t out of spite but a nervous reaction that suggests ‘there by the grace of God go I’ at the same time praising the fact it is somebody else’s turn. Yet again I am the source of Farmers neck…

There are places on my farm,
Where cock-ups should not be made.
More visible than at a wedding,
Toasting the couple with Lucozade!

Twice I drilled some sunflowers,
I thought they’d look fine,
Next to the car boot entrance,
Yellow soldiers all in a line!

First the frost came and killed them,
So I planted some more seeds,
I really don’t know what happened,
All that came were weeds!

So look for Fat Hen and Poppy,
If you visit the car boot sale,
And don’t let me catch you smirking,
At my public sunflower fail!

© Baldock Bard 2012

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am!


www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

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