Monthly Archives: March 2013

Dolly’s Proud of her Mummy!

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Dolly HGVThere was great excitement amongst the animals on the farm. On Friday a very excited Dolly the Horse rushed up to me to tell me the good news: Charlotte (her mummy!) was not only celebrating a birthday (Dolly was hoping for cake!), but also had also passed her HGV Lorry Test with flying colours. Now all the animals are looking forward to outings! Unfortunately there seemed to be a distinct lack of cake…

Dolly’s proud of her Mummy,
She’s passed her lorry test.
Just in time for Mother’s Day,
Dolly says that she’s the best!
Dolly wants an outing,
To a local show.
She’ll badger her Mummy constantly,
And then she’ll get to go!
Rosettes for her collection,
She will win (of course)!
But there again you must know,
She’s a very talented horse!

So if you see a lorry,
Coming from the farm with wheat,
Don’t be surprised,
Believe your eyes,
Dolly’s in the driver’s seat!

© Baldock Bard 2013
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The Skype Grandma

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Skype GrandmaIn a recent survey, it was suggested that more and more of us are living out our years alone. In many cases, due to family break-ups, families are living further and further apart. I consider myself so very lucky to see my granddaughter very often, however I always spare a thought for the ‘Skype Grandparents’ who aren’t so blessed.

She sits at the bus stop alone,
Wears a hat she once bought in Rome!
Her shopping’s been done,
Meals just for one,
And tins for the cat left at home!

Her husband has been gone for years,
She worked for one of the peers.
It was only on vacation,
She didn’t go to the station,
On retirement she shed many tears.

She did the best for her daughter,
(perhaps rather more than she ought’a).
As soon as she was able,
She bolted the stable,
A young man from abroad had caught her!

Her daughter has moved far away,
Too far to just go and stay.
She’s ‘Skype-Granny Rose’,
And her sorrow grows,
She’ll never see the baby at play.

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Racing Farmers!

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Drilling BeansThere are a number of famous motor races that include racing at night, Le Mans being the most well-known. Less renowned is the annual race when farmers are busy planting crops in the Spring. In this race the rival is the weather. For a few, bragging rights, over other less-fortunate farmers, are sometimes seen as a bonus…
Night WorkIn the dark the tractors work
Racing to beat the rain
When it starts it may not stop
Like last year again?
Fill DrillThe drill is planting bean seed
The rolls follow on behind
They’ve been on the go since 7am
In Spring that’s what you find!
Bean SeedLate at night the world is still
The tractors in the barn are found!
Empty bags of seed as well
The contents in the ground!
RollsTodays verse is dedicated to the memory of local farmer Peter Hughes who died last week. Peter enjoyed telling a good story and was a wonderful raconteur. He was a contented farmer who loved the land and his community, serving for more years than can be counted on his local Parish Council. Wherever Peter went, laughter was never far behind. One of his famous quotes resides in my file of quotes: When speaking about an Uncle Morton who was a shepherd who never said much, he added: “Take more than a bright star and a second coming to get him going!”
Rest in Peace.

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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The Versemonger!

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The VersemongerI had just parked my car in Baldock when a novel idea struck me: a shop where people can buy poetry as easily as a joint of beef or bag of sweets! What is wrong with the Butcher, the Baker and now the Verse-maker! I could sit in the shop and write verse all day, every day (except when popping out for cakes and sweets!) until I become too fat to move. #Getbackinyourboxreality…

Good Morning Mrs Jones,
What is it that you’d like?
I’ve some fresh Sonnets in,
And Rhymes that sound alright!

The Haiku’s seem a little short,
They’re fresh in from Japan,
We’ve Carpe Deum just for today,
And Epitaphs with life span

The Doggerel is out of season,
Couplets come in pairs,
Burlesque shakes a shapely leg,
With Epic under the stairs!

Let me put that in a bag,
Today’s Verse can’t get younger!
Look forward to seeing you back tomorrow,
At Baldock’s finest Versemonger!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Bogged Down with Cultivations!

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Cultivate 131This has been a strange twelve months weather-wise! A year ago we had drought and were worried that there’d be no rain to germinate the seed. Once the rain started it didn’t stop. My father always told me (regarding rain): “The ground is like a drunken man, the more it has the more it wants!” Judging by parts of the field we’ve been cultivating I can honestly say it’s had enough and it’s time to go home…

Cultivate,
Before too late,
Because the weather,
Doesn’t wait!

Cultivate 132Don’t forget,
Ground is wet,
Oh my heavens!
Tractor’s set!

Back to farm
Raise alarm!
Pull me out?
Tractor back to barn!
Mud© Baldock Bard 2013
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Modern Regency Bath!

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Jane Austin StampsYesterday was a crisp frosty morning. On the way to cultivate some land ready for drilling beans I ran into Dolly the Horse’s support team. Apparently Dolly’s mummy, Charlotte, had gone on a hen weekend to Bath. I though Bath was very much a genteel, quiet-mannered, old-fashioned town, more used to literary festivals and time-warpers who dressed like Jane Austin. I was obviously wrong! The thought of it as a centre for raucous pre-marital high-jinks seemed an alien concept, however if it suits for Bath then there might just be hope for Baldock…

A hen party went to Bath,
Simply to have a laugh.
It wasn’t the drink,
Made them sick in the sink,
But a curry that made them all barf!
Getting Ready for Hens© Baldock Bard 2013
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The Bear in the Chair!

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Bear in the ChairMany years ago I remember seeing a bear in a shop window. Yesterday while walking through town with my granddaughter I came across a shop window that contained a bear in a chair. Times had changed but it was a familiar scene. I couldn’t let the opportunity pass…

There once was a bear
Who sat in a chair,
In the window of a shop in town!
He’d sit there all day,
Not a word did he say,
Never blinked not even a frown!

Along came a child,
In a pushchair styled,
Like the expensive one in the book!
He looked at the bear,
Just sitting there,
And said to his mother, “Look!”

“If we give him a home,
I’ll call him Jerome,
I’ll be a good boy all week long!
I can’t bear to see,
Him there so lonely,
If you buy him it can’t be wrong!

So she bought him Jerome,
And they took him home,
Left behind his empty chair!
Twenty years later,
If you visit his mater,
The bear from the chair’s still there!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Child Minding Grandpa!

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Grandad + PramHave you noticed how many of advancing years are out and about pushing prams and walking toddlers? Either there has been a sudden advancement in fertility treatment or financial hardship has made grandparents a cost-effective alternative to employed child-care. However it has been suggested that Google is replacing grandparents; kids now look stuff up online rather than asking their wise old grandpa…

“Grandad, I’m so hungry,
What have I got for tea?”
“I should go ask Google,
Or your mother, don’t ask me!
We’ve already done the shopping,
Been down to the dry cleaners,
A visit to the DIY stores,
To repair your misdemeanors!”

“You know your mother’s ordered me,
You can’t have any sweets.
You’re not allowed to eat those crisps,
Or any unhealthy treats!
She says I’m not to spoil you,
Give in to you at all,
She’s has completely forgotten,
How it was when she was small!”

“I think we got away with it,
Telling her we were home,
When she rang to check on us,
On her mobile phone!
As you’ve been so good,
We’ll buy some sweets to munch,
So long as you don’t tell her,
We went to the pub for lunch!”

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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St David’s Day

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Field of DaffodilsToday is St David’s Day. As the patron saint of Wales it is a day to celebrate all that is Welsh. Many Welshmen hope that the celebration carries over to March 16th when they play the ‘Old Enemy’ (England) rugby team in Cardiff. In my case it is also a day when I remember all those in the little Welsh village of Pembrey who welcomed a rather strange Englishman into their family so many years ago, they may mostly be gone now but the memory remains, diolch…

I wandered lonely on the hill,
On a mountain outside Rhyl
When all at once I saw yellow frills,
A host, of golden daffodils;

This can’t be the Lake District
With rain and gales!
On March the First,
This must be WALES!

With apologies (and respect) to W. Wordsworth Esq.
Thanks to Petr Kratochvil for the picture http://www.publicdomainpictures.net
Also a massive thank you to all of you who have visited this blog in my first year, all 25,390 of you! A million thanks to you all!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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