The Last Saturday Lie-in!

Posted on April 6, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you remember going back to school? The excitement of meeting up with old friends, the prospect of making new ones and a slight nervousness about what lay ahead. I have just had my last Saturday morning lie-in for six months. Next Saturday at this time, I shall be wearing my headmaster’s cloak to welcome back customers for our twenty-first ‘term’ at the car boot sale! Meanwhile today I luxuriate in my last work-free Saturday…

I’ve just enjoyed my last lie-in,
the last until November.
When boot sales start,
it’s up with the lark,
(so long as I remember!).

The alarm clock has been serviced,
at least it has stopped snowing!
Every year,
alas, I fear,
takes more to get me going!

The bed-magnet is quite strong,
its warmth is always pleasing.
Hitch up the loos,
rather than snooze,
and hope the field’s not freezing!

So next week if I’m honest,
I’ll pray that nothing fails!
Vacant stare,
(just body there),
“welcome to our sales!”
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

The Baldock Boot Sale returns on 7am Saturday 13-4-13
www.u-boot.co.uk
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Living in Interesting Times!

Posted on April 5, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

There are those who point at the leader of North Korea and laugh. There are some who are imprisoned in vast gulags for doing just that, and then there are those who are extremely concerned about the prospect of military action. It is a complicated scenario with an unsteady clown taking centre stage. The late Billy Reeks, from our village, lost his youthful innocence on that peninsular in the early fifties during National Service, let’s pray the lunacy can be tamed. An old Chinese saying, that can either be taken as a blessing or a curse, says: May you live in interesting times…

Kim (son of Il) went down the hill,
to look across the water!
Kim looked round,
and blearily frowned,
And contemplated slaughter!
Kim went back to Pyongyang,
to wave at a marching troop,
He made a play
at the US of A
With rhetoric and theoretical nuke!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  
The Baldock Boot Sale returns on 7am Saturday 13-4-13
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Craze!

Posted on April 4, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

I was driving through London yesterday and saw a troupe of young ‘scooter-ists’ on a pavement. This set me wondering (as you do when stuck in traffic!) of all the crazes that I have seen in my lifetime, from skateboarding through to the latest must-have shoot-‘em-up console game. Most have become lost in the mists of time, remembered only by aged bores, who long to grip the idiocy of youth one last time! Then I remembered the Sleek Streek balsa wood plane and in the midst of a chaotic London traffic scene, went off on one…
Years ago when I were a lad,
There was a craze, (which today, some would call sad!).
The Sleek Streek came in an original flat pack,
Balsa wood model (often arrived with a crack).
Construction was tricky with three fragile pieces,
Some uncles made them for nephews and nieces!
Wind the propeller around gently by hand,
This would stretch the long elastic band!
Then into the air with a gentle throw,
The propeller would spin and off it would go!
However landing was a much greater art,
Mostly it would crash and fall apart!
I remember a friend who went to my school,
Tried to land his on the swimming pool!
He’d even spent time making balsa wood floats,
…unfortunately it didn’t!

The Baldock Boot Sale returns on 7am Saturday 13-4-13
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Silent Segue!

Posted on April 3, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

I was queuing in the local bank. When a teller became free, the girl standing in front of me didn’t move. I coughed politely with no reaction. Thinking she may be hearing-impaired, I lightly tapped her on the shoulder. She turned, gave me a withering look and advanced towards the vacant window, but not before I’d glimpsed the tell-tale white wires trailing from beneath her hair…

When Ear-bud Erika walks the streets,
Her head is full of crazy beats!
Wherever she goes she never hears,
Because of the music in her ears.
In the bakers nothing was said,
Because she was listening to tracks from Bread!
In the estate agents quiet as a mouse,
She was tuned in to Techno-House!
In the showroom a Bavarian Motor Werke,
Tune was Autobahn by Kraftwerke!
A friend suggested a Pink welly,
She replied “not on your Nelly!”
Down a one way street without correction,
“It’s OK, as only One Direction!”
Someone offered her a glass of Vouvray,
“I’d rather have a glass of Michael Bublé”
Passed an undertakers nothing said,
She was entranced by the Grateful Dead.
On the golf course she was seen
Putting, OK, Cee Lo Green!
At her party her boyfriend took pics,
of her listening to NOW 26!
Through the day folks called her a @$&*
Didn’t hear, thanks to James Blunt!

Picture Notes: I always try to use my own pictures. On this occasion I feared for my health had I attempted to photograph the subject. Therefore I have used ‘The Girl with Pearl Earbud’ by Aaron Jasinski, a wonderful piece of art based on ‘Girl with the Pearl Earring by Johannes Vermeer.

The Baldock Boot Sale returns on 7am Saturday 13-4-13
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Dancing Cock Pheasant!

Posted on April 2, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

All around the farm, cock pheasants are trying their very best to impress a mate. Dressed in their finest plumage, they puff out their feathers in a vain attempt to look larger and more macho than the competition. The poor hens hide themselves away and feign disinterest. All the while secretly laughing at the ridiculous attempts at courtship. It is an area where internet dating has yet to reach…

Strutting through the garden,
Doing his Cocky dance,
Wearing his brightest colours,
Going to advance!

On some poor innocent hen,
All drably dressed in brown,
Won’t be very impressed,
When Mr Cocky comes around!

Ignores his obdurate,
Playing hard to get,
Let him puff and strut,
Won’t become his pet!

He dances up to her,
Shakes off all the dust,
It’s then that she relents:
“Ok if you must!”

The Baldock Boot Sale returns on 7am Saturday 13-4-13
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Not Banbury Cross!

Posted on April 1, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

I have always liked nursery rhymes. Their often deceivingly difficult rhyming patterns, along with pantomime-style double meanings, conspire to catch out the innocent reader.
My six-month-old granddaughter is a delight, in fact had I known what fun it was to have a grandchild, I’d have chosen to have one before children! I took a photo of her astride a toy pink pony. A very amateur ten minutes with Photoshop and an idea of a new version of a classic nursery rhyme took shape. So this is my take on ‘imitation being the sincerest form of flattery’…

Go to the races, Royal Ascot of course,
To see a young lady upon a pink horse!
With bling on her fingers,
The air through her toes,
She will be a winner, her Granddad knows!

Have a great Holiday Monday!

The Baldock Boot Sale returns on 7am Saturday 13-4-13
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: April 2013

The Last Saturday Lie-in!

Living in Interesting Times!

The Craze!

The Silent Segue!

The Dancing Cock Pheasant!

Not Banbury Cross!