The March of the Chocolate Santas!

Posted on October 9, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

While shopping with Mrs Bard yesterday I came across a row of chocolate Santas. Given that it is early October and we have yet to sample the delights of Halloween, I wondered if it wasn’t a trifle early for them to be seen in such numbers…

A row of chocolate Santas
lined up on the shelf
What are they looking for?
Maybe a chocolate elf?

Their sleighs seem to be missing,
There’s little sign of toys,
Will they be ready,
For all the girls and boys?

It’s only early October,
76 days to go,
We haven’t had a frost yet,
Not a sign of snow!

Every year it’s earlier,
No berries on the bough,
The Christmas rush has started,
Buy your chocolate Santas now!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
Twenty-one years and still selling!
FREE parking and entry for all buyers, princesses, dogs and aliens!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Stan and the Big Yellow Dinosaur!

Posted on October 8, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I sat in a queue of motorists caused by some major roadworks. I have always been fascinated by the primeval actions of those giant diggers you see in such places. Having occasionally driven one of their smaller brothers, I remain amazed how, even at my very basic level of operator skill, the digging arm becomes an extension of the operators body and thoughts. However watch a professional and the machine comes alive…

Stan drives a big yellow dinosaur
They dig by the side of the road
Lorries queue behind them
Ready to receive a load

He’s an operator on autopilot
His mind is mostly elsewhere
He daydreams of far off countries
Giant machines live there!

They sit together at lunchtime
Packed-lunch is wrapped in foil
Eat fancy thick-grease sandwiches
And drink hydraulic oil!

One day he’ll just go feral
Take off with his machine and roam
They’ll rip their way through the forest
In search of their natural home!

‘Lilo’ The New Puppy!

Posted on October 7, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Some friends came to stay for the weekend and not only brought their two children and their dog, but also a new puppy. Once the dogs had settled into a temporary pack, they behaved better than either the adults or the children! But Milo (nicknamed ‘Lilo’) was the star of the show…

Milo lies,
Feet in the air,
Say’s “rub my tummy,”
Oh, yes, right there!

Around the garden,
To and fro,
Legs sometimes fail,
And over he go!

No ‘parcels’ left
On the floor,
Only water splashed,
Where he drinks once more!

He seeks forgiveness
For all he’s done,
“I’m really sorry,
Forgive me mum!”

He’s only little,
Easy to train,
But we all say:
He can come again!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

The Joys of Grandfatherhood!

Posted on October 5, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Yet again the eyes of a nation are focused on a case of child abuse so horrific and abhorrent that it is hard to believe. Yesterday my granddaughter was one. I almost feel a sense of guilt for enjoying the joy she brings. If you are lucky enough to have a little one, give them an extra hug today to let them know how very special they are…

There’s a little Google-eyed Bug,
That lives nearby,
Had a birthday yesterday!
She’s got some teeth,
And a wonderful smile,
But no words does she say!

There’s very something special,
About a grandchild,
Brings most men to their knees,
They’ll crawl around the carpet,
Doing anything to please!

So Happy Birthday Google-eyed Bug,
I wish you many many more,
And while my knees are true,
I’ll still join you,
Playing with toys on the floor!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

That Time of Year in Baldock Again!

Posted on October 4, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

If you’re thinking of driving through Baldock today you’d better breathe in! The normally spacious High Street with its grassed piazzas and large car park has vanished. Even the market stalls have been pushed up to huddle next the Town Hall like three old ladies on a seafront in February. The Charter Fair has arrived in town. Love it or hate it you have to admire the resilience of the showmen who have fared worse than most in these difficult times…

I saw Thomas by the ‘Teacups’,
We exchanged a word maybe three,
He’d been setting up since daybreak,
He looked up at the sky with a plea:

“Please may it not rain tonight,
Please may it stay dry all week,
Because if it is raining,
Despite all my training,
Takings will be harder to seek!”

Naturally I was sympathetic,
The forecast was not bad today,
I crossed my fingers for his fair ride,
And the others for me, Saturday!

Running On Empty!

Posted on October 3, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s National Poetry Day, a day when we celebrate one of the few arts that is almost invisible to the vast majority! Some years ago I mistakenly sent a poem to a national competition. It sank without trace! The following year I was a little more successful, until one year I was runner-up in the local round of a national competition. Unfortunately I was beaten into second place by a seven-year-old girl – Oh the indignity of losing to a verse about a pet hamster! The verse wot I rote has been lost to the mists of time. So to celebrate such an important day I bring you another of my loss leaders…

‘NEXT SERVICES 15 MILES’
Sign passed at speed
Low fuel warning light demands attention
Gauge reading ‘Empty’
Ponder important questions
Cut speed in effort to add miles?
Or increase speed to reach fuel quicker?
Did I renew breakdown insurance?
Do they sell petrol cans at filling stations?
Will I be fuel-less in mobile phone blackspot?
Do I leave motorway and search unknown towns for fuel?
Do I risk running out on side road?
Switch on radio
Pray for traffic report not to mention heavy traffic ahead
Catch traffic report closing jingle
Switch off radio
Traffic increasing
Contra-flow starts
Herd of heavy lorries ahead crawling up Everest sized hill
Can feel fuel lines sucking every last drop
‘SERVICES 1 MILE’
Pat pocket for wallet
Countdown to exit begins
///
//
/
Not far now
Drive round endless loop road to reach fuel pumps
Past Car Park
Past Coach Park
Past HCV Parking
At last!
The pumps
Pull up beside pump number 3
Stop engine
Relief
Fill car
Enter shop
Fill basket with drinks, sweets, sandwiches
Two magazines I’d not normally buy
And petrol can!
Pay £76.28 for petrol
£29.85 for other goods
Drive away
Rejoin motorway
Pass man walking on hard shoulder with can
“Silly Sod!”

Out Of My Office Window (I had a thought!)

Posted on October 2, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

First thing this morning I walked out to read the rain gauge. It read 4mm (1/8^th of an inch in old money). Yesterday we had sprayed the fields with a pre-emergence weed-killer. Back in the office I looked at the chemical bill. One of the chemicals had cost £90/litre! That’s over four times the price of an ordinary whisky! My mind yet again searched for alternatives and yet again failed to find a solution, apart from whisky…

The rain is falling from the sky,
The timing couldn’t be better,
My crops are ready to go, go go,
But the soil needs to be wetter!

Yesterday we sprayed the weeds,
With pre-emergence spray,
So when they poke up from the ground,
They’ll just fade away!

There’s only one small drawback,
It comes at thirty days,
The day we have to pay the bill,
For expensive weed-killing sprays!

Could we go organic?
Pigs we used to grow,
In thirty years even we broke,
As the bank manager used to know!

Could we go into dairy?
Milking cows twice a day,
The price for milk is decided,
By supermarkets – not fair play.

So all those great muck-makers,
Who would fertilize the field,
Oh! I also forgot more regulations,
Would not help with my yield.

So I am left non-organic,
Fertilizer from a sack,
Weed control from an expensive can,
That, I suppose, is that!
(until the next latest, greatest, farming-fad…Cheers!)

Empty Seed Bag Time!

Posted on October 1, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening John finished the rolling that follows the drilling of wheat and oats. All the seed is now in the ground. It is a time of great relief and all that can be done now is sort out troublesome weeds and wait until the spring when the crop will need feeding with fertilizer. Relief floods the farm…
Sow,
Sow,
Sow the oats,
In a nice straight row!
Now all we need is rain,
So the oats will grow!
Roll,
Roll,
Roll the oats,
Gently it may seem!
Crushing all those nasty clods,
Seedbed like a dream!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: October 2013