And the winner is….

Posted on February 3, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Apparently we are slap bang in the middle if the awards season. The Grammys have been, as have the Golden Globes. However the real deal is to come – the Oscars (apparently not named after a South African athlete)…

I’d like to win an award
Get up on the stage
Tearfully read out thanks to all
That would take an age
I would gracefully hurry back
To my seat at table
Fall right down the effin’ steps
On top of a girl called Mabel

I would make the news
Buried on page four
Then wake up the next morning
Exactly as before
But there on the mantelpiece
A garish piece of shmersch
Gathering dust and tarnish
A reminder of crap verse!

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Babysitting the Granddaughter!

Posted on February 2, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Mrs Bard and I have taken on one of the worlds most demanding jobs. We are baby-sitting while our daughter and son-in-law have gone skiing.
I think we’re doing it right…

Toys are scattered all over the floor,
There’s chaos everywhere,
The dog is sitting expectantly,
Under the child’s high chair!
Some of the lunch hits the target,
Most of it covers her clothes,
A yoghurt is offered for pudding,
Much of it spread on her nose!
Finally the meal is over,
A grand wipe-round with a cloth,
The menu has been a disaster,
I wish I’d given her broth!

Dolly and the Mischievous Geese!

Posted on February 1, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

My granddaughter is rather angry at the moment. Her geese have gone feral. In other words they are doing what they want, rather than being visible from a window when required. I found them yesterday in Dolly the Horse’s field, causing mischief…

Dolly the Horse has been talking,
In conference with the geese,
They told her she was the prettiest,
That she had a golden fleece!

They told her she was capable,
Anything she could do,
Could she kick over the feed bin?
So they could have oats too!

They told her she could fly,
They said ‘over the gate you go’,
She galloped off down the paddock,
Flew over the gate just so!

There was only one problem,
The geese munched all the oats,
Poor Dolly was left with no supper,
Would now rather share her field with goats!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: February 2014

And the winner is….

Babysitting the Granddaughter!

Dolly and the Mischievous Geese!