Driving Down to the Sea! (on a Bank Holiday weekend)

Posted on April 19, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Apparently this Easter Bank Holiday Weekend sees the largest traffic numbers on our roads for the whole year. It is also the busiest time for the breakdown services as cars are expected to go on long journeys without proper servicing or care…

“Lets go down to the sea,” she said,
“Let’s go down to the sea,
We can show our Jack the boats and the sand,
As he’s now turned three!”

“Did you service the car?” she said,
“Did you service the car?
We don’t want a truck to bring us back home,
Because it’s really too far!”

“We’ll have fish and chips” she said
“We’ll have fish and chips,
We can sit on the harbor wall and eat,
And show our Jack all the ships!”

“Why did we park on a slope?” she said,
“Why did we park on a slope?
There’s room in the car park over there,
You just have to pay that bloke!”

“What’s that falling in the sea?” she said,
“What’s that falling in the sea?
Are you sure you put the handbrake on?
‘Cos it looks like our car to me!”

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Monkey Business (wot no bananas?)

Posted on April 18, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

In the local store yesterday I noticed an extraordinary sight – they were almost completely out of bananas. In fact such was the sense of devastation at the banana selling point that it looked as if it had been ransacked by hungry monkeys…

They came running in at half past five,
At the store near Railway Drive
Rushed around the shop like hungry piranhas
Emptied the display of fair-trade bananas!
When the manager tried to intervene
They called him names quite obscene!
The local paper never slow to press
Headline wrote: Monkey Busy-mess!

Cinderella’s Missing Shoe!

Posted on April 17, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

While clearing out my car, I came across a shoe. It has provoked a mystery as it doesn’t belong to either Mrs or Daughter Bard. Some people (rather cruelly in my opinion) are even beginning to suggest it might be mine. It is a mystery that I fear may never be solved…

Oh Cinderella where are you?
You’ve left behind a strappy black shoe,
I found it when I cleared out the car,
Now I wonder who on earth you are!

It is not one that I ever remember,
I don’t wear heels my feet are tender!
Would be quite useful in a flood,
It can’t be mine because there is no mud!

So Cinderella please step forward,
Do you live in Bedford, or even Norwood?
If you want it please just you call,
Then at last you can go to the ball!

The Last Daffodil

Posted on April 16, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

We have one daffodil left under the flowering cherry tree. A daffodils departure often goes unnoticed as our eyes feast on blossom. This year I have been out and thanked her for her unique colour when all around was still drab and winter-like…

A lonely daffodil called Dilly
Was standing alone by a tree
“I’m the last one left
I’m quite bereft
There’s nobody left but me”

All the others had petals a-crispy
Their time was over this year
They’d said their goodbyes
With watery eyes
Next year they will reappear

Under the tree filled with blossom
The lonely daffodil made clear:
“I am quite sure,
I’ve done this before,
I’ll see you again in a year”
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Early Morning Alarm!

Posted on April 15, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Did anyone else notice how bright it was, early this morning? No? I woke early (as all good farmers do, to milk the chickens or similar), and convinced myself that I’d overslept! Being so keen to salute the new day I crept back into bed for another two hours…

I woke up in the middle of the night,
And almost got up it was so bright.
I went to the window drew back the curtain,
Was time to rise of that I was certain!
As I crept back across the floor,
I realized it was just half-past four!
I narrowly avoided getting up too soon,
I blame my demeanor on a very full moon!

Sailing Against the Tide!

Posted on April 14, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I watched a man sailing a boat on the river. Nothing out of the ordinary you might think! However to use sails in the ‘land of the plastic cruiser’ rather appealed to me. This was the ultimate in sailing against the tide as he tacked his way down river…

Why be conventional when there is something to try,
why follow the herd when someone asks why!
So hoist your red sail and turn into the tide,
there are so many challenges, rough seas to scream and ride!
Nothing is easy unless you give it a go,
you could just sit and watch it slip to and fro!
Or you can go and grab life by the horns,
beware the prettiest roses always have the sharpest thorns!

The ‘Invisible’ Mend!

Posted on April 12, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Son in law John and I went bonking yesterday. We put the post-bonker onto the JCB Loadall and replaced fencing posts down at the car boot sale field. When we returned to the farm I decided to put the bonker away in the shed. Carelessness led to a toppling over: cue some speedy mending…

The Baldock Bard has been a fool,
put the post-bonker through the shed wall.
Son-in-law John looked up to the sky
and asked the Almighty, “Why, oh why?”
A mend was needed before anyone saw,
The wall was not like it was before!
So with speed we cut a new profile sheet,
And bolted it on – repair complete!
Son-in-law John driven round the bend,
when I said it was an invisible mend!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Intense Calibrations!

Posted on April 11, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

In the movie ‘Safety Not Guaranteed’ (trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73jSnAs7mq8), the actor Mark Duplass (playing a time traveller) tells Aubrey Plaza “My calibrations are flippin’ pin-point, OK?” We had to check our calibrations yesterday, not in our DeLorean, but in our more down to earth fertilizer spreader. Some time later all calibrations had been checked and it was time to feed the crops…

It’s feeding time on the farm again!
The crops are growing without refrain!
In order to make the yields even better,
We get out the great big spreader!
Fertilizer is expensive stuff,
So we order just enough!
In order to avoid calculative destructions,
Firstly we read all the instructions!
We fill the spreader with a ton,
Calibration starts the fun!
Then to the field to amaze,
We’ve put out several trays!
These catch the prills from the speader you see,
Have we spread with accuracy?
With great relief the spread is correct,
Paperwork will show the spread’s been checked!
All is well and there’s no hitch,
We’ve spread in the field and not in the ditch.
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Back to my Future!

Posted on April 10, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I was talking with an old friend yesterday. We came to the conclusion that despite making many mistakes during the course of our lifetimes, there wasn’t much we’d change if we could hop into a DeLorean with Marty McFly. However upon consideration, I might purchase a mouth lock for future use…

I often say:
The wrong things,
at the wrong time,
to the wrong people.

I seldom say:
The right things,
at the right time,
to the right people.

I so often put foot in mouth,
that I’m ever cautious,
about where I tread,
as you never know,
what might be stuck,
to your soul!

Apparently this is known simply as:
LIFE!

Splitting Logs (not hairs)!

Posted on April 9, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I have said before that splitting logs for kindling with an axe is a most rewarding occupation (particularly when there is a need to hit something inanimate rather than animate). However when there are large logs to be split it is much easier to use a mechanical splitter…

Splitting firewood is no slog,
just like falling off a log!
You put the wood up to the worm,
Hold the round nice and firm,
All of a sudden a crack does sound,
and the log’s no longer round!
A few more times it’s become all logs,
Easier than in catalogues!
And all that’s left is to stack the shed,
Almost easier done than said!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Monthly Archives: April 2014