The Harvest Breakdown!

Posted on July 31, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Machinery breakdowns can be frustrating at the best of times. During harvest, when the chance of a ‘weather event’ is high and everyone is tired, they can test the most patient of people. Luckily yesterday’s breakdown was swiftly dealt with by our local friendly engineer…

The combine was poorly,
Its concave wouldn’t budge!
We had to wait for an engineer
To come and give it a nudge!

The expert soon arrived,
Looked at the problem and said:
“They never seem to go wrong,
When they’re sitting in the shed!”

…He then fixed the problem and harvest resumed!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Three Wheels on my Barrow!

Posted on July 30, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Getting ready for harvest always means something gets left off the list. We have an old barrow that collects the small seeds off the cleaner in the grain store. While maneuvering it into position from its hibernation cave, something went wrong…

Three wheels on my barrow,
Makes pushing awful hard,
Suddenly it came to a halt
As a wheel rolled down the yard!
I think I might have fixed it
And now it’s ready to roll
Cos three wheels on your barrow
Makes you lose control!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

We Shall Remember Them

Posted on July 29, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

On July 20^th 1914, my grandfather started harvesting winter oats. He employed 23 men on the farm and most work was done by hand. It took a week to cut and cart 60 acres of oats. By the end of 1918 three of those men lay in unknown graves in Northern France.
Today we are starting our harvest 100 years later. By the end of today, three of us should have cut and carted to store 52 acres worth of oats.

Maurice Barnes, aged 34, died 23^rd April 1917
Albert Presland, aged 23, died 12^th March 1915
Harry Hollingsworth, aged 28, died 3^rd August 1916

At the going down of the sun,
And in the morning,
We shall remember them.
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Farmer’s Rash!

Posted on July 28, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I have a rather nasty seasonal allergy at the moment. Its symptoms include: sleeplessness, sweating, worry and an unfortunate ability to make rash decisions due to blind panic. Harvest looks like it’s early for this region and I’m in headless-chicken mode…

I saw a combine and on came my condition,
I rushed out to a field to check on its position,
Is it ready for cutting or is it not?
Back to the farm, moisture meter I forgot!
If it’s sunny for the next few days,
Will we be ready to harvest raise?
It rained this morning, didn’t expect that,
Must recalculate my calculations, damn and drat!
But now it’s sunny, the heat is growing,
Will it make a difference that the wind’s not blowing!
Did I order diesel? Did I order oil?
Are there dust masks for the harvest toil?
When we start to cut, the panic suddenly goes,
Why another seasonal allergy? Heaven only knows!

Picture shows a neighbour combining in order to throw me into a blind panic!
Thankfully I have North Herts Farmers at the end of the phone to sort me out and calm me down! Thanks to all in the office!

Mrs Brown’s Favourite Supper!

Posted on July 26, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Following a visit from a marauding fox, our four remaining hens are a motley crew! However they are all characters in their own right despite having uninspiring names (Mrs Brown, Mrs White, Mrs Bit-Grey and Mrs Halfway-Up-The-Drive!). Yesterday evening Mrs Brown was ecstatic to see some granddaughter-leftovers, her favourite food…

Mrs Brown is a very happy hen,
She’s got pasta for supper again!
She just loves left-over-night,
It sets her up to sleep just right!
She’s not very fond of potatoes,
Sprouts just aren’t her thing,
But pasta and carrots float her boat,
And make her hen-heart sing!

The Farmer’s Tan!

Posted on July 25, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

At this time of the year a farmer’s tan comes with the job. Apparently (and I have to take this on trust as I’m allergic to mirrors), I look as if I should be toiling in Mediterranian fields rather than just outside Baldock! But put away all thoughts of a bronzed hunk and replace them with bronze hulk…

I’ve got a farmer’s tan
I guess it’s supposed to be
I’ve got it on my arms
And it’s on my knee
It starts when I go hay cart
And topped up during harvest
I know it could be much better
If I wore a singlet vest
Now that I am old
And I’ve wrinkles everywhere
Nobody notices my farmers tan
And I guess I just don’t care!

Golden Star Apples in Watford!

Posted on July 24, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

For some time I have had trouble with my I-phone. It was an irritating fault where it would only charge if the charge cord was wrapped around its body. I finally decided to take it to an Apple store and solicit the help of a Genius…

My I-phone would not charge
Oh dear what should I do,
Harvest is just around the corner,
I need a phone that’s true!

And so I went to Watford,
To the ‘Genius’ counter,
They took my phone away from me,
In a swift encounter!

“It’s OK now!” the Genius smiled,
(he’d probably seen enough),
The reason it wouldn’t charge at all,
In the charge point – i-Belly-Fluff!

The staff at the Apple Store in Watford were superb, they didn’t poke fun, they didn’t laugh, they were just extremely welcoming, kind and efficient.
Bravo to the Watford Applers!
The Baldock Bard Gold Star is an occasional award when somebody or an organisation does something outstanding or surprising in their field and deserves commendation.
Previous Winners:
Nov 7th 2012 – Belinda at the Deli counter, ASDA Stevenage
June 9th 2013 – Staff at the 3 Store, Stevenage
Jan 14th 2014 – Humane Parking Enforcement, St Neots

Campervan Travels from Number Thirteen!

Posted on July 23, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

There is a house that I’ve known for about seven years that has recently been sold. Part of the landscape of this property is a ‘car-port’, which houses a luxury campervan. Whenever the campervan was missing I used to imagine it’s location. It didn’t really matter if I was right or wrong, as it was never confirmed! However it allowed my imagination free reign as I walked around the shops…

The campervan at Number Thirteen,
Will soon be seen no more,
The house displays a ‘SOLD’ sign,
Outside the white front door!
I wonder where they’ve been?
And will they go again?
Do they like the South of France,
Or maybe prefer Spain?

Or have they travelled further afield,
To Turkey or even Greece,
Or have they been to Katmandu,
To visit a distant niece!
I shall never know where they go,
As soon they’ll be gone for good,
Do the newcomers have a campervan?
I really think they should!

Abandoned Rose in the River

Posted on July 22, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I was in a riverside pub garden recently when something colourful caught my eye. In an eddy behind a fallen tree, amongst the takeaway cartons, garden trimmings and general surface scum, was a single abandoned red rose. How it arrived there and why it had been rejected in such a startling manner, I could only imagine…

In the pub garden, by a river, the young couple sat,
watching the boats and stroking a cat!
The young man wondered, ‘when shall I ask?’
The girl gripped her vodka, her face a stone mask.
In a carrier by his feet, with some romantic prose,
a small dark blue box and a single red rose.

He dropped to one knee, holding rose and ring,
she hissed, “get up now, you ‘effin-daft thing!”
Without looking back, she made a dash for the door,
Leaving him certain, he would see her no more.
Ring back in his pocket, he flung the rose far,
into the river and walked alone to his car.

I’ve Been Framed by Collapsing Chair!

Posted on July 20, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

It is a blessing that there are very few photos of me in circulation. My image tends to crack lenses, cause power cuts and destroy hard drives! However an embarrassing photograph has surfaced so I deemed it important that I release it before others take the opportunity. Needless to say not a drop of drink had been taken, you’ll have to believe me on that one…

I was sitting very comfortably,
Underneath a tree,
When all of a sudden,
The chair gave way under me!
Everybody laughed,
I thought with some relief,
Nobody had a camera,
‘You’ve Been Framed’ beyond belief!

And then to my amazement,
A picture of my fail,
Legs in the air upon my back,
Arrived to my E-mail!
So thank you Hazel for the snap,
I suppose it serves me right,
If I can’t take as well as hand it out,
No-one would view my plight!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: July 2014