Those Devious Wine Gums!

Posted on February 13, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Are you weak-willed at times? Have you the willpower needed to resist those temptations that laugh at resistance? I admit that I lose resolve in the face of Wine Gums, Twiglets or Cheeselets, I call it my generic failing…

I sat in the office,
My mind an absentee,
When I saw a bright packet,
Gazing down at me!
It seemed to be shouting,
“Coo-ee, I’m up here,
I’m full of deliciousness,
Come and eat me!”
I returned to my keyboard,
But resistance was all shot,
I reached up for the bag,
And ate the bloody lot!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Little Blue Coat!

Posted on February 12, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I had my two-year-old granddaughter rushing around, screeching and winding the dogs up, all before 7.30! It was delightful, particularly on this very sad day for our family. Lately there has also been a little blue coat hanging on the back of the kitchen chair again. It is wonderful to see it being used.
It was once worn by my twenty-two-year-old son, David, who was killed in a car accident while at university twelve years ago today.
Julia Gillard, the former Australian Premier, summed up such loss in her speech at the tenth anniversary for those killed in the Bali bombings. She said: “… wounds and scars abound, healed and unhealed. But nothing can replace that empty seat at your family table, the graduations and christenings you will never know. And the fault line that will always divide your lives into two halves: ‘before’ and ‘after’…”

So today I remember the little boy in the blue coat and the young man he became, as the niece he never knew, runs around the farm he loved, wearing his old blue coat.

As his father, I’m still so proud of him.

There are two things I’d like you to do today:
First of all I’d like you to give any teenager or young person that you know a simple piece of advice that may just end up saving their lives: If they are in a car and not happy with the way it is being driven or they suspect the driver may have been drinking or is stoned, say: “I think I’m going to be sick”. This may mean a long walk home, but it’s better than not reaching home at all.
Secondly I want you to ring, text, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, MSN (or better still the old-fashioned face to face), your child (or anyone who is very precious to you) and say two words: “Love You”. These are the last two words I ever said to my son. How I wish I could utter them again, so I’m asking you to do it. Not for me, not for David, but for you.

Simon (aka Baldock Bard)

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Snap Decision!

Posted on February 11, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I went in search of cheese biscuits. Not the most exciting quest when put alongside the Holy Grail, or the source of the Nile, I grant you, but someone’s got to do it. What I found might shock you…

I found biscuits for cheese from Christmas,
Unopened in the pack,
But in the corner was a hole,
I almost put them back!
I fetched a mousetrap from the drawer,
I bated it with care,
A chocolate coin from the cupboard,
The last one that was there!
Within an hour a mighty snap,
Announced the battle won,
Another snap some time later,
His brother too, was done!

Parking with a Toddler!

Posted on February 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you experienced a miracle, worthy of Lourdes, where a driver parks his car in a disabled bay and walks unaided to the supermarket? Since I’ve been helping mind my two-year old grand-daughter I have met his irritating step-brother: the childless user of the parent and child parking bay…

Wrestling a toddler from a car seat,
Is a task that needs space to make it complete!
You undo the straps and remove from her shoulder,
Then she goes limp, felexibilty of a boulder!
You discover the next door car is too close,
And try to pull the child through a space made for post!
Finally the child is standing by the car,
Your hand has been jammed, later a scar?
Then you notice the toddler parking spaces,
Are full of the childless of all sizes and races!
They’ve done something bad, they’ve made you so wild,
They’ve parked in a space marked ‘Parent and Child’

Dedicated to anyone who has attempted to park in a normal-sized space with an angry toddler on board. May a dedicated space be yours, always!

The Elderly Talking Terriers!

Posted on February 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The Elderly Talking Terriers!

We have a natural sun-trap in a passage in the farmhouse. Yesterday I was surprised to find two terriers were sitting, like pensioners in a care home, taking in the suns rays. I could hear them talking at each other…

Two terriers were sitting in the afternoon sun,
“What do you think’s for tea,” commented one.
“Never liked the beach,” said the other,
“I think you’re confusing me with my brother.”
“I think I’m getting thirsty,” the first one said.
“You’re wrong, it’s Sunday, soon be time for bed!”
“I can’t seem to concentrate, I’m getting like Cyril,
Oh look over there, I’m sure I saw a squirrel!”
“The worst thing about being the age we are,
Can’t remember if we chase the human or the car!”
“If we chase the human and get the wrong one,
We’ll end up in a care home sitting in the sun!”

Be kind to your children… they will chose your care home!

Dedicated to Baggins the Cat, from his human and doggy friends, may he rest in peace, chasing winged mice for eternity!

Putin’s Lidl Surprise!

Posted on February 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s Polish week in Lidl (as if you didn’t already know!). Amongst the shelves of Schab Pieczony, Tlyzcki and Golonka Kresowa is a bottle of vodka. “Okrzvki!” (cheers!) you may be thinking, however you’d possibly be wise not to use “Na Zdorovie!” (cheers in Russian!) as it may earn you a visit from the KGB…

Should President Putin solace seek,
He’d better miss Lidl today
There’s a liquid suggestion,
Of which he’ll no notice pay!

He’s had advice in the past,
From Washington to Rome,
Russian Soldiers in Ukrane,
Just Putin-off back home!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock ‘Prodazha avtomobiley zagruzki’ (car Boot Sale!)Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Crops Away!

Posted on February 6, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday saw the final load of last year’s harvest leave the farm. It is a time for reflection, but also anticipation of another harvest to come. It marks the start of a ‘deep clean’ campaign to ensure that crops leaving this farm are up to standard…

The last of Harvest ’14 has left the farm,
Unless a zombie attack there is no alarm,
The shed is empty, the grain store clear,
No more crops ‘till harvest appear.
Before that sweeping, vacuuming too,
Washing implements till they shine like new!
I’ll await an inspector with a fine toothcomb,
Who’ll frighten me to death then disappear home!
Finally comes August such far off days,
The crops will return in a hot heat haze!
And I will sing a happy refrain:
“Harvest is here off we go again!”Thanks to all the drivers who have carted away our grain. You’re a great bunch who deserve more recognition for the work you all do.

Limpy The Pheasant!

Posted on February 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

In the open-sided shed behind the house I have a place for sweepings from the grain store. All kinds of birds flock there to eat, particularly during this cold and snowy weather. One frequent visitor is Limpy the cock-pheasant who cannot help but smile these days…

Limpy the pheasant is most relieved,
To see February around again,
He doesn’t care about the snow,
He doesn’t mind the rain,
He just satisfies himself,
To live right by the farm,
And limp up to the feeding bay,
With no sense of alarm!
There is no more sound of shooting,
No men dressed up in tweed,
His only worry is each day,
Where am I going to feed?
The only thing to worry him,
Apart from that old dog fox,
Is whether he’ll find himself a hen,
Before any other cocks!

Security Shock!

Posted on February 4, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On-farm security is unrecognizable as opposed to the past. These days I carry around a set of keys like a jailer! We are told to look for signs of the unusual every day. Perhaps I should resist going out until I’m more awake or had another mug of coffee…

I walked up the yard,
To open up the barn,
I thought I was being followed,
I was slightly alarmed.
I looked over my shoulder,
Of intruder was no sign,
Was then that I realised,
The footprints were all mine!

Delivering Hay!

Posted on February 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The hay I made last summer is now being delivered and eaten by horses around North Hertfordshire. In the most part the end users are very pleased to see the supplies arrive and stacked in the barn…

I took hay to a livery yard,
Didn’t have to travel far,
A carefully stacked up load,
On a trailer behind the car!
Russell came to help me,
As I find it quite a strain,
Chucking bales around,
As if 21 again!

The horses seemed pleased to see us,
“Our supplies were getting low,
Come on get those bales off
Then we will let you go!”
As I was reversing out of the yard,
To Russell an old horse said,
“Thank heavens you’re here with that oldie,
He’s unfit and over-fed!”

I stopped the car to remonstrate,
Was calm and polite of course,
When all of a sudden it struck me,
“Oh! Good grief, a TALKING HORSE!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: February 2015

Those Devious Wine Gums!

The Little Blue Coat!

The Snap Decision!

Parking with a Toddler!

The Elderly Talking Terriers!

Putin’s Lidl Surprise!

Crops Away!

Limpy The Pheasant!

Security Shock!

Delivering Hay!