The Old Tractor!

Posted on March 31, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I started up our old David Brown tractor. When she was new and shiny she was on display at the East of England Show! Now her bonnet is pitted with rust and she doesn’t like getting up in the mornings…

We have an old tractor,
Her name is David Brown!
She’s now retired,
Doesn’t work on the ground.
She’ll likely be seen,
Sawing up some wood,
She’d like to go ploughing,
I doubt if she could.
So she sits in the shed,
Doesn’t go anywhere,
It’s the tractor equivalent,
Of the high wing-back chair!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Lost – One Hour!

Posted on March 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I hope your Monday morning is better than mine! Since the clocks sprung forward I have no idea where I am! Rather like the days after decimalization (way back in the Seventies), I’m finding myself converting to ‘old time!’ With luck the day will improve…

It’s Monday morning,
I’m all of a tizz,
My poor body clock,
Has no idea where it is!
Yesterday morning,
I mislaid an hour,
Ever since then,
I’ve been on half power!

I’ve searched the whole house,
I’ve even asked Ron,
But nobody knows,
Where that hour’s gone!
At my time of life,
Can’t afford loss of time,
So if you find an hour,
Please return it, it’s mine!

The Road Closure

Posted on March 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Driving back from the town yesterday Mrs Bard and I came were shocked to come across a road closure on the road leading to the farm. What lay over the small hill? Would we get home? Would the frozen peas defrost?
Today we are going to a little country church to say goodbye to a friend. What has been most shocking about Anthony’s death is that suddenly a number of facts of life have been exposed to me when I thought I’d tidied them neatly away in a cupboard.
Firstly, although I didn’t see him often, Anthony was one of those legions of people who sit in ‘the wings’ of one’s life stage and make up the chorus, they play a vital and comforting part in all our lives.
Secondly he was a true gentleman, totally honest and slightly shy, however this always set you up when he exposed his sense of humour which was never at another’s cost but just plain old-fashioned funny! He always took great care over words he used.
Thirdly, as a sheep farmer would say ‘they are now picking from my pen’ and despite not being able to ever tell what has caused the road closure just over the hill, there is never any warning and we’re all driving on the same road.

Rest in peace, Anthony, you were a real gentle-man and it was my pleasure knowing you. What a great example you set. Goodbye old friend.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Last Load of Wheat!

Posted on March 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning is an early start as the last of the wheat from last harvest is leaving the farm. Unfortunately there is only around 10-12 tons wheras the lorry holds 29. So I’m sharing the load and the penalty for the trailer not being full with another farmer in the same situation. His wheat is already loaded and I’m praying that the rain stops before I load mine…

Up before the lark,
It’s pouring with rain,
When loading a lorry,
It’s a real pain.
If the moisture,
Is above fifteen,
There will be a penalty,
£2 a tonne, that’s obscene!
When the wheat arrives,
At the prcessing plant,
The first thing they add is water,
(They can, but I can’t!)

Happy Days!

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Facebook: Baldock Bard
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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Fragility of Life

Posted on March 25, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning, due to wind direction, planes are begining their final descent to London Luton Airport directly over the farm. They look close enough to touch. However when each one passes overhead thoughts are drawn to a mountainside in the French Alps.

I look to the sky above the farm,
Another plane passes, no alarm.
I think of pieces strewn around,
Where the Airbus hit the ground.

We see pictures of many grieving young,
16 classmates no more fun.
Photos of passengers no more to be seen,
On a mountainside a mourning scene.

We watchers from afar are lucky to say:
‘For us tomorrow’s just another day.’

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Stagnant Meeting!

Posted on March 24, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I went to a meeting where important matters were to be discussed. However it turned out to be a rather stagnant meeting where I longed for a diversion. Of course this often happens in the swan world…

“I call this meeting to order,” said Swan number one,
“There’s much to get through, much to get done.”
“We’ve seventy-nine thousand apologies to get through.”
“Can we not name them all?” said Swan number two!
“Minutes of last meeting should have been read,”
Unfortunately at this point a child with some bread,
Turned up on the bank and started to throw,
“This meeting is abandoned, we must all go!”
So the moral of this tale is easy for all to see,
That food is more important than items one to three!

With sincere apologies to anyone attending a meeting today. I’m sure it is vital and doesn’t need interruptions of any sort. Enjoy!

The Lie-in!

Posted on March 23, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I realise it is just plain cruel to talk about weekend lie-ins on a Monday morning. You’re commuting into work, packed into the train like sardines and I remind you of that lazy Sunday morning following the rugby. Foot warming provided by your faithful hound…

Here I lie at the bottom of the bed,
Using your feet to rest my head,
Don’t you dare think of rising soon,
With your post-rugby hangover you look like a baboon!
That presentation due for work tomorrow,
Won’t bring reward only sorrow,
So if I may make a reasonable suggestion,
Call in sick and blame congestion!

Wishing you all a Happy Monday, I hope your day brings joy and happiness. If the boss asks where the presentation is, please don’t blame me, I’m in enough trouble already without your reminder!

Eclipse Special Edition!

Posted on March 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

How many of you remember the 11^th of August 1999? Do you recall standing about outside looking in vain towards the heavens for an eclipse that was totally obscured by cloud? Way back then I wrote two eclipse-style verses. I thought today might be a good excuse to reprint them and add a third and fourth…

6/8/99 Heralding the event of the year – the total eclipse of the sun.
I bought two thousand hand torches
At an auction near Morden in May
They’ve littered my house since I bought them
My wife said “Take them away”
On my stall at the boot sale near Baldock
ECLIPSE TORCHES – BUY ONE TODAY!
Sold them all to the fact I was shouting
“Don’t get caught in the dark on Wednesday!”

Wednesday August 11th 1999 The eclipse happened but was generally spoilt by cloud and rain.
I went down West to watch the eclipse
A once-in-a-lifetime not to be missed
I spent all Tuesday in a traffic jam
Would’ve arrived far sooner in a vintage tram!
I set up camp in a farmer’s field
More money than corn, tents can yield!
I bought special specs to protect my eyes
The money I spent was the real surprise
I waited and watched to no avail
It was cloudy and damp like last week’s boot sale!
I ended up cold broke and smelly
I’d have seen far more at home on telly!

Friday 20th March 2015
Plus ça change, so some say,
Another eclipse is here today,
They forecast cloud maybe rain,
We’ll not see very much again.
Perhaps we should have gone elsewhere,
To see if viewing’s better there,
But the finest view we’ll get today,
Is via the internet, the modern way!
There’s bound to be a clever-clog,
A picture on his ‘me me’ blog!
Don’t be jealous, don’t turn green,
He’s stolen the picture from another screen!

Wednesday, August 12th 2026,
(to be continued….maybe!)

Les Visiteurs Canadien!

Posted on March 19, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many events that remind us how life is circular. Every year on the farm, like all the best hotels, visitors arrive and visitors depart. Some were born here and have returned whereas for some it is their first visit…

Monsieur et Madame Canadien Goose,
Doreen et sa cherie Bruce,
Arrived back on the farm last week,
(They’ve been dancing cheek to cheek!).
Very soon, (she’s getting fatter),
There will be a pitter-patter!
Of tiny geese who then will grow,
Learn to fly then off they’ll go!
And sometime at this time next year,
More Canadian Geese appear!
Life becomes one great event,
That’s repeated and heaven sent!

A walk in the Countryside!

Posted on March 18, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I took a long-overdue walk down a local footpath. Although overcast, the day was a reminder that Spring is almost here. In Roman times the sunken road used to link a leper colony with a burial ground. Now its use is purely for pleasure, how times change…

There’s nothing like a walk in the country,
On a mid-March afternoon.
The trees are still bare and leafless,
You won’t be seeing far soon!
Wellies are still necessary footwear,
As mud forms the floor of a path,
You may see a shy muntjac,
Or a mad hare that may make you laugh!
In this country a network of footpaths,
Are part of our heritage and pride,
Many end up with a hostelry,
And a thirst-quenching pint found inside!

Cheers!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: March 2015