Fertilizer Spreading!

Posted on May 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday as the country went to the polls we were busy spreading the last of the fertilizer on the wheat. Carl was on the spreader and I was attempting to keep him topped up with ton bags from the farm. The results of our day will take much longer to show…

We’re spreading fertilizer,
it helps crops to grow,
we calibrate the spreader,
or it comes out like snow.
Then off to the field,
to see if dose is right,
little pellets of goodness,
like hail – round and white!
Here comes the loader,
two more tons to be spread,
into the spreader,
then back to the shed!
By early evening,
the very last field,
now we need some rain,
to boost up the yield!
But not on Saturday morning!
© Baldock Bard 2015
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Every Saturday until the end of October
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The Distant Kettle!

Posted on May 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The age of the smartphone has brought with it many useful side-effects. I have a socket in the house whereby I can turn on a light for the dogs if I’m running late. There are view-at-distance cameras whereby you can discover if those same dogs wear your smoking jacket, lounge on the best chairs eating your finest chocolates and watch Jeremy Kyle on afternoon telly in your absence. Yesterday I came across an unusual must-have App-controlled gadget…

I thought I’d seen most things in life,
I thought I’d seen it all,
But I realise I’ve been blinded,
Have seen nothing smart at all.
There on a shelf in Currys,
A wifi kettle (comes in blue!),
I said the the assistant:
“whatever does it do!”
“You download an App,
Then wherever you find you are,
You can turn on the kettle,
Whether you are near or far!”
“Gosh that will be useful,”
I exclaimed tongue in cheek,
“I can have boiling water here at home
When I’m on holiday next week!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Headless Voter!

Posted on May 6, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Tomorrow the country goes to the polls. By Friday morning we may well wake up to a weak government controlled by a mish-mash of other parties or a weak government controlled by Scottish Nationalists (how we used to laugh at Italian politics!). The media has run such a long campaign that it is guilty of introducing mind-numbing boredom and apathy towards the election. Unfortunately it’s the system we have, so it’s time to put up and shut up…

We get the politicians we deserve;
we stupidly think it’s us they serve.
They hide behind ancient walls,
like scurrying rats when voting calls.
They’re like light bulbs each and ever hour,
they only seek one thing: that’s POWER!

Grandpa’s mower!

Posted on May 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday afternoon I watched an old man walking in the park pushing a three-wheeled walking-aid. It looked just as if he was mowing grass. Later on he could be seen walking back towards his home. I was impressed by his vigour, as during that whole time I’d not moved from my deckchair.

Every morning Grandpa goes for a walk,
gives him exercise, chance for a talk,
to others who’re taking their constitution,
an aged no-gym pensioner solution.

He pushes his three wheeler, he calls his lawnmower,
doesn’t need emptying, but gives him a blower,
when he gets back, with colourful cheeks,
he brews a cuppa, not felt better for weeks.

We mustn’t joke or laugh at his gait,
for we’ll soon be his age, not long to wait,
and if I reach ninety, heaven knows how,
I hope I’m as fit as he is now!

A Shocking Scene!

Posted on May 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On a Sunday morning before a Bank Holiday, everything should be calm and peaceful. While shopping I watched an elderly gentleman lose his cool. A very relaxed man (a Buddhist) once told me: When God made time he made plenty of it!” Perhaps we should all cool down a bit, particularly on a Sunday morning. What happened next will shock you as much as it shocked me…

I watched a pensioner,
eat his hat,
in Marks and Spencer’s
how about that?

He lost his cool,
he was irate,
his money-off voucher,
out of date!

If he is going,
to solace seek,
he might consider,
shopping mid-week!

I hope he soon,
gets much better,
before someone offers him,
salt and pepper!

Warning: Hats are considered low in calories but high in fibre. They are not generally edible. Care must be taken when positioning a hat near to dentures.
*Serving suggestion only.

Bienvenue a Baldock!

Posted on May 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday and today the High Street in Baldock has been transformed into a street market that you might see anywhere from Calais to Carcassonne. It is most strange hearing a ‘holiday language’ at home. It’s a great opportunity to relive memories of vaccances past…

There’s a French Market today in Baldock,
selling French bread, olives and cheese!
The accents are definitely not local,
“s’il vous plait” for today replaces please!
The stall holders are all ‘tres jolie’
pleased to be here and polite,
“Bonjour Monsieur – Dame,
Would you like to buy ham?”
Not a single French Onion in sight!
© Le Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Today and every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Nature’s Confetti

Posted on May 1, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I’m very fond of this time of year. Not only as a farmer, when the crops are at last looking like they might bring forth a yield after showing bare patches over winter, but also for the rejuvenation all around. The last of the blossom is just glorious…

The pinkest of blossom,
a vibrant sign,
that Spring is here,
one more time.

The oak leaves are out,
before the ash,
so instead of a soak,
we’re in for a splash?

But most of all,
warmer days,
with shorter nights,
spirits are raised!

Unfortunately,
the blossom won’t last,
it’ll look like,
a bride has been past!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: May 2015