The Awesome Child!

Posted on July 31, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I have never understood why some parents actively promote the wonders of their children. Nearly all of us are proud of our offspring but most of us take steps to curb our enthusiasm in front of others. Certain clothes don’t help to stem this ‘My Child is Awesome’ syndrome…

My child is awesome,
in every way,
everything she does,
and everything she say!
She’s just fantastic,
superb in every way,
I’m left wondering,
How she’ll be great today!

Pass the bucket Mavis! I think I’m going to be…Bluuuuuuurg!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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SG7 6RD
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every Saturday until the end of October
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Silence In A Noisy World!

Posted on July 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I went to the funeral of an old friend. As I wasn’t sure how long the journey would take, I allowed plenty of time. As a result I arrived very early at the church. Sitting in this vast silent building on my own I realised that it was the first time for weeks, possibly months or even years, that I’d had time to stop and think in almost total silence…

When did you last stop,
and take time to think,
without interruption,
(of phone or of sink!)
When was the last time,
you thought to yourself,
‘is that silence I hear?’
not even clock on the shelf!
We don’t know silence,
it’s not part of our world,
maybe we should try it,
so inner peace be unfurled.

Go, on! Give it a try sometime, it makes you realise how noisy and demanding our world is these days and allows just a few moments of peaceful silence! Find your ‘silent space’ today!

The Moon Above Baldock (and elsewhere!)

Posted on July 29, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening the moon was visible from early on and it hung large and beautiful over the farm. I grabbed by Box Brownie and rushed outside in an attempt to capture it’s beauty. I’m from the point and squirt school of photography, so it was only later that I realised that by accident I had a good image…

There are no words to describe,
the beauty of something so far away,
that looks so close you could touch it…
…so I shan’t waste words but continue to stare!

The Farmer’s Water Torture!

Posted on July 28, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

If you ever want to terrorise a farmer, wait until harvest-time and ask if he’s emptied the rain gauge yet! This year it would have a greater effect than normal as the weather has been inclement at just the wrong time. Too much rain when the ear is ready to be harvested, makes the grain think it’s time to grow and sprouting takes place. This is detrimental to both the value of the crop and the farmer’s health…

“How much rain have you had?”
“Don’t know I’ll take a look!”
I wandered out to the rain gauge,
Down the yard flowed a bubbling brook!

“Holey moley!” I let out a cry,
I couldn’t believe my eyes,
60 centimitres in the gauge,
A dreadful harvest-time surprise.

Wasn’t long before the phone,
With farmers was red hot,
“What you get in your rain gauge?
60 centimetres seems a lot!”

So don’t bother ringing me,
I won’t bother to ring,
Because the effin rain gauge,
Is now in the effin bin!

They say don’t shoot the messenger, but that rain gauge had been asking for it for some time now!

An English Summer

Posted on July 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

So far this month of July I have emptied more rain out of the rain gauge than in the six previous months. This includes the largest amount I have ever seen (2.5 inches on the 17th). It is wet and cold and last night I even lit our wood-burning stove. However my sympathies lie with wildlife who must wonder what has happened…

A wise cock-pheasant around the garden perused,
“Tell me Mister, I’m so confused,
I’m told that this is July,
Yet it’s cold and wet, anybody know why?”
folk are on holiday, some flown away,
to far-off lands for sun they say!”
I told him, “Mr Pheasant it’s a bummer,
But that is typically an English Summer!”

For me at the moment this bad weather may be an inconvenience, luckily my crops aren’t ready for harvest. But many farmers must bee looking to the sky with furrowed brows as this much rain on ready-to-harvest grain can make it sprout thus losing it’s already-low value.

Baldock Bard 2015

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The Baldock Car Boot Sales are on every Saturday until the end of October.
They are the friendliest on earth and should be visited!
We look forward to meeting you.
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The Digital Holiday!

Posted on July 25, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Like millions of houses up and down the country, we have a burglar alarm. Unfortunately we also have a dog that, when the alarm sounds, can do more damage than a sledge-hammer wielding burglar. The latest sounding ended with my Macbook lying on the floor, mortally wounded by rampaging dog…

The dog is biting at the door,
laptop lies upon the floor,
the burglar alarm wails out loud,
the dog looks manic, angry but proud.

At the time I was unable to see much gain,
re-loading everything what a pain!
however suddenly I realise the difference it’ll make,
a digital holiday, a short byte-break!

So if you were wondering where I be,
not at a hotel by the sea,
but relaxing and sleeping like a log,
all because of one alarmed dog!

Go on! Treat yourself to a short byte-break, you’ll be amazed how refreshing it can be!

Baldock Bard 2015

At Loggerheads!

Posted on July 22, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Every now and then I go back through my photo collection for inspiration! Yesterday I found a photo I’d taken some years ago in the Midlands, North of Birmingham. There was something I found amusing about a notice board…

At the Parish Council,
they were at each other’s throats,
the chairman called for calm,
the chairman called for votes!
He finally closed the meeting,
after discussion regarding sheds!
We’ll meet again next Tuesday,
hopefully not at loggerheads!

With apologies to Loggerheads Parish Council who are probably the least argumentative in the country and fed up with people making the same joke time after time!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Art of Dog Walking!

Posted on July 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I took my dog for a walk. Mrs Bard and I were away, so the novelty of not just opening the door and saying “Shoo!” was a new experience for Dog and I. However once in the park we soon learnt some new rules that don’t seem to apply here on the farm…

No lead meant some baler twine,
Tied to the collar should do fine!
Then off to the park for Dog and me,
Cocked his leg on every tree!
A polite “Good Morning!” to all around,
The response a ‘don’t-know-you’ filthy frown!
Into the park remove the lead,
“Look at the sign, can’t you read?”
“I thought Dog could just run?
Without his freedom where’s the fun?”
A haughty lady asked me, “who,
Is going to pick up that dog’s poo?”
At that moment a screaming sound!
“My poor Mimi whose is that hound?”
Dog and I slunk away,
Won’t go back to that park to play!

To all dog walkers: This is written with tongue firmly in cheek as, with a few exceptions on which this is based, all dog walkers are sociable and amicable folk. It is the minority, as in with all walks of life, that give the majority a bad name. “Rover! Rover! Oh where has that dog gone now? Sorry, must dash…”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Effect of Too Much Paperwork!

Posted on July 17, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I had another hard day in the office. I realise that many spend their working lives in such surroundings, but I signed up to be outside in the fresh air, hoeing mangles (or whatever ‘proper farmers used to do). I needed fluid intake to concentrate. Unfortunately I over indulged…

Last night there was a mighty storm,
as wild as wild could be,
the whole house was lightened up,
was like day you see!
Thunder crashed and lightening cracked,
I was wide awake,
and in the middle of the night,
I was hungry needed cake!
I tried my best to get to sleep,
My mind like a machine,
Tumbling thoughts around my brain,
A result of excess caffeine!

Operators Manual for UAV course almost finished. The fresh air outside is only hours away! Have a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Using a Rusty Brain!

Posted on July 16, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I am on part two of the training to become a recognized UAV (or drone) pilot. This involves writing an Operators Manual that will be sent for approval to the CAA (Civil Aviation Authority). In these days of ‘copy-it-from-internet’ exams it is refreshing, but daunting, to read the warning from the guidelines: IF YOU SUBMIT THESE GUIDELINES WITHOUT MODIFYING FOR YOUR OPERATIONS YOUR OPERATORS MANUAL WILL BE REJECTED. Hence hours spent thinking and writing, much to the disgust of my rusty ancient brain…

My brain needs extra capacity,
an external drive attached,
because I’m having to use it,
Operations Manual hatched!
It’s taken most of the week,
to write this forty-plus page tome,
I’ve burn the midnight oil,
no time to fly the drone!
But soon it will be finished,
out of the dark I’ll be,
Mrs Bard will ask who I am,
I’ll reply, “It’s only me!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: July 2015

The Awesome Child!

Silence In A Noisy World!

The Moon Above Baldock (and elsewhere!)

The Farmer’s Water Torture!

An English Summer

The Digital Holiday!

At Loggerheads!

The Art of Dog Walking!

The Effect of Too Much Paperwork!

Using a Rusty Brain!