Monthly Archives: November 2015

The Coffee Jar!

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Coffee jarMonday mornings can be difficult, we all have our own rituals, likes and dislikes. This morning sees me in the depths of Staffordshire, however I was able to indulge myself in a most satisfying ritual, opening a new coffee jar as I find myself in a house of tea-drinkers…

The coffee jar I brought,
foil covering is new,
I got to grab it first,
(excitements I have few!)
I opened up the lid,
an experience sublime,
Someone was there before me,
I opened it last time!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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Friday Beans!

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This morning I have to move beans from the store to the barn in preparation for a lorry next week. Field beans are not only very dusty but also extremely noisy, so I’m in for a peaceful morning, not…

Beans, beans, good for the heart,
moving them is quite an art.
The more you move them,
the more knackered you feel
‘tis why moving beans has no appeal!

Here’s hoping your day is more peaceful than mine. Have a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Dustie!

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The other day I came out of the grain store, as usual covered in dust. During the wheat sweeping process I’d been immersed in dense dust and with chaff blown around by the air sweep floors of the bins. These are supposed to clear the bins, however, like me, they are old and knackered and so help is needed…

I came out of the store covered in dust,
I thought to myself ‘a selfies’ a must!
Dust and wheat were everywhere,
down my back and in my hair.
On my shoulders it lay like freshly-fallen snow,
you’ll never guess where grains can go!
I went to the workshop to the compressor so trusty,
but before I used it I posed for a ‘Dustie!’

Have a great dust-free day!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The School Run (repeat)!

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It is about 14 years since I last did the morning school run. This morning I am taking my granddaughter to nursery school about five miles away. In the countryside the school run almost always involves a car. So I’m off to brave the traffic, wish me luck…

I’m off once more,
To do the school run,
haven’t done it for years,
This should be fun!
I used to take,
my daughter and her brother,
to get them in the car,
I’d rely on their mother!
One day I said:
“I will go alone!”
before realisation,
no point in leaving home!
But this is different,
a ‘one-off’ is quite cool,
taking my little granddaughter,
along to nursery school!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




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Cold Calling!

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I am being plagued by cold callers at the moment. So much so that I am beginning to ignore those whose number shows as being withheld. Having answered yet another cold call my concentration is shot and not only have I wasted the time the call took but my blood pressure has risen…

I rushed to the phone,
just got there in time,
another cold caller,
on the end of the line.

Did I want a change,
of telecomms supplier?
superb double glazing?
or ornate fake-log fire?

He asked me if,
I was having a nice day,
I replied that I would be,
if he’d simply go away.

The only calls I welcome
From folk who want to chat,
I’d disconnect the line,
if it wasn’t for that!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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Shoot to Kill Policy

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Shoot to KillThere is much talk in the wake of the Paris attacks about ‘what, if and how’ a similar outrage would be treated on London streets. Debate is good, however it is not the time to have reasonable discussion. Here on the farm we are not allowed to have rats. Following a poison control failure I have had to introduce a ‘shoot to kill’ policy…

I taped a torch to my gun,
and went to where the rats do run,
no rodent rights in my head,
my only aim to shoot them dead.
One appeared gave me the finger,
not much longer did it linger,
I raised the gun loosed off a round,
a rodent terrorist fell to the ground.
No debate neither fun,
just an action that had to be done.

We should fully support our police and armed forces who risk their lives allowing us to sleep safely in our comfortable beds.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Three Visiting Hens!

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3 HensWe have three hens staying at the farm. I realise that most people have just human visitors, but regular readers will know that there is not much normal on this farm! These guests are easy to please, have no complaints and don’t engage in lengthy conversations at breakfast time…

Three visiting hens are contented,
grateful for breakfast wheat,
no complicated agendas,
to make their lives complete.

They have no need for credit card,
no pocket for loose change,
they’ve never seen a bank manager,
would think a mortgage strange!

They’ve never heard of television,
news comes not from a box,
religion is unfamiliar,
only terrorist is a fox!

They know not of politicians,
not lies, not war, not hate,
their only overriding fear:
avoidance of human plate!

Best wishes from the three guests! Here’s hoping that your day is as uncomplicated as theirs (wouldn’t that make a change!).

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Empty Chairs in Paris

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Empty ChairWhen someone dies, one of the first noticeable things is the suddenly empty chair. Much has been written and spoken about this weekend’s terrible terrorist attack in Paris. What has been less commented on is the personal tragedy suffered by, not just the victims, but those they loved and who loved them…

There are many empty chairs in Paris today,
Il y a beaucoup de chaises vide en Paris aujourd’hui.
At breakfast,
a la petite déjeuner,
On the Underground,
dans le Metro,
In the office,
dans le bureau.
At lunch,
au déjeuner,
On the bus,
sur le bus,
In the bar,
dans le bar.
In the home,
dans la maison.

But most of all,
mais surtout,
in the heart,
dans le Coeur.

Vivre La France, avec amour.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




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The Powerful Little Coin!

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Yesterday I went to get my phone repaired. One thing led to another and Mrs Bard and I had lunch and did some Christmas shopping. On our return to the car park I discovered that I needed a comfort break. I managed to track down some public facilities but they were coin-operated. Alas I only had plastic! I ran back up five flights of stairs, desperation growing, and finally tracked down a suitable coin in the foot-well of the car. A record-breaking dash worthy of Mo Farrah back down the stairs led to relief…

This humble little 20p,
about as small as a coin can be.
But if you’re desperate for a pee,
it has more power than a JCB!

Have a great day and don’t forget to take a 20p with you, just in case!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Remarkable Traffic Warden!

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We all love to hate Traffic Wardens and complain (as much as a three-year-old when caught stuffing todays post down the toilet!) when we are ticketed. Sometimes they can be accused of being over-zealous, however in my limited experience they can sometimes be most human…

Strutting around towns they march,
expressions as if they’re faces starched,
handing out tickets left and right,
acting as if they’ve a God-given might!

We are lucky in Baldock Town,
many a smile, hardly a frown,
Should you ever piss you take,
your number goes down from your plate!

Not long ago I was just collecting,
a tasty take-away was expecting,
“I’m so sorry, please do not scold!”
“Hurry along before your meal gets cold!”

No need to offer twice,
Thank you for ensuring no cold rice!

‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our cars, but in ourselves, for we are underlings!’ Have a great day and avoid fines of any sort!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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