Monthly Archives: December 2015

Bogged Down near Baldock!

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StuckOver the weekend I’ve played host to a guest from the West Country. Whereas our annual rainfall is measured in inches, down there they measure it in feet! I showed my ignorance of recent weather conditions by driving my guest across a rather damp field with unexpected but obvious consequences…

“Just here is something I want to show,
Oh dear, we seem to be going slow,
I fear the ground is rather wet,
and this 4×4 is about to get set!”

I put the gearstick into ‘low’
not an inch further did we go,
the wheels had dug themselves a slot,
any forward motion was soon forgot!

I rang John, “Could you possibly bring,
the JCB Loadall forklift thing!”
He arrived with a chain,
to pull us onto the dry again!

So if you make yourself look a fool,
Make sure you have a ‘John’ to call.
And if you’ve no John (or one that suits)
make sure you’re wearing Wellington boots!
JCB John (1)With grateful thanks to John for saving the day and to my guest for covering my embarrassment! Next time I shall eschew laziness, put on wellies and walk!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Evil ‘S’ Word!

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SugarThe nose-in-the-air do-Gooders have moved on. The war against tobacco has been won and climate change protest is now part-time since governments discovered it’s magical revenue-raising powers. The new target, in a supermarket near you, is now (whisper it if you dare) sugar. Yesterday I came under scrutiny from one of the new ‘Sweetner Warriors’ and it wasn’t a pleasant experience…

Loading the checkout from my heavy trolley,
any comment would have been mere folly,
a bag of sugar – the devils thirst quencher,
was followed by chocolate milk – a sugary drencher!
Four bottles of green Coke came along next,
(the lady in front, now really quite vexed)!
Ten bottles of water ignoring ‘water-miles’
Sixteen cans of coke (all of them sugar phials!),
Three litres of Grouse on special offer,
Her face by now was ‘disgusted proper’!
She’d tutted so much her bottom lip quivered,
Her sweet-free shop she’d next have delivered!
But the funniest thing (I grinned all the way home),
She weighed rather more than my sugared twelve stone!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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An Intolerant Society?

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When did we become such an intolerant society? I always thought that the greatest cornerstone of our society was the freedom of expression. I was obviously wrong. The words spoken publicly by American Presidential Candidate Donald Trump are both immoral and an affront to common decency. One way to deal with an idiot such as Trump is to starve him of the oxygen of publicity he so desperately craves. There are those in our world who would see him gagged, excluded and possibly worse. Surely they are not claiming to be liberal-minded people?

There are those in some countries,
who are not allowed to speak,
their minds,
except behind closed doors,
in frightened whispers.

They dream of a time,
when they can stand in a public place
and shout to the world.

If I don’t like what someone has said,
I am free to use my freedom to oppose.

However,
if I speak about curbing expression…
I am no longer free,
and those who seek to abolish simple freedoms…
…have Won.

In ‘The Friends of Voltaire’, Evelyn Beatrice Hall wrote: “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


 

 

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Dangerous Decorations!

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IMG_1671Yesterday I ventured down into the cellar to fetch the decorations for our Christmas tree. I found the box, climbed over the general stored detritus and made my way up the concrete steps to where my granddaughter waited to help me with the tree. Unfortunately I wasn’t looking where I was going…

Beware of Christmas decorations,
When they’ve been away for a year,
They can spell disaster,
Cause strange happenings I hear!
I collected a box from the cellar,
Up the steps did slip,
Now my face is all disfigured,
By a boxer-like fat lip!

… and World-Heavyweight Boxer, Tyson Fury, was nowhere near!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Early Christmas Tree!

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TappsThere has been much debate in the media as to the best timing for decorating the house for Christmas. It has been suggested that tree purchasing has got earlier and that nowadays we are almost two weeks in advance of yesteryear…

We bought our tree on Saturday,
much earlier than before,
a lengthy choosing process,
at Tapps Garden Store!
The journey home was interesting,
folded back seats down,
the netted tree the length of the car,
I wore the top part like a crown!
Now it’s in the sitting room,
awaiting decoration,
one of millions of indoor trees,
confusing pets across the nation!

Thanks to Tapps in Baldock, local suppliers of everything for the garden and outdoors, fantastic fireworks and even a coffee shop to rest your tired feet!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Flood Gates!

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SplashingThere has been heavy rain (40mm) and flooding in parts of the North West over the weekend. Houses have been flooded, power supplies cut and everyday lives disrupted. Soon the media will move elsewhere and little will be done until next time…

There’s flooding up in Cumbria,
the media is there in force,
looking for tomorrow’s pictures,
in the middle of floods – a horse!
Schools are empty and silent,
children shelter from the rain,
when they go back to the classroom,
Climate change will shoulder the blame!

Apparently poor quality flood defences built after the last time are holding back the dispersal of the flood water! Typical of a job poorly planned and carried out on an inadequate budget. Government cuts budgets at home to pay for foreign aid including flood protection in foreign countries.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

 

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The Bean Sweeper!

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Yesterday I was due a lorry to collect a load of beans. This meant sweeping a bin of beans under a time constraint (it’s a cardinal sin on a farm to keep a lorry waiting). As I’m old and decrepit, I was concerned that it also may knacker me for good! Enter Russ stage left…

If the AA is the fourth emergency service…
then my mate Russ is the fifth!
When he offered to help sweep some beans,
I thought he was taking the pith!
The lorry arrived on the farm,
Russ rushed into the bin,
an hour later he surfaced,
beneath the sweat was a grin!
He announced to any who’d listen,
(just me, so no need to shout!)
“Bring on the next bin of beans,
that was better than a trainers work-out!”
Everyone needs a Russ in their lives, it makes all the difference!
Bean Load© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




 

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The Look of Guilt!

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Having been away for a few days, we returned home to discover a dog in disgrace. I knew the look, I’ve seen it many times before usually when the accused is caught helping herself to food from the table or larder…

Dog sits in shame in the corner,
she knows full well what she’s done,
guilt written over her face,
she’s stolen a cake or a bun!
But no! This time it is different,
apparently she thinks she’s a cat,
she’s eaten a bowl-full of cat treats,
the evidence, her stomach, is fat!

But she was very pleased to see us and has pronounced herself ‘not guilty’ as the cats told her she could help herself and it was our fault for leaving her behind in the first place!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Old Age Education

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StudentsIt has been said that life is circular. We start off totally reliant on others, go through a learning phase with education, reproduce, then at an advanced age once again becoming reliant on others. I seem to be going through a second ‘education phase’ the first one having been spectacularly unsuccessful…

I went to Harper Adams University,
an agricultural drone course just for pilots,
we learnt farmers growing produce,
fields of crops not pots of violets!

In a classroom we studied Powerpoint
“This is wheat,” the lecturer said,
I became confused and worried,
most of it went over my head!

When I was young farming was simple,
wellies tweed cap and a dog!
Now I’m aged I learn new phrases,
Precision Farming with my drone log!

I don’t seem able to stop learning,
unfortunately it’s just too late,
not long from now I’ll be retiring,
overeducated to shut the gate!

With many thanks to all those at Harper Adams University College who made an old man most welcome. I just wish I’d been forty years younger!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The True Meaning of Friendship

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Sometimes in life, quite by accident, all the stars align to create an unexpected day. Today is one of those. This morning I awoke in Staffordshire, staying with my old friend Tony. Nothing unusual about that!
Today I am off to Harper Adams University College to do a BASIS course about drone-use in agriculture. In doing this I will pass the spot where a drunk driver killed my son when he was a student at the college.
By absolute coincidence, today would have also been the 60th birthday of Tony’s wife Marsya (after whom my granddaughter is named).
During the living hell that happens to a family after a fatal road traffic accident, Marsya became our eyes, ears and body up here, attending the Coroners Court, local memorial services, taking pressure from us and much much more.
She was one of the most talented journalists of her age, a wonderful mother, wife, user of words and wearer of country casuals.
Above all, she was truly a friend in need and a friend indeed.

We all miss her.

Happy Birthday Mars.

Baldock Bard

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