When Cars Go Wrong!

Posted on March 31, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

It is frustrating when you have car trouble. Your pride and joy goes off to the garage for the same length of time and similar price to a long cruise and returns without a tan! My farm car broke down some time ago and had to suffer the indignity of a recovery truck. Since then she has been languishing in a shed with frequent caring visits from John, the mechanic…

My poor old Mitsubishi,
poorly for the last two months,
is now back on her feet again,
was her head or could be bumps!
She was to have her head skimmed,
another thou skimmed off,
or possibly a potion,
to help her shift her cough!
But in the end a new head,
with valves and tappets too,
I wish I could have a refit myself,
and return to twenty-two!

Many thanks to John for his skill and patience, also to all the well-wishers who sent flowers, cordial and grapes, she has made a full recovery and is back on the road.
© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Bill and the Daffodils!

Posted on March 30, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

This year the Daffodils are flowering for what seems longer and longer. Having seen them first before Christmas in a shaded corner of the garden, they are still in bloom with some buds to come. That is apart from what used to be a large plot of them about forty-plus years ago. My mother was a most meticulous gardner and wouldn’t let the mower anywhere near the daffodils until they were completely over and then some…

Old Bill was sent to mow the grass,
a job he liked in many years past,
on the old tractor with the 6ft mower,
when driving that he was a goer!
Mowed the grass at the front of the farm,
Straight through the Daffodils no sense of alarm,
my mother told him straight, “they won’t come,
just think of future damage you’ve done.”
Bill with a shrug and shake of his head,
“they’ll be alright they won’t be dead!”
But to this day a patch isn’t right,
become known as Bill’s mowing sight!

Just to show the difference I’ve added a view from a plot next door! Both my mother and Bill have been dead for many years now, so I guess the difference is simply a memorial to poor communication!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Kite and the Drone!

Posted on March 29, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I was circling the farm with my drone and paying more attention to the screen and the crops than to my surroundings. When I replayed the footage later I noticed that a friend had joined the drone and had been swooping around it! Having seen footage on the Internet of drones being attacked, I counted my blessings that this was not an eagle…

Swooping gracefully around the skies,
the kite came across a strange bird!
Whereas the kite graceful flight sustained,
a buzzing of rotors could be heard!
The kite took a circle (or two) round this ‘thing’,
as it buzzed around (but not soared),
and with a measured slow flap of its wings,
flew away (in a short time) – just bored!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Farmer Jack

Posted on March 28, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

In the real world, if something breaks on your bike/car/lorry/bus/train, you contact an expert who effects a repair. On the farm you drag out the welder and pray the repair holds until the job is done. You are a Jack (of all trades) and given a good dose of luck your bodge-job will hold for its intended duration…

Easter Saturday dawns and all is well,
you’re off to drill oats for porridge to sell.
Checking around the machine a marker’s broken,
rain is forecast don’t want a soakin’.
Out with the welder on with the hood,
“hope this holds must weld it good,”
at last it’s mended you sigh ‘phew!’
“Look at that skill it’s good as new!”
Out in the field the marker strains,
finished the field and then it rains!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Spring Oats on Easter Saturday!

Posted on March 26, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

There is an old country saying “A peck of March dust is worth a king’s ransom.” After dust in the early part of the week, some rain on Thursday night and extended sunshine on Good Friday, I’m hoping for perfect conditions when we sow oats this morning. Wish me luck, I’m going in…

Last week the dust rose
above the cultivator,
Nothing like March dust
as a motivator!
It gives you hope
that oats can be drilled,
So your spring sowing
can be fulfilled!
On Easter Saturday
we’ll be out in the field,
hopefully perfect conditions
for the oat yield.
The traffic will pass and children
may shout “thrilling!
There’s the Baldock Bard
finishing his drilling!”

Wishing you all a very Happy Easter.
Wherever you are, whoever you’re with, may your world have peace (or if you’re field is wet, dust!).

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

Stuck in the Mud!

Posted on March 24, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

There are times in life when you sink in the mud and need someone else to pull you out. A couple of days ago some people got hold of this humble little website, attacked it, robbed it and left it lying on the side of the road. Ok, in my usual way I’m guilding the lily. I was the victim of a particularly nasty cyber attack. I just hope I haven’t made any enemies out there when ‘I’ (or someone pretending to be me), sent spam e-mails splashing into cyberspace…

The wheels are spinning,
there’s mud everywhere,
I feel I’m sinking,
I start to despair.
Two days later,
I think in disgrace,
I realise the damage is,
in cyberspace!
So if you’ve had an e-mail,
and angry you be,
I’m sorry and humble,
please forgive me!

With best wishes for a fantastic Easter. I know it’s too much to expect peace in the world, but I wish you peace in your world instead.
You may have missed my last posting: When Beans Run Short, you can find it here, http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=8092
Best wishes
Baldock Bard

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

When Beans Run Short!

Posted on March 24, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

When you are drilling a crop there is always the chance of disaster in one or more ways. Running out of seed is possibly the most frustrating, especially when dry weather is not guaranteed. No seed left, on a Saturday, in March, is possibly the most alarming of circumstances. However sometimes luck just runs with you…

Saturday we went drilling,
I’d be lying if I said it was thrilling,
driving up and down,
putting beans in the ground,
from bags often we’d be filling.

However things went awry,
not the weather, that was so dry,
But for more bean seed,
there was a real need,
finally the drill just ran dry!

I texted the agronomist Monday morning,
“Things have gone well, but a warning!
of seed we are short,
thus the drilling abort,
can we fetch a full bag from Horning?”

Late last night we were done,
achieved under lights – no sun!
The beans are now in,
and I’ve got a grin,
I can at last say that drilling was fun!
Many thanks to agronomist David Short for saving the day with seed. It is also worth noting that the seed didn’t came from Horning, but I’m not clever enough to make anything Whittlesford!
© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

Boating for Boys!

Posted on March 24, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

The other week I saw a sad sight. A once-loved boat, partially submerged and lying on its side. I once knew a boater who sold a boat on the Internet. Sadly for the buyer, it got as far as Peterborough on the A1 when it fell off the trailer and ‘floated’ down the dual carriageway. Caveat Emptor (buyer beware) applies…

He bought a boat on the Internet,
a surprise for his wife,
he imagined himself in a sailor’s hat,
“It’s great this boating life!”

Sitting out on the rear deck,
their iced-drinks gently clinking,
“Shall we set sail for Monaco?”
his ulterior-motive-thinking!

“Close your eyes now darling,
My gift it is just around here,”
His dreams dissolved completely,
When the submerged wreck drew near,

Sitting up on the open deck,
laughing and making merry!
“This is the life,” he said to his wife,
at sea on a cross-channel ferry!

Have a greaat day and watch out for ‘unseen’ treasure. Sometimes a bargain only involves an advantage for someone else and you could be let with that sinking feeling!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Tea and Angel Cake!

Posted on March 18, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

When driving a tractor for a few hours your mind starts to wander. I was working next to a field called the Burial Ground yesterday and this led to a very interesting in-depth discussion with myself concerning a possible problem with the afterlife. This was possibly also prompted by the contents of my packed lunch…

An elderly man who was called Bertie,
Fell asleep around 7.30,
The care assistant, “Call me Fred”
Didn’t notice he was dead.
Nobody noticed until bread was buttered,
That not a word had he uttered,
And so alerted Mrs Mold,
Who confirmed he was stone cold!

Bertie arrived at heaven’s gate,
St Peter said, “You are late,
I was about to lock up with my key,
Will you join me for a cup of tea?”
They arrived at an enormous table,
Held up by a chain and cable.
St Peter whispered “Make no mistake,
The best thing here is Angel Cake!”

Bertie laughed and ate his fill,
It was quite strange, not a single pill.
Then he spluttered “Upon my life,
That Angel looks like my first wife!”
“Hello Bertie,” the Angel said,
“I told you that I’d see you dead!”
As for words he was at a loss,
He’d just seen his former boss!

Have a great day and beware of daydreaming and Angel Cake!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

My dog and I like Rolling!

Posted on March 17, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

My dog likes rolling. She will find something dead on the lawn or in the field and smother herself with its perfume. This results in a bath at the earliest possible opportunity. I like to roll and have a bath afterwards, but I do it for a different reason…

Up and down the field I go,
The rolls behind the tractor,
Compressing the seedbed for the crop,
A smelly coat not a factor.
The rolls are heard for some distance,
As up and down I drive,
The only reason I later lay in the bath,
Helps my aches and pains subside!
Concocted and written in the bath after rolling a field rather than rolling in a field!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: March 2016

When Cars Go Wrong!

Bill and the Daffodils!

The Kite and the Drone!

Farmer Jack

Spring Oats on Easter Saturday!

Stuck in the Mud!

When Beans Run Short!

Boating for Boys!

Tea and Angel Cake!

My dog and I like Rolling!