Monthly Archives: June 2016

Going on a Fridge Hunt!

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The other day I went to the fridge and noticed a slight niff! Mrs Bard went to the fridge and exclaimed, “Have you no sense of smell?” It was then that we realised that our twenty-year-old Daewoo was no longer capable of purpose. After hours of poring over Which and other useful guides we were ready to go on a Fridge Hunt…

Our old fridge-freezer has finally died,
there was a pong something rotten inside,
been keeping things cool for twenty years,
gradually failed or so it appears!
Went to look at a vast warehouse,
many too big for anybody’s house.
Spent an hour doing the rounds,
rejected one at three thousand pounds!
The choice these days is just too vast,
you get ‘Fridge Blindness’ as you walk past,
Some chill water or make crushed ice,
wonderful machines apart from price!
So we chose a plain fridge/freezer,
after some tips from the sales-type geezer,
From tomorrow a better mood,
Non-melted ice and frozen food!

Have a great day, may your lollies be stiff, your peas frozen and your milk chilled!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Teaching in the Rain!

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Yesterday we had another school visit from a primary school in North London. It seems standard practice for the media to only sit up and take note when they can ‘bash a teacher’ citing the ‘things aren’t like they were in our day’ whinge. Just as yesterday’s children were about to leave and in the middle of the ‘Portaloo Run’, the heavens opened and we saw the best of a teacher’s care (all the others were very impressive too!)…

It takes a dedicated teacher
to stand out in the rain,
“There’s a Portoallo empty,
send a child again!”
It takes dedication,
the sort you can’t forget,
not a word of complaint
even though soaking wet!
So let’s hear it for our teachers,
bless ’em every one,
Don’t only excel in the rain,
but also in the sun!

With many thanks to all the teachers who have brought their classes to the farm over the years. The future is in your hands and from where I am sitting it’s looking exceptionally bright.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Easy Rider (retired!)

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ScooterThe other day I watched a completely contented pensioner ride his scooter down the street. His relaxed seating position reminded me of the age-old poster for Easy Rider! Seemingly at peace with the world, for me he summed up all that was genteel back in the day, my only regret being that I only had my phone and not a camera to capture the moment…

My old man rides a scooter,
he drives it down the street,
raises his hat to passers-by,
who all think he is neat!

It’s his only mode of transport,
he thinks that it’s a horse,
He calls it Mr Ed,
(after a TV show of course!)

Some old folk drive their scooters,
chariot-riding Queen Boudicea’s,
pedestrians run to avoid them,
primeval recollection of spears!

Remember, what you judge today could be you tomorrow! Have a great day and if you’re on your scooter, stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Fishy Fishy!

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Matt Fish‘You’re never too old to learn,’ they say! This weekend I watched a friend mixing up a concoction to feed to fish in the river. What looked like bird table fat-balls were handed around for us to smell. I had no idea that fish had noses or such a developed sense of smell; perhaps the police should look into using sniffer-fish? I was further confused when I learnt that none of the well-nourished catch would be plate-bound…

Friend Matt is a fisherman,
He’s always feeding fish,
then sits on the bank for hours,
nothing for the dish!

When Matt arrives home at last,
wife Hazel shouts and flips!
wanted fish upon her plate,
he’s bought her fish and chips!

‘Happy Fishing’ to all coarse fishermen when the season opens on June 16th. May your rods always be bent under the strain of the catch!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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European Champions!

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FlagsThe European Football Championships is in full swing down at our local Tesco. Flags of many nations hang silently over shelves of drink while in Marseilles some of our wonderful fans prove that they should venture no further than orange squash.

Our local Tesco has gone all out,
there’s a row of flags,
everything you could ever need,
football trophies, football mags!
But in France some errant fans,
play a different game,
Plastic Chair Throwing Championships,
blaming police again!
You’d think they could take their drink,
from a glance along the shelves,
they’re letting down a nation,
but most of all, themselves.
Have a great weekend and if you are into football, may your country of choice win!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Wonderful Woodland!

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This morning we are hosting a visit from a primary school from North London. Yesterday, when we’d finished preparing the barn and yard, I took a walk through the woods to plan their walk of discovery in a totally different environment to the one they are used to…

On one of the hottest days so far,
I, for once, abandon my car,
and take a walk through our ancient wood,
to prepare for the visit as I should.
I follow a path made by deer not man,
the air is cooling without need for a fan!
The sunlight breaks through the tall green roof
nature is wonderful, of that this is proof!
Wood 062

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Vandalism in the Village

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DCIM100MEDIADJI_0073.JPGOur tiny village is in shock. Unwanted visitors to the church have removed part of the copper roof and left many thousands of pounds worth of damage. My (very un-Christian) thoughts wish that either they’d been stranded up there or fallen off into the churchyard. To have taken such risks for a roll of copper sheeting beggars belief and one must question their sanity…

Thieves have stolen the copper
from our village church roof
it’s enough to make one think
thoughts that are very uncouth
The church has been there
for many a year
witnessed war and disasters
sadness and fear
I wish I had caught them
up on the roof
removed their ladder
leaving them all aloof!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Alien in the Dentist’s Light!

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Dentist LightLying in the dentist’s chair yesterday, looking up at the inspection lamp, I realised that if aliens wanted to see man at his most vulnerable they should infiltrate that light. Many people hate going to the dentist and put off the evil day. I find that whenever I’ve been, the care shown is such, that the fear vanishes and I’m left wondering what the fuss was all about…

I went to the dentist,
she said “Are you well?”
I said “It’s my tooth,
it’s hurting like Hell!”

She said “Let me look,
Oh yes! I can see,
this may feel uncomfortable,
open wide for me!”

After the injection,
she started to dig around,
I didn’t feel a thing,
but didn’t like the sound!

Suddenly it was over,
I rinsed the taste away,
Her parting words to me,
“Back on Thursday!”

The alien in the light,
reporting back from earth,
“She was too kind to him,
observation had no worth!”

With many thanks to my dentist for making the time in her chair as pain-free as possible.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Closing Down!

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Barretts1On Saturday I went to the closing-down sale of a general store that had been In the town of St Neots for over 125 years. The store was packed with bargain hunters, one wonders where all the people came from, and what was so different about this week. If there was something unusual that was rarely stocked these days, Barretts was the answer.

I wanted a pad
of Basildon Bond,
an old-fashined type
of writing paper I’m fond!

I asked the assistant
if she had,
some analogue paper
that came in a pad!

While I was there
“Can you recommend,
an analogue printer,
we once called a pen?”

She said “very funny,
now let me think!
I think we have everything
apart from analogue ink!”
barretts2
With best wishes for the future to all the staff at Barretts. You made the store and also made it worthwhile returning. You will be missed.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Johnny Hunter

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Johnny HYesterday I went to a ‘farmer’s funeral” (‘We Plough the Fields and Scatter’ as the first hymn!). I can’t say I knew Johnny Hunter well in recent years, but I knew him well enough to appreciate his tremendous courage, humanity and his unforgettable dry sense of humour. Many years ago I knew him better…

Many years ago I was a member of
a small discussion group
made up of farmers.
We’d meet up at a farm
and walk their crops
(grumbling when they looked better than our own!).
Later we’d sit around a cup of tea
and discuss weeds
or fungal diseases
or other exciting crop-specific topics.
I used to like to sit
within earshot of Johnny
because although
most of the time
he wore
a serious face,
it was simply there to heighten
the impact of a
sometimes wicked
joke or observation
that was about to flow
from his lips,
followed by
an unforgettable
smile.

It was my pleasure to have known you. Rest in peace.

Baldock Bard 2016

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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