Monthly Archives: September 2016

The Breakdown Day!

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plough-wheelYesterday I had a puncture in the plough. Sensing that the words ‘plough’ and ‘puncture’ are hardly ever used in the same sentence, I thought this was a unique opportunity for a verse. So while I was sitting at the tyre depot awaiting a new tyre I set about writing this…

The old men on the farm
Would have seen the joke
In this technological world
this farmer’s plough wheel’s broke!

“You say your cab is hot
Yet you have air conditioning?
We walked behind a horse
If it farted we changed positioning!”

“A puncture in the plough?
On the adjustable-depth wheel?
No problem in our day
As ours was made of steel”

“So many things have changed
Your world we cannot understand
But one thing we have in common 
You can always expect the unplanned!”

Later yesterday evening there was a sudden clonking noise from the tractor front axle. It sounded very expensive as I drove very carefully back to the farm. I await the engineers! It would seem that breakdowns only occur when you are busy, nothing ever broke while parked doing nothing in the shed during the winter!

© Baldock Bard 2016
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SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Ye Olde England Roads!

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lorriesYesterday I drove to Newark to collect an aged relative. Virtually the whole journey was on the A1 trunk road and the majority of this was just two-lane dual carriageway. A short stretch, near Peterborough, widened to four-lane. Updating the A1 has been ignored for many years, leading to irritation and frustration…

I come to a hill and there up front,
a dual between two trucks,
both are crawling at fifty-five,
this A1 road just sucks.

The traffic builds up behind them,
in my mirror show,
There should have been another lane,
over twenty years ago.

One is hauling local grain,
the other from Timbuktu,
In the distance I see flashing lights,
an ambulance is held up too.

It’s too late to change the road,
no hope for improvement now,
anti-everything environmentalists
and no European cash-cow!

In years to come visitors to this country will use the term ‘quaint’ to describe our roads. On holiday, holdups give them a greater view of ‘Ye Olde England’ from their coach window.The frustration of professional hauliers and drivers is unsurprising.

*The picture was taken by my dash-cam, no children or animals were used in the staging of this photo.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Swooping Seagulls Follow the Plough!

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seagullsYesterday afternoon I was not alone while ploughing. It was obvious that the Brighton and Hove Albion football team (nickname the Seagulls) weren’t playing as they were all watching me, circling the tractor, swooping and diving onto suddenly exposed worms in the furrow…

Brighton and Hove Albion,
can’t have been playing,
on Sunday afternoon.
Most of their fans,
we’re watching me ploughing
“This free buffet’s a boon!”

“Really don’t like the look of his furrows,
much better on the farm next door,
And judging by the taste of his worms,
His seasoning is very poor!”

All of a sudden at 3:45
the spectacle is over
They’ve all gone
with great aplomb
To watch cross-channel ferries at Dover

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Difficult Field!

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DCIM100MEDIADJI_0017.JPG

Ploughing is all about straight furrows (or so says the book I am reading in an attempt to improve). This is relatively easy until you come to circumnavigate an electric pole or pond in the middle of a field…

Whoever decided the shapes of the fields,
certainly didn’t think of the plough,
as this one seen from my drone,
is the one we’re ploughing now!
Seventeen corners six electric poles,
then you throw in a pond,
I can’t even ask anyone anymore,
it’s designer’s in the ‘Land of Beyond!’

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Service Interval

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Oliver LPI walked out into the yard the other morning and came face to face with what looked like a siege situation. Two large yellow vans were blocking the door into the barn. I approached with caution…

Two yellow vans block the shed door,
not a scene I’d witnessed before!
I approached with caution (unlike me!)
They’d come to service the JCB!
Now completed I can’t ask for more,
the tractor runs better than it did before,
the only problem that they couldn’t plan,
was to grease the joints of this old man!

With thanks to the two engineers from Oliver Landpower for using their skills to the max!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Clean Sweep!

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SweepOn one of the warmest summer days I awarded myself the job of sweeping out bins of wheat to transfer next door to the large barn in preparation for movement by haulier. It’s one those jobs that you can’t wait to get done, the reward at the end spurs you on to greater effort…

Sweeping wheat out of the bin
on a very hot day what a state you’re in!
Wearing a mask is a must,
to save your lungs from choking dust!
At last you find the bin is clear,
hair is itchy with chaff I fear.
It’s down my back, my neck itches,
shouldn’t wear shorts should wear britches!
Soon be time (please don’t laugh!),
to plunge myself into a welcome bath.
When I get out “I’m clean” I boast,
better clean the bath or I’ll be toast!
Really no need to act so smug,
as grains of wheat go down the plug!
The bath is clean, no more smear,

…I think it’s time 
FOR A POST-SWEEPING BEER!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Mechanic’s Hand!

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NutYesterday I spent over half an hour attempting to put a nut on a bolt in a very small space on the plough. When done in the factory it must have been a very different matter or one man would have continually held up the production line. In the end I managed to squeeze my little finger in from the other end and achieve some turns with a spanner. It set me thinking…

I need an eye on the end of this finger,
a spanner on the next,
a pneumatic gun,
on the end of my thumb,
and I wouldn’t be so vexed!

Mending a plough isn’t easy,
more bolts than an unruly horse,
if there were fewer,
the air less bluer,
It would be too easy of course!

I just pray that I don’t break the plough in the same place today. If I do, I’ll attempt to train a spider to do up that nut – could be interesting! 

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Drain Dilemmas!

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DrainsI sometimes wish I lived in a new-build house on an estate in a town. Yesterday was one such day. I wonder if you simply ‘Flush and Forget’? The contents of the toilet magically whisked away, out of sight and out of mind to a public facility beyond the range of view and smell. Unfortunately mains drainage (like fast broadband) has yet to reach this outpost of civilisation, just 35 miles north of Marble Arch in London. When there is a problem, out come the draining rods…

I lift the lid,
the problem is clear,
there’s no movement it would appear.
I assemble the rods,
each measures a yard,
locate the outlet that’s what’s hard.
Because the drain,
itself is full,
I’ll have to push as opposed to pull.
An hour of pushing,
this splattering smell,
Please someone release me from this hell!
Then all of a sudden,
a belching sound,
the obstruction has moved way underground.
There’s a satisfaction
no town-dweller knows,
when the smelly stuff suddenly flows!

“Fill the bath, flush the loo”
I shout to my daughter,
At last the sight of clean flowing water!

An hour later the problem is forgotten and my thoughts of a modern house with public sewage works fade back into the deep recesses of my mind, ready for the next time!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Silent Skies

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SwallowsIt is strange how when visitors leave you immediately notice the silence. This morning there is silence in the farmyard. Overnight the swallows, that provided a backdrop to our lives with their acrobatic flying, swooping after insects and constant chattering, have left on their long migration to Africa…

The departure lounge has been busy,
preparation to say ‘Goodbye’,
as these plucky little birds,
prepare to take to the sky.
They’ll fly down across Europe,
up to 200 miles in a day,
At night in huge flocks,
in reed beds they will stay.
After about six weeks,
in Namibia they will be,
and locals will likely say,
“The first swallow of summer I see!”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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