Tuesday Morning Panic!

Posted on February 28, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Tuesday mornings always involve some element of panic as Mrs Bard and I are responsible for a school run. Years ago when this was an everyday occurrence it posed no threat to order. However as now I’m fulfilling grandfatherly duties it spells panic as I rush around, although the hens on the farm don’t understand…

“There he goes a-rushing round,
don’t see his feet touch the ground,
if he were like us he’d know,
to take life gently as we go!
He’s let out the dogs, rushed up the drive,
very soon his charge will arrive.
The geese and we, wait patiently,
will we get breakfast? We’ll wait and see!”

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Not Racing Green!

Posted on February 27, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Many years ago I drove a Citroen. It was bright green, as bright as you could get in the mid-seventies. It may have been a strange colour but you could always find it in a full car park. Recently I saw a rather more expensive car in almost the same colour, it took me back in time…

If I bought a Bentley,
what colour should I have?
Doesn’t want to be garish,
don’t want to look a Chav!
British Racing Green,
is what is suggested,
that is for old men,
recommendation is rejected!

I could go for black,
old fashioned and demure,
or possibly russett brown,
the colour of manure!
Then I saw my choice,
on a Citroen 2cv,
and all at once I knew,
bright green was just for me!

I took it to a bootsale,
parked in a grass pitch (large!)
They thought I had no car,
perfect camouflage!

Tony and Doris!

Posted on February 24, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

We had some friends to stay. One of them had served time at a college for journalists in the seventies near the town of Harlow. We decided to share his reminiscences and visit some of his old haunts near Sawbridgeworth. Strangely enough this included a rather attractive pub. Suitably refreshed we made an acquaintance with Doris who was just passing at the time…

When sharing varied memories of a student past,
others in the room just see today!
Journalistic recollections make a good article,
papers are now free no need to pay!
All of a sudden in the middle of a sentence,
the lights in the bar began to blink,
out in the car park leaves began to rustle,
“Is that Storm Doris do you think?”
Hightailing it back to Baldock reminiscence over,
trees on local roads begin to fall,
roads are impassable media is excitable,
Have things changed? He doesn’t think much at all!
Hope you have a great weekend untroubled by wind!
If you want good food and great service and you’re in the Sawbridgeworth area, why not try The Thatchers, Hatfield Heath, CM22 7DU? We did and we’ll go back once the wind has dropped! https://www.thethatcherspub.com

The Yeti Generation!

Posted on February 23, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I have noticed that amongst those newly-retired of my generation there is a tendency to drive a make of car that thirty years ago would have not been considered. The new darling of the Sixty-plus is the Skoda Yeti. Nearing retirement, get your order in now…

We’re the Yeti Generation,
we remember better times!
Sunny summer days,
and poetry that rhymes.
Now many are retired,
we enjoy a scotch and soda!
And of course its obligatory,
we have to drive a Skoda!

Pensions at the ready folks, follow the trend to the Czech Republic!

Spring Cleaning!

Posted on February 22, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I’m often being asked, ‘What do you do during the winter?’. One important job is to deep-clean the grain store. Once this is done it can be inspected and we can be ‘Crop Assured’. This means every load of crop that leaves the farm can carry a ‘Crop Assured’ sticker on the paperwork. That load will be traceable, at any stage, back to this farm and the customer can be assured that I’ve done things right and followed all the rules…

For the last few weeks,
we have been,
giving the grain store,
its annual deep clean.
First we sweep,
then sweep again,
not a bad job,
during winter rain.
Elevators, tunnels,
conveyors too,
all have to be clean,
almost as new!
Then it’s inspected,
to make sure it’s clean,
and we can sell crops,
so traceability’s seen!
So that’s why my hair looks so grey, it doesn’t need colouring, it’s just dust. (That’s my explanation and I’m sticking to it!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Using Your Oko!

Posted on February 21, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The first time I heard the phrase ‘Get your Oko up’ was when I worked on a Cambridgeshire farm in the seventies. The phrase meant to use anger to accomplish a job that was either unpleasant or needed extra strength. Yesterday I had one of those jobs to do and used anger to help me…

I had some sawn up logs to move,
nobody near – nothing to prove,
and so I needed extra strength,
for large cut rounds and corded length

Before I started a cold-call rude,
helped to put me in the mood,
and as I lifted the heavy wood,
my back was questioning if I should!

I remembered something that made me cross,
the wood became light as candy floss!
All I can say it goes to show,
use up that Oko you’ll be nice to know!

Have a good day and use that Oko to the best effect!
© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Monday Morning Mess!

Posted on February 20, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Monday mornings always seem to come as a shock. Despite knowing for many hours that it was on its way it still surprises. In our case it doesn’t help that we have a naughty puppy that’s not a puppy anymore. All the food she inhails seems to turn to naughtiness in her stomach. Then when she is caught being bad she puts on ‘sorry’ display to rival that of a West-End actor…

Monday morning the kitchen’s a mess,
the puppy had gone berserk,
bed-stuffing was scattered all over the room,
and I had to get to work.
“Bad Puppy!” I whispered under my breath,
“Grrr, you are so bad!”
and then I gave her a biscuit,
my telling off made her look sad!
So on my hands and knees to tidy,
before coffee or cereal or toast,
and suddenly I had a lick on my nose,
it seems she loves me the most!

Enjoy your Monday, stay safe and happy out there!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Spring Seed!

Posted on February 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

All our spring-sown seed is now in the barn ready for drilling. There is always a fair amount of luck involved when choosing varieties. Despite all the evidence from producer, seller, research establishments or agronomist, you never know just how a new variety will suit your soil. Both of our spring varieties we grew last year with reasonable results, so here we go again…

Spring is around the corner,
we know that it is near,
because we’ve had deliveries,
all the spring-sown seed is here.

Six tons of Canyon Spring Oats,
Eight tons of Vertigo Beans,
the oats will be for breakfast,
the beans will make proteins.

But first we need dry weather,
I once knew a man called Fred,
who said to me many years ago:
“Seed will never grow in the shed!”

Enjoy a great weekend wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.

The Close Call!

Posted on February 16, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday on the way to take an ancient relative to the doctor, I came across two vehicles coming straight at me! Natrually I was a little concerned that their actions might just pose a threat to life – mine! When I returned home, while recounting the tale to my nearest and dearest, I remembered it was captured on the dashcam and it wasn’t just a bad dream…

Coming out of Baldock
towards the nearest junction,
I beheld a sight, that caused me fright,
almost caused a function!
A lorry coming at me,
I thought a crash was certain,
I thought “Sh*t, this is it!
maybe this is curtains!”
I was overreacting,
no morbid thoughts a-linger
as he drove past, still quite fast,
he gave me the finger!

If you’re driving, be careful, it’s a dangerous world out there!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Valentine Verse!

Posted on February 14, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Today is St Valentine’s Day. Millions of people around the world will buy flowers, chocolates and champagne in the hope of attracting love. Sometimes love needs a bit of help, especially if you are a purple dinosaur…

Pete the Purple Dinosaur,
Thought it most unfair,
That he had purple skin,
Wasn’t getting anywhere!
Every Friday,
Come wind or rain or hail,
He took the bus into town,
In love he’d always fail.

But today he’s been rewarded,
A card through his door at eight,
From Pam the Pink Plegasaurus,
Could they have a date?
She’s been looking at his profile,
She likes his manly chest,
When you’re a purple dinosaur,
Computer dating’s best!

Wishing you all a very Happy Valentines Day!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: February 2017