The Joy of a Blocked Drain!

Posted on May 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning the sky is dark, there is a mist hanging over the wood and it has been raining overnight. A quick look around the yard shows up a blocked drain, there are even puddles on the drive and the geese and ducks are smiling…

I never thought I’d be so pleased,
to find a blocked drain.
Overnight,
we’ve had 11mm of rain!
That’s more than I’ve seen,
In the last 30 days,
(says he shouting:
Hip Hip Hourays!)

I wondered if it would rain,
again this year,
…so out with the waterproofs,
I’ve a drain to clear!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Sidney Snail at the Boot Sale!

Posted on May 15, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last Saturday my four-year old granddaughter helped me clear up the litter after the car boot sale I organise near Baldock. She was well on the way to a Gold Star when she shouted “over here!” Expecting treasure or failing that, some gold Roman coins, I was slightly bemused to see a snail making its way through, what to him must have seemed like, a forest complete with giant daisies…

While clearing up litter after the car boot sale,
Grand-daughter and I came across Sidney Snail.
“Hello! you two,” he shouted at us,
“If you’re after bargains, you’ve missed the bus!”
“Not at all Sidney,” replied granddaughter with a titter,
“everyone’s gone, we’re picking up litter!
all we’ve found so far to be true,
some bags of dog muck, butt ends and you!
However if you’re hungry look over there,
a half-eaten burger overlooked by a hare!”
“Why thank-you young Miss I’ll be moving along,
see you next week, stay safe and stay strong!”

… and with that he put his motorhome into gear and off he toddled!

Rain Rain!

Posted on May 13, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

We are looking forward to a super-soaking-shower in order to cure all the ills that are afflicting the crops on the farm, namely lack of rain! When spreading fertiliser on Thursday the drone footage showed up all the stressed areas of the crops as being almost yellow. This is purely down to only having only 9mm of rain (less than a quarter of normal) since March 23rd, in what should have been a period packed full of April showers. However even though we are desperate, we can be picky…

“Rain, rain come today,”
Not today it’s Saturday!
Maybe when the bootsale’s over,
you can make your way from Dover!
If this morning from France you’re sent,
spend the morning down in Kent!
Lets us have a weekend fun-day,
you can send all you like on Monday!

One good thing about the weather
…politicians control it? Please not ever!

Have a great weekend wherever you are and may your plans not be spoiled by either weather or politicians! Stay safe and enjoy yourselves!

The Spillage!

Posted on May 12, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday, in anticipation of a much needed shower of rain, we applied the final dose of fertiliser to the wheat and oats. Unfortunately I ended up having to clear up where I had been clumsy with a big bag. I was careful to scatter the sweepings onto the field as I remembered what happened last time…

Sometimes you just can’t help it,
things will end up wrong,
the best ever intentions,
leave you in the pong!

Yesterday I split a bag,
not a ‘bag for life’,
I ended up a-shovelling
I hadn’t used a knife!

I’d driven over a nasty bump,
the big bag swung around,
and before I could stop it,
spilt fertiliser on the ground.

The last time that it happened
many years ago
I sprinkled it on the lawn
…all I ever did was mow!

Thank Heavens for Gaffer Tape! It doesn’t just hold my trousers up and mend a ripped ton-bag but a whole host of other life-saving jobs around the farm!
If you don’t want to spend all your free time mowing, go steady with the fertiliser!
Have a fantastic Friday. BB
STOP PRESS…… 2mm of rain overnight – Never have I been so pleased with so little. At least the fertiliser won’t evaporate and the plants will get some benefit! HAPPY DAYS!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Barley Mow Lane

Posted on May 11, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

One of the advantages of doing form-filling for the EU’s Basic Payment Scheme is that you visit those often overlooked, but beautiful parts of the farm. One such place is Barley Mow Lane (TL2731, 5940, WO12 Woodland 0.2439ha, in case you were wondering!). Years ago, this wooded track formed the walk from the farm’s cottages to the local pub. Dis-use due to nobody employed on the farm, cars conveying the thirsty to places afar, closure of the pub in the late seventies and cottages sold off, means it has reverted to a magical small piece of woodland…

Tommy, Bill and Paul,
were in the pub’s darts team,
they’d walk up from the cottages,
double-tops were their dream!
The hard work of the day,
washed away with many beers,
dominoes and companionship,
and the echoing of ‘Cheers!’
Now the track is silent,
Nature has taken its course,
very few now visit,
except sometimes on a horse!

All was peaceful until the farmer arrived with his drone!

The Heron!

Posted on May 10, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Whenever I see a heron by the water’s edge on the river, I always think he is silently making fun of me! He stands there all aloof, passing judgment as we rush around keeping to our hectic daily schedules. I don’t suppose he’s even bothered about us; he’s probably just wondering what he’ll have for lunch…

The old heron stood on the river bank,
“I’ve seen some stuff,” he said,
“By being tall I’ve seen ‘em all,
it’s never gone to my head!”

“I’ve lived on fish all my life,
neither cow nor pig have I tasted,
no microwave for the time it saves,
no cooking time is wasted!”

“I watch you humans rush about,
no time to stop and stare,
I see you pose in your fancy clothes,
while I stand in my underwear!”

Dedicated to all Herons. May your fish be plentiful and your waters peaceful.

Top of the Form (fillers)!

Posted on May 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Despite heading for the fire-exit of Europe we still have to fill in forms. At the moment we are fast heading for deadline day for BPS from the RPA (Basic Payment Scheme from the Rural Payments Agency). These are pre-populated forms containing last years cropping information (completed forms with field and crop sizes that may or not be correct and may contain at least one random field from Cornwall or similar). The only way to avoid a stinging penalty is get out the measuring wheel and start from scratch with uncertain field and crop areas…

I pushed my measuring wheel around the farm
It caused humour (and a pain in my arm!)
A man out walking said: “you make me laugh,
don’t you know the size of this ancient footpath?”
I told him “I’ve got to check you see,
field sizes are right for the EEC!
It’s form-filling time and if they’re wrong,
the ensuing penalty could cost me a song.”
He then said, “What on earth are you like?
a typical farmer – only half a bike!”

BPS almost done, just one or two areas to check! If you’re form-filling today, may your head be clear and your glasses clean!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Early Morning Sleep Depravation!

Posted on May 7, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last Saturday I was surprised to find a large queue of sellers awaiting me at the car boot sale. It was silly-o-clock in the morning, a time most sensible people have never seen at the weekend! A late arrival, some hours later, who still found a space, suggested somewhere they could go…

Before half-past six on Saturday,
they queued for the car boot sale,
some had been there for over an hour,
in case their pitch for a pitch should fail!
Someone suggested that they should,
possibly later this week,
buy a comfortable mattress,
or specialist counselling seek!

Have a great week and savour those extra minutes stole in bed after the alarm has rudely interrupted your sleep!

Bootsale Topdown!

Posted on May 6, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

According to those who know more than me about photography (that’s anyone with a ‘Box Brownie’ or similar!), the above photo of last weeks car boot sale is known as a ‘Topdown’. If there is an acknowledged way of taking wonderful photos, I haven’t found it yet! I rely mostly on a bit of luck, my DJI Mavic Pro drone and my un-trained eye…

Flying above the bootsale,
somewhat below the clouds,
my brave little drone,
takes topdowns of the crowds!
Sometimes they are acceptable,
sometimes I make a boob,
but sometimes they are good enough,
to put up on my You-Tube!

To see the animated version of the picture above please visit:
https://youtu.be/qJW94iqH-SU
Have a great weekend and stay safe!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
25 YEARS!
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

My Farmer Failings!

Posted on May 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Amongst my many failings, Mrs Bard has one big complaint. Whenever we drive somewhere I’m always looking over the hedge to see what other farmers are doing! From “That doesn’t look a very good field of wheat,” to “That crop looks far better than mine!” Passing a tractor on the road begs the question (sometimes unspoken!) – “What’s he doing? Where’s he going?” Farmers can’t help it although apparently counselling can sometimes help…

If a farmer has a drone,
you’re in the garden with only socks,
he won’t be looking at you,
just at his neighbours’ crops!
If you see a naked knight in the bathroom,
without his suit of armour,

You can take a farmer from the farm,
but never remove it from a farmer!

Have a great day and stay safe. Picture shows Case Quadtrac and Lemkin cultivator – only saying in case you’re interested!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Monthly Archives: May 2017