Monthly Archives: June 2018

Simon Woz Ere!

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Have you ever wondered what you’ll leave behind after your day is done? Perhaps your lasting presence will be preserved in digital bytes on Twitface or similar? A piece of graffiti on a rail bridge gave me cause to ponder this question the other day…

‘Simon woz Ere”
written in paint,
apart from the spelling,
I found it quite quaint!
How did he do it,
was it done for a dare,
must have sat on the pipe,
with nary a care!
So let’s here it for ‘Simon’,
he can be sure,
that until workmen paint it,
his immortality’s secure!

I have to admit that despite sharing a name, I didn’t do it and haven’t the nerve nor the love of heights to leave such a marker!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Donkey’s Half Trim!

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It’s a well-know fact that many farmers make bad gardeners unless they can use a tractor! In my garden I wage a love/hate war with the topiary. Topiary can be compared to a vegetable plot – fine where you just look at it in someone else’s garden, but it’s hard work and unlike vegetables you can’t just pop out to buy what you need in town! According to my late mother I am the eighth generation to cut the hedges, they should have had my battery-powered trimmer (with added beer!)…

I was trimming the garden topiary,
Dreaming of a beer!
When I reached the man on a donkey,
My arms were tired I fear.
The trimmer whirred and snipped away,
Cut around the donkeys head,
and just before I removed an ear,
The battery went suddenly dead!
So I put it back on charge,
Much-relieved I did appear,
There was much relief from dead relations,
So I revived myself with a beer!

If you are doing something skilled and need a hand today, don’t ask me to help!! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side!
Just in case you were wondering… the picture shows the man on a donkey half trimmed!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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The One-Winged Bandit!

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Here on the farm we seem to have gained the reputation as a sanctuary for birds who are abandoned, un-loved or poorly. Our latest recruit is a goose who had a nasty operation that ended with the removal of a wing. As he is now in possession of just one ‘arm’ naturally he had to be called ‘Bandit’ (after the fruit machine). He has settled in and is now a fully-fledged member of the much-feared Goose Gang…

Bandit strolls around the farm,
an exaggerated stagger as only one ‘arm’!
He’s slowly joining in with the gang,
as around the pond they hang,
of his bravery there is no lack,
he fights with one ‘arm’ behind his back!

Have a great day and stay safe

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Betty’s Yeti!

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The other day we took a friend to a local garage to look at a Skoda Yeti. If you remember the 70’s and 80’s, every single motoring joke was about a Skoda (eg why does a Skoda have a heater rear window – to keep your hands warm when you push-start it on a winter’s morning! etc. etc. ad nauseam). These days the joke is on other manufacturers. It may be because I’m old, but I was impressed, so was our friend. As a result there will be sightings of a Yeti in London, sleek and silver without the shaggy hair…

A friend has bought a Yeti,
(no, her name’s not Betty!)
No long hair,
like a bear,
the Yeti isn’t sweaty!

Yet again I find myself having to apologise for the quality, one can only hope and pray for better results tomorrow! Best wishes BB

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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‘Tut-Tuting’ in the Queue!

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More and more people seem to have less and less time on their hands these days. A two minute wait at traffic lights or a queue of more than four customers at the bank leads to much ‘tut-tutting!’ This seems to be most prevalent at the supermarket check-out…

Sunday morning at the basket checkout,
an old man with full basket makes another want to shout!
Then horror of horrors he’s not weighed his veg,
and some in the queue move closer to the edge!
Then the weigher doesn’t weigh and is broken down into parts,
resulting in a queue of irate olden-farts!
They have time during the week to do their shopping,
but at the weekend it’s the aisles they are a-clogging!
When they start to tut I remember a quote to fit:
‘When God made time he made plenty of it!’

Have a great day and watch out for me ‘tut-tutting’ at the checkout! Apologies yet again for the poor quality of the verse this morning, it reminds me never to give up my day job!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Where Old Caravans go to Die!

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Walking the dogs this week in rural Cambridgeshire, I came across an abandoned caravan in a small yard miles from anywhere. Such is life, that once you spot one, you spot more and by yesterday I’d seen more abandoned caravans than one could sake a stick at. I came to the conclusion in the middle of the night that I’d discovered where old caravans go to die…

I was awake and in my mind’s eye,
I wondered where caravans go when they die,
when you stop to look and stare,
you see dead caravans everywhere.

They remember a time,
when the kids were both young,
old-fashioned holidays,
in the rain and the sun,
such great excitement,
with Lucy and Lance,
queuing at Dover,
before a ferry to France.
Life slowed down,
when the kids left home,
Sid and Betty,
were left on their own,
gentle weekends,
with the caravan club,
a few days away,
in a field by a pub.
Sid stopped driving,
and Betty didn’t tow,
sold the van to a rider,
to take to a show,
but then the rider,
got bored with her horse,
the caravan now lays abandoned,
between the elder and gorse.

…as for boats,
it’s different I think,
they just give up,
and finally sink!

If you’ve been away in a caravan for Half-Term I hope you had a wonderful time and brought back many wonderful memories.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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