Have you ever had to deal with a blocked drain? Not the most pleasant of jobs, particularly when it is the waste pipe that connects from the toilet to a septic tank that won’t flow. A strong stomach, no sense of smell, some thick gloves and a total lack of a gag reflex is called for. My best advice is to always call the plumber well before any of these items fail…

There was a man lived near Staines
Had awful problems with his drains
His wife had trouble with the flow
“When I’ve gone, it won’t go!”

He told her not to make a fuss,
Hold down the lever for a double flush!
She said “please don’t shout at me,”
“Until it’s done there’ll be no tea!”

“Shall I call the plumber or will you?
Say it’s an emergency, that much is true!”
“But he’ll charge a fortune, think me a berk,
I’ll clear it tomorrow after work!”

“Can’t do it now, it’s dark tonight,
Wouldn’t be able to see if I was right!”
“I’ve got no rods to clear the flue,
Can you get some tomorrow from B&Q?”

Came home from work, called her a sod,
“I didn’t mean a fishing rod!”
She told him again not to shout,
“Just go upstairs and fish it out!”

He went outside removed a lid,
Right past his face, something slid!
He exclaimed “Well I’ll be fo*k*d
The drain right here can’t be blocked!”

“There’s just one thing I’ll do if I can,
Reach my arm into the pan!”
The water was foul and awful stinking,
“What am I doing? What am I thinking?”

He wiggled his fingers around the bend,
Gagging, belching and retching no end!
Finally he discovered, soft and whole,
Out of the pan fished a whole loo roll!

“That’s where it went, I heard a splash,
Is that the phone? I must dash!”
With that his wife closed the door
And left him retching on the floor!

The moral of this tale is clear,
Need to go fishing? Choose a pier!
If your drains block, especially in summer,
Swallow your pride – CALL THE PLUMBER!

© Baldock Bard 2013
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