Chinese Burns! | Baldock Bard

There is a great fear amongst farmers at this time of year, of a fire that sets crops alight and cannot be easily extinguished. I have attended enough field fires in my time to know that the arrival of the fire brigade is sometimes not the end of the flames as forest fires show. I remember driving into a burning field and ploughing a wide firebreak through the smoke. On exiting the dense smoke I caught sight of a fireman leaping out of the way to avoid the tractor and plough. Luckily the fire was extinguished by the plough and crops were saved. That was from a bearing on a baling machine overheating. These days it is more likely to be caused by the letting off of a Chinese Lantern by a wedding party. As a founder of the Killjoy Party (farm division) I’d like to see them banned for use over land…

There’s a big fire up in Smethwick,
Chinese Lanterns are to blame,
One was seen on cctv,
Before a burst of flame.
100,000 tonnes of plastic,
Flames seen for miles around,
Bride and grooms celebration,
Cost £6m pound!

My crops are starting to ripen,
I can’t afford the loss,
So please curtail these bloody lanterns,
Or I’ll get mighty cross!

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