Friends Matt and Hazel have a small dog called Rosie. People who don’t have a dog will not understand how they can completely take over your life. They are control on four legs, no service is quite good enough. Dog owners have been known to beg for the slightest praise…

Translation by Rover, a wise old sheepdog:
“I have two humans who live with me,
Human(m) and Human(f).
Once they have prepared my breakfast,
they are free to eat theirs.

Human(f) then leaves my house,
Human(m) sometimes says in a strange voice:
“mummy’s gone to work now!”
I don’t know what he means.
I think she might have gone somewhere to buy my food.
I allow them to fetch food for themselves too,
From what I think is called a shop,
But why should I care where it comes from,
so long as it comes and is on time!

We then leave in the Rosie transporter for ‘work’,
I let Human(m) drive as I can’t reach the pedals.
Sometimes at working I see friends:
Alfie and his human,
and sometimes Basil and Rowan,
who bring one of their humans for a walk.

I have recently learnt to tell the time:
Daytime,
Breakfast time,
Lunchtime,
Suppertime,
Night time,
Bed time.

All humans are back in my house before supper,
as they must prepare my meal,
then I let them eat so long as I have offerings to taste.

Then it’s bedtime.
I let my humans share my bed,
but I am very tired as it’s exhausting looking after two humans,
and so they’d better not disturb my sleep!

I dream about new and exciting ways to control my humans.
Tomorrow is another day!”

Dedicated to Paula, Basil and Rowan’s Human(f), a true dog-lover who has been very poorly recently, Everyone wishes you well – Get Well Soon.

© Baldock Bard 2014
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