Author Archives: The Baldock Bard.

About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

The Old Oak Tree!

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The other day I took my trusty drone for a walk around the wood.The evening sun was just setting and it gave everything a red glow. The autumn colours were just about done on most tees, although the old oaks were still hanging onto their leaves in defiance of the colder days…

The old oak tree,
is bathed in red,
some would say,
“She’s ready for bed.”
Others would say,
“she’ll soon naked be,
and furthermore,
it’s only a tree!”
There is one thing,
that should be said,
“By the time she dies,
we’ll have been a long time dead!”

Most of us are blind to the beauty that surrounds us.
Take a look around you today, you may be surprised!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

 

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The November Rose

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I had an email from one of my readers asking if I was well, as my poetic postings had suddenly dried up three weeks ago. The cause for the sabbatical was my father’s death at the age of 92 after a lifetime enjoyed and well lived. Earlier this week, while having a bit of a tidy-up before my father’s funeral, I came across a lonely-looking rose in the garden…

The deck chairs are gathering dust,
the barbecue’s put away,
the sun casts long dark shadows,
Winter is on its way.

The last colour in the garden,
a single rose (of colour bright),
fighting against all odds,
twixt coming frost and darken night

There is a time for us to die,
that is how life’s cycle goes,
some bow out with a burst of colour,
just like this November rose!

Stay healthy and safe and enjoy life!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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Decision Made…!

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There is a photo-sharing website that has a category entitled ‘A decision was made here!’ of items returned by shoppers to the wrong shelf. Yesterday in a supermarket I witnessed this having just witnessed a hissed argument between a husband and wife. I added two and two together…

HE SAID:
“What’s that in the trolley?
Who do you think you are?
Even with weight loss,
you’re no Kate Moss,
you’ll never fill that bra!”

SHE SAID
“Why thank you darling husband,
for those comforting words I hear,
your expansive gut,
you like to strut,
can’t possibly be down to beer!”

On the end of an aisle a discarded bra,
that she’ll never fill,
the argument,
means money spent,
enough crisps to make her ill!

Have a great day and steer clear of any unpleasantness if you can! Let’s all be kind out there!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019

Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Where is the De-icer?

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This morning sees the first sharp frost of the winter. The clocks went back yesterday and so it’s now de-icer time. I could have sworn it was in the car…

Where did I put the de-icer?
I could have sworn it was in the boot,
I’ve an important meeting at work,
don’t want to get ice on my suit.
I remember it well in the summer,
it was here when it was so hot,
I haven’t a cassette case to scrape with,
If I’m late I may lose the plot.
The kettle is empty of water,
my coffee used the last drop,
there’s no salt in the cupboard,
I may have to run to the shop!

I went to look in the garage,
on the shelf there was a new can,
my wife had bought it while shopping,
she knows I’m one useless man!

Hope your scraping of the windscreen was successful and your day is lucky!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019

Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Breakfast Crew!

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Saturday saw our final Baldock car boot sale of the 2018 season. While many customers moaned about finding something to do next Saturday, others remarked on the cold early-morning temperature at this time of year. This didn’t seem to worry our catering team who were busy over a hot plate and urn making breakfasts…

Grant Linda and Gemma,
worked hard in the catering van,
it’s great to see Grant is still with us,
he was so poorly for such a big man!

I wonder what they’ll do next Saturday?
Will they enjoy a lie-in in bed?
or will they not be able to sleep,
still on ‘boot-sale-time’ instead!

When they go to put on the bacon,
will they try to fry the whole pack?
and suddenly realize there’s no reason,
as the clocks have only just gone back!

Come the Saturday after Easter,
once again they’ll be back at the sale,
and everyone will be happy,
with ‘out of season tales’ to regale!

With many thanks to Grant, Linda and Gemma. Wishing all customers and staff at the boot sale a very Happy Christmas!
https://www.thechefshotplate.co.uk

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019

Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The World’s Largest Donut!

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The other night I dreamt that I was eating the world’s largest donut! Being diabetic and no longer allowed such fare, it was a wonderful illicit dream and took me back in time to two years ago before I was diagnosed when it would have been no impossible dream…

The world’s largest donut,
was in front of me!
Had to lift it up,
with my JCB.
Opened wide,
and took a bite,
to eat it all,
would have taken all night!

When I woke in the morning,
no sugar-coated mouth,
no lump in my stomach,
heading south,
I could have sworn if allowed,
I’d have eaten it all,
the wonderful dreams,
of a diabetic fool!

Have a fantastic Friday and if you can, treat yourself!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
LAST SALE TOMORROW!
THIS SATURDAY
20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The web of pearls

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Yesterday morning I went out to the car and there on the door was a beautifully intricate spiders web that had captured rain drops overnight. Sadly it is a sign that the weather is preparing to change seasons and the warm days will soon be a memory…

The spider spins her wonderful web,
between the wing mirror and the door,
a reminder that the days are shorter,
and winter will soon be here once more.
There may still be a few sun-filled afternoons,
that summon a final warm hurrah,
but autumn is here the leaves are falling,
and a web of pearls strung on my car.

Have a Happy Thursday and enjoy the last few mild days!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
LAST SALE THIS SEASON
THIS SATURDAY
20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Politics of Silence

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Last week at the Baldock car boot sale a seller was selling picture frames. He used one to make a valid political observation. I’m not fond of any politician and I found myself agreeing with his message…

Where were all the Euro-MP’s,
before we had the vote?
I can’t remember a single one,
saying anything of note.

Do you know the name of your Euro MP?
Do you know what they’ve achieved?
Their silence is truly deafening,
leaves ordinary voters aggrieved.

They’ve got their seats on the gravy train,
don’t care about you and me,
what they do in Brussels we’ll never know,
it’s politics you see!

Am I interested in these parasites?
“Hell no!” is what I say!
I’d exile them all to Elba,
with not a euro of severance pay!

Have a great week and let’s just pray for some common sense, for all our sakes!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
LAST SALE THIS SEASON
THIS SATURDAY
20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Amateur Plumber!

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Most farmers are, through necessity, ‘Jack of All Trades!’. They can turn their hands to most things in an emergency, mostly so long as it involves baler-twine or gaffer tape! I try my best, I never tough electrics, however have been known to tackle small plumbing jobs. Yesterday the taps ran dry in the house and so I replaced a ball-cock in the attic…

I’m a very amateur plumber,
I’m not a plumbers mate,
I can sometimes mend a water leak,
before it is too late.

But sometimes I leave it,
“I’ll sort that out sometime!”
and water drips through the ceiling,
and yes! The fault is mine!

This time all went smoothly,
praise caught me unawares,
then I went and spoilt it,
the ladder’s still upstairs!

May you shower be warm and your taps never drip!
Have a great Friday and weekend

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Not Trying Too Hard!

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The realisation struck me sometime yesterday that yesterday’s posting was not exactly the finest advert for my drone-flying or photography skills! So I looked back in my archives to find a more realistic example! I suddenly realised that it takes luck as well as skill. The harbour authority in Wells next the Sea have used it as the cover for their 2018 Harbour Guide…

To take a good photo with a drone,
takes a fair bit of luck,
if you haven’t got it,
you might as well quack like a duck!
On holiday in Norfolk,
I had an idea,
(it was in November,
and they don’t have a pier!)
They were digging out the harbour,
a 360 on a barge,
then emptying out to sea,
far from la plage!
I sent out my drone,
to watch it empty in the sea,
the picture turned out perfectly,
no-one surprised more than me!

May your day go better than expected

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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