About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

The Gosling’s Mother!

Posted on April 29, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many times in life when I see an image that takes my breath away and I can admit to being jealous of the photographer. Friend Val is a great wildlife photographer and I asked if I could borrow this picture of our new goslings because I believe it is truly worth ‘a thousand words’. Worry not dear reader, I’m not about to deliver that many words…

Val took this picture,
of our geese having a chat:
“Girls, I told you he wasn’t the father!”
perfect for a photo like that!

Thank you Val for letting me share this with others, wonderful photo.
Have a great weekend. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Nature’s Confetti!

Posted on April 28, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This time of year we have fleeting moments that mostly we miss in our hurley-burley lives. The daffodils hang their dying heads and the snowdrops are a distant memory. Their places taken by bluebells in the woods and blossom blowing on the wind…

It looks like there’s been a wedding,
on our drive today,
where everyone threw confetti,
as the happy couple went away!

On the trees are Nature’s bouquets,
perfect for the bride,
to walk down the aisle,
with her intended by her side.

But if you look closely,
no bridal party came this way,
just blossom from the trees,
as in the wind they sway!

Have a great weekend. If you are getting married may happiness fill your day.

The Disappointment of Rain Gauges!

Posted on April 27, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Like a small child waking up on Christmas Day, I rushed out to my rain gauge this morning to see what the clouds had left me in the last 24 hours. The result was like getting the train tracks from Santa, with optional station and signal box, but without any rolling stock! However the forecast suggests ‘Light Rain Showers’ from 2pm until midnight…

The disappointment in my rain gauge,
will haunt me all day long,
just 2 millimetres (or an eighth of an inch),
is neither right nor wrong!
I suppose it’s just a case,
of farmers being satisfied,
with what we’ve got (not a lot!),
and accept the weather’s not on our side!
…But there’s is always hope for today!

If you’re looking forward to a sunny day, I hope you find it. However if you spot some rain-bearing clouds, please send them my way (but NOT for Saturday!).

Mr Bunn’s Big Bag!

Posted on April 26, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Throughout my farming career there have not been many years when we haven’t used fertiliser from Bunns, an old established company from Norfolk. While waiting for the spreader yesterday, I contemplated the wonderful advancement of the big bag that makes my job of carting to the spreader from the barn so easy. I the days of my youth the man doing the same job used to have to handle 1cwt (50kg) bags by hand, a back-breaking task…

Years ago a Mr Bunn,
said to his wife: “let’s give farmer’s fun!”
They sat in the kitchen with a bottle of Tizer,
“we’ll sell them small bags of fertiliser!”
So for years they made farmers sweat,
(and praying for rain but not too wet!)
After the couple had enjoyed a good laugh:
“Let’s go down a different path!
We’ve made them panic, now let the sweat run,
we’ll fill a bag that weighs a ton!”
Every year it’s easier for me,
they didn’t take into account my JCB!

With many thanks to Bunns and all the fertiliser manufacturers and sellers for initiating a quiet revolution un-noticed by most who drive by our farms.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

April Showers?

Posted on April 25, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This has been an extraordinary month. April showers have failed to materialise and fertiliser that should have been applied in late-March still sits in the shed a month later. The urea needs moisture to activate it otherwise it just evaporates and no nutrients reach the plant. Luckily we farm heavy clay soil that is well known (and often cursed!) for its moisture retention properties – mostly it’s either hard as rock or wet as muck. This year, despite the dry conditions it is ‘friendly soil’, however I could still do with some rain…

Like passengers at a bus stop,
bags of fertiliser wait in line,
they’ve been queuing for a month,
waiting all this time!
We can’t blame the weather on Brexit,
Trump or even Le Pen,
we want absent April showers,
would help the crops no end!
They say you can’t please a farmer,
no wonder they curse and shout,
lack of rain when needed,
will arrive when the combine’s out!

…despite some slight drizzle yesterday evening, this morning the sun shines like a summer’s morn! Oh well, the one thing nobody control is the weather, so I might as well sit back and enjoy it!

The Abandoned Frying Pan!

Posted on April 24, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

After our 687th car boot sale in our 25th year there was very little rubbish to pick up. The morning had started with un-forecasted drizzle but by closing time the sun was shinning. It was quite pleasant wandering around picking up the odd piece of paper or coffee cup. I have found many things left behind in the past, however I came upon a ‘first’…

‘Shadowman’ was picking litter,
after the car boot sale,
his eyesight not what it used to be,
but spots litter without fail!
There on the ground lay a frying pan,
to pick it up he leant down,
but shadows have no grip at all,
so it stayed upon the ground!
Someone had paid 50p,
or that was the price thereon,
the pan was detached from the handle,
thankfully pancake day has gone!

Have a great week. I hope you stay contented, happy and safe

Silver Stairway to Relief!

Posted on April 22, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday while preparing for the first car boot sale of the season I noticed some remedial work was necessary on the toilet steps. After welding up the joints I remembered I had some odd spray cans left over in a unit from an untidy tenant. Two of the cans were silver wheel paint, how perfect for our twenty-fifth anniversary season at the car boot sale…

On top of the trailer staircase,
you will find relief,
the facilities are clean,
I hope your visit’s brief!
On our silver anniversary,
of the car boot sale,
would be unfortunate,
if the staircase were to fail.
I welded up some cracks,
(one hidden underneath)
then painted the staircase silver,
‘Silver Stairway to Relief!’

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, have fun and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS Morning!
2017 Season
From April 22^nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

They Will Come!

Posted on April 21, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Twenty-five years ago this year I stood in a field of grass near Baldock with the gate open. I was hoping, rather like Kevin Costner in the film Field of Dreams, that ‘They Will Come!’ That morning, twelve brave sellers came through the gate with around sixty buyers and the Baldock Car Boot Sale was up and running! However, for 686 Saturday mornings since then, a little voice in the back of my head has continually whispered saying: “Will they come?” Thankfully the answer has always been ‘YES!’ and we have clocked up over 40,000 sellers and well over 500,000 buyers since that first tentative step. They did come…

In my ‘Field of Dreams’,
near to Baldock town,
we have a boutique boot sale,
the happiest around.
It may not be the biggest,
it may not be that small,
but our customers are the friendliest,
God bless them one and all!

Dedicated to the thousands of friends I’ve made during the last 25 years.

From the film ‘Fields of Dreams’ 1989 (Universal Pictures) starring Kevin Costner:
Ray, people will come Ray. They’ll come to Iowa for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past…
…This field, this game: it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh… people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY!
2017 Season
From April 22^nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Holiday View!

Posted on April 20, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Mrs Bard and I were having a drink with a couple the other evening and the subject of holiday photos was discussed. They seemed to favour one from a few years ago when they stayed in a villa in the Tuscany Hills in Italy. They promised to e-mail it to me. When it arrived I was much impressed, but wondered if it had come from the brochure…

Marvin and Janet went to stay,
in a Tuscany villa for holiday.
Every evening glasses of wine,
a very good job the weather was fine!
Two chairs, a table, bottle and view,
does it look just like the brochure to you?
Two weeks of idyl, they’ve not returned,
this year’s a package, lessons learned?

Wherever you are in the world this morning, enjoy the view! – Cheers!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY!
2017 Season
From April 22^nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Farmers in Pyjamas!

Posted on April 19, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I was looking at a zebra (as one does on a Thursday near Baldock!) and wondering what it would be like to saddle it up and ride it through the town! It was early afternoon and the only drink that had passed my lips that day was soft…

Wouldn’t it be such fun,
to ride a zebra through the town,
passers-by would wonder why,
and look me up and down!

“Look at that horse in pyjamas”
They’d say to one and all,
“riding through town in a dressing gown?
doesn’t he look a fool!”

“Perhaps he is dreaming,
riding the dusty plains,
inspecting crops in worn flip-flops
hoping that it rains!”

“It’s probably a nightmare,
After a night of drink,
farmers in pyjamas?
What must his mother think?”

With apologies to those who are looking for sense on this Wednesday morning! Have a great day, take care and avoid zebras!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY!
2017 Season
From April 22^nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Author Archives: The Baldock Bard.

About The Baldock Bard.

The Gosling’s Mother!

Nature’s Confetti!

The Disappointment of Rain Gauges!

Mr Bunn’s Big Bag!

April Showers?

The Abandoned Frying Pan!

Silver Stairway to Relief!

They Will Come!

Holiday View!

Farmers in Pyjamas!