About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

Mrs Meerkat’s Monday!

Posted on April 3, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I came across Mrs Meerkat. She looked exhausted. So tired that she lay down on the path in front of her house and refused to move, not even when offered a cup of tea! Never being one to complain I didn’t expect to hear of all her troubles…

“My seventeen children,
have just left for school,
I normally cope,
I’m really quite cool.
But today is Monday,
there’s Ballet and Tap,
at least no football or rugby,
it’s Tuesdays for that!
The old man’s on business,
he’s gone for a week,
could have sworn I just saw him,
in the High Street!
There’s a huge pile of clothes,
I’ve got to iron,
I’m awaiting the plumber
a nice man called Brian!
But above all,
I’m not really fine,
I went to the cupboard,
I’ve run out of wine!”

Have a great week and don’t let your troubles (or your seventeen children) get you down!
Thanks to Mrs Meerkat for the photo (you can meet her and her family at Paradise Wildlife Park www.pwpark.com).

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22^nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Sunny Clod Crushing!

Posted on March 31, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s strange how a few hours can make such a difference to most things. The evening before last I had to pull out of rolling a field after the drill because great clods of clay were sticking to the rolls. Yesterday the sun came out and within a few hours the result was completely different and I was a ‘Happy Chappie!”…

Some days things go badly,
other days things go well.
Yesterday I was in rolling heaven,
the day before in rolling hell!
When the sun comes out in the afternoon,
and the top of the soil dries,
the rolls clank away merrily,
a perfect clod-crushing exercise!
Whatever you do in life,
some days work out just fine,
often your rolls clog in the morning,
after lunch bathe in perfect sunshine!

May the sun shine on you today, your rolls clank merrily and crush all those clods that inhibit your enjoyment of a Friday!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22^nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Different Fields!

Posted on March 30, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening I realised with alarm that the ground after the drill was wetter than I had considered. I had momentarily forgotten two basic rules of farming – ‘No two fields are the same’ and ‘Make mess at drilling time and it’ll still be there at harvest!’ I’d rolled two fields in perfect conditions and then reached the third that was much wetter…

Sometimes it’s time to go home,
and leave the operation ’till later,
the rolls were clogging up after drilling oats,
more lumps than an alligator!
The drill man looked in desperation,
raised his eyes to the sky,
one look and I knew what he was thinking,
“you’re making a mess of my job – OH WHY?”

If you’re passing my brown field outside Baldock, just look the other way and I’ll be very grateful!

The View from my Window!

Posted on March 29, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There is nothing quite like the view from a tractor cab when you’re doing a job like rolling. You sit there hour after hour going up and down the field putting the sort of stripes in the wheat crop that are normally associated with Wimbledon Tennis Club. However, after a while it can get rather tedious…

Rolling the wheat on West Field,
up and down I go,
boredom is setting in,
fed up with the radio!
My flask of tea is empty,
the water has gone too,
and all I’m left to occupy me,
is watch the passing view!
It’s then I suddenly realise,
how lucky can I be,
watching passing countryside,
Anyone want to swap with me?

Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing today, enjoy the view!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Riding With The Pig!

Posted on March 28, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are sometimes when you wish away the number of candles on your cake. I don’t suppose there is a pre-school child on earth who isn’t fixated by Peppa Pig. This pretty porker that they all wish was their bestie, has won them over so conclusively that even grown-ups are sometimes smitten…

Pepper Pig and brother George,
are even seen in Cheddar Gorge!
Everywhere in our midst,
they bring enjoyment to pre-school kids!
I discovered with glee and pride,
a solitary supermarket ride!
Inserted a pound in the slot,
my age and size I completely forget.
Security arrived in a huff,
“OK Granddad that’s enough,
Can’t you see you’re rather big,
to hitch a ride with Pepper Pig!”

(In my dreams!) Unfortunately I would have to be extracted by the local fire-brigade. However a big ‘Thank You’ to Peppa’s creators for their genius. Go Peppa!

Our Personal Museum Guide!

Posted on March 27, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

When visiting a tank museum recently we were lucky enough to be shown around by ‘someone who knows!’ While it was fascinating learning about the development and deployment of tanks down the ages, I found the highlight of the tour was learning what, where and most importantly how, this young man controls this leviathan. Then I realized it’s what you know is easy…

When looking around a museum,
the guide you must always thank,
because in his day job,
He might just drive a tank!
It’s a highly responsible job,
but if he’s pushed too far,
He might give chase at quite some pace,
in his Challenger ‘company car!’

Thanks to RL for showing us around.

The Brightest Daffodils

Posted on March 24, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Every year, just when it seems that the daffodils are gone for another year, the brightest, oldest and best appear on the farm. Like a ‘Last Hurrah’ these beautiful, tall, visions in yellow, stun us with their brilliance. This year they serve to remind us of the reassurance of continuity during difficult times…

Planted so many years ago,
in very much gentler times,
the daffodils that line our drive,
inspire us more than rhymes.
They’ve seen difficult times before,
up on this Chiltern ridge,
and give us reassurance,
after events on Westminster Bridge.

Let us remember PC Palmer,
who put his own safety aside,
and repeat his deed to our children,
as to why this brave man died.

Like the bright yellow daffodils,
that shine so brightly here today,
They remind us to make the most,
of every single day.

Thinking of all those who died, were injured or affected in any way by the attack. We remember in our thoughts (and prayers if you wish), the families left behind.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Tibetan Talking Terrier!

Posted on March 22, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Some time ago while leaving a local store I saw a small scruffy dog waiting for its human. What used to be a common sight of dogs awaiting their humans outside stores is quite rare now and so I had to record the moment. Little did I know that he was a very rare Tibetan Talking Terrier…

A little scruffy dog,
tied outside a store,
his human is inside,
waiting is a bore!

“I wonders what he’s buying,
some biscuits or some tea?
but there again I’m hoping,
it’s something just for me!”

“We live about a mile away,
don’t want to make a fuss,
my legs are only little,
I hope we take the bus!”

“My human’s here and carrying,
dog biscuits (and some Brie!),
I am overjoyed,
I knew he just loved me!”

Enjoy your day and remember to listen to your dog!

Oh Deer!

Posted on March 21, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I was flying my drone over a field of wheat to check on establishment when I came upon some grazing guests. They didn’t seem to take much notice of the buzzing machine above them but continued to munch on a tasty wheat lunch! It reminded me of a question asked by school children on a visit to the farm last year…

Some schoolchildren when visiting the farm,
asked a question without alarm:
“Mr Farmer?” when I was near,
“Can you tell who owns those deer?”
They thought that I was making fun,
when I told them “Not anyone!
they spend their days they always roam,
where they are they call their home!”
That explanation is complete,
except when they’re munching at my wheat!

…But I do love to see them, they are such graceful animals that it’s easy to forgive!

The Tea Bags!

Posted on March 20, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day Mrs Bard and I were at a wholesale warehouse. Having had some dealings with a catering firm in a previous life, I was used to seeing everyday items available in non-domestic quantities. However a large bag caught my eye and I was shocked…

How many tea bags,
do you buy in one go?
Do you ever consider,
when stale do you throw?

I was wandering about,
a wholesaler recently,
when I came across a bag,
of proportions beyond me!

I had to look again,
at the number there within,
eleven-hundred tea bags,
a tea-drinkers win win win!

Have a magnificent Monday and take time for a cuppa!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

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