About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

Spring Seed!

Posted on February 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

All our spring-sown seed is now in the barn ready for drilling. There is always a fair amount of luck involved when choosing varieties. Despite all the evidence from producer, seller, research establishments or agronomist, you never know just how a new variety will suit your soil. Both of our spring varieties we grew last year with reasonable results, so here we go again…

Spring is around the corner,
we know that it is near,
because we’ve had deliveries,
all the spring-sown seed is here.

Six tons of Canyon Spring Oats,
Eight tons of Vertigo Beans,
the oats will be for breakfast,
the beans will make proteins.

But first we need dry weather,
I once knew a man called Fred,
who said to me many years ago:
“Seed will never grow in the shed!”

Enjoy a great weekend wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Close Call!

Posted on February 16, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday on the way to take an ancient relative to the doctor, I came across two vehicles coming straight at me! Natrually I was a little concerned that their actions might just pose a threat to life – mine! When I returned home, while recounting the tale to my nearest and dearest, I remembered it was captured on the dashcam and it wasn’t just a bad dream…

Coming out of Baldock
towards the nearest junction,
I beheld a sight, that caused me fright,
almost caused a function!
A lorry coming at me,
I thought a crash was certain,
I thought “Sh*t, this is it!
maybe this is curtains!”
I was overreacting,
no morbid thoughts a-linger
as he drove past, still quite fast,
he gave me the finger!

If you’re driving, be careful, it’s a dangerous world out there!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Valentine Verse!

Posted on February 14, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Today is St Valentine’s Day. Millions of people around the world will buy flowers, chocolates and champagne in the hope of attracting love. Sometimes love needs a bit of help, especially if you are a purple dinosaur…

Pete the Purple Dinosaur,
Thought it most unfair,
That he had purple skin,
Wasn’t getting anywhere!
Every Friday,
Come wind or rain or hail,
He took the bus into town,
In love he’d always fail.

But today he’s been rewarded,
A card through his door at eight,
From Pam the Pink Plegasaurus,
Could they have a date?
She’s been looking at his profile,
She likes his manly chest,
When you’re a purple dinosaur,
Computer dating’s best!

Wishing you all a very Happy Valentines Day!

The Snowman!

Posted on February 13, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday my daughter and granddaughter made a snowman. There hadn’t been a great fall and so much energy was expounded in rolling two great snowballs for a great distance around the garden. However by midday the head had fallen off and the fine gentleman was on the way to becoming a mere memory.

The 12th of February is a date that evokes sad memories for our family. It was on this day, just before midnight, that we had that dreaded knock on the door and a policeman bearing the news that our son, David, had been killed in a car crash at the age of just 22.

I suspect there are some lucky people, who haven’t experienced this situation, who may consider that after 14 years we should ‘be over it by now’ as don’t they say ‘time is a great healer‘? Well I guess that in my case time doesn’t heal, it just makes the memories harder to recall and the ‘what may have been’ all the more difficult to comprehend. It also makes you realise that there are things in life that are more precious than money or material possessions.

Every time I see in the media that a youngster has lost his/her life in a car my thoughts are for the family who are about to embark on one of the hardest journeys they’ll ever face. They will miss the opportunity to say a final few words and this will haunt them for years. However if, like us, they had said the simple words ‘Love You‘ at the end of every phone call or parting, then they would know that their last words to their child were special.

Like the snowman, it is up to us to enjoy the life we have and be thankful for every day, because we never know when the thaw might come!

With love and best wishes to you all.
Love You David
BB
© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Oats Away!

Posted on February 10, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The last of the harvest of 2016 has left the farm. The final 12 tons of oats that had been swept up and loaded onto our trailer, left on a lorry yesterday lunchtime. To ease loading time they were tipped from the trailer into the pit, up the elevator, out of the spout and into the lorry, quicker than sweeping while the lorry waited…

Sitting in the shed,
for a week or more,
a trailer-load of oats,
swept up from the floor
Mick from L&H,
rang to see if I,
was available to load them,
I soon said “Oh yes, aye!”
I tipped the golden oats,
into the pit to load,
and within a lunchtime hour,
they were going down the road!
I’m not sure where they’re going,
in whose packaging they’ll be,
maybe you’ll see our oats for breakfast,
or have oaty oatcakes for your tea!

With thanks once again to Mick and all the drivers at L&H Haulage and all at Fengrain (the grain cooperative that markets all our grain), for their continued patience and support during difficult times. BB

The Luckiest Hare

Posted on February 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve always been fond of hares, they are such gently lolliping creatures. Ever since I avidly awaited the weekly comic ‘Harold Hare’ as a five-year-old, they have been my favorite wild animal. Up to this year we even had thirty acres of grass especially put aside for them to make a habitat. The other evening, by braking heavily, I just managed to avoid killing one on the road…

The luckiest hare in Hertfordshire,
had a nasty surprise,
he stepped off the roadside verge,
and couldn’t believe his eyes!
Bearing down upon him,
on my way back from the shops,
I only just avoided him,
his luck never stops!
He raced across the road,
towards the closed boot sale site,
he’s got an appointment at the opticians,
to check his poor eyesight

Unfortunately we are also plagued in this area with illegal hare coursers who seem hell-bent on wiping these gentle creatures out in the name of ‘sport and gambling’.

The Wonder of Drones!

Posted on February 8, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Hardly a day goes by at the moment when the ‘Wonder of Drones’ isn’t trumpeted by the media. Whether it is delivering relief supplies after a disaster, crop spraying difficult to reach areas of fields or even acting as a personal transport system, the drone is heralded as the answer of the future. As a result I have given my UAV a talking to as it didn’t seem to be pulling its weight…

I sat my drone down for a chat,
“Now listen here I said,”
it’s time that you pulled your weight,
and earned your daily bread!”

So I gave it just a small list to do,
“Go overfly that crop,”
and a few things that I wanted,
from the local convenience shop!

“Then there’s this parcel,
I need to post today,
call in on Aunty Mabel,
and check that she’s OK!”

Later I couldn’t find my drone,
wasn’t hidden in the trees,
but sulking at the take-off point,
I’d forgotten to say please!

Needless to say my trusty drone obeys my every command and is my right-hand-mavic on the farm!

Making A New Friend!

Posted on February 7, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday we had a family day out to celebrate daughter Siân’s birthday. Her daughter, Marsya decided we were to see dinosaurs, along with Monkey her constant companion. As everybody knows, the best place to do that is in the Natural History Museum in London. We came away with something we didn’t expect…

In a traffic jam in Knightsbridge,
Marsya’s Monkey let out a scream:
“There’s a dinosaur in the back seat,
the most frightening that I’ve seen!
What will we do if it starts to roar?
I’m off to hide upon the floor!”

By the time we were out of London,
Marsya’s Monkey had calmed down,
“What do you mean it’s pretend like me?”
he said with a quizzical frown.
Now this morning they are best friends,
(they come from the same gene pool,)
and in a Tesco bag for life…
…they’re both off to nursery school!

Have a great day and make a new friend out there (or just get in touch with an old one!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Birthday Story!

Posted on February 6, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

All of us who are lucky enough to have children, have a ‘birthday story’. Here is one of ours!
6th February 1984
The previous evening Mrs Bard filled a small suitcase while I filled the snowplough with diesel and put out my thermal clothes! Early the following morning, contractions announced the start of labour while a torch showed no snow! So we piled into our small green Talbot hatch-back and set out for the maternity unit in Hitchin. We saw not a living soul on the journey except for a small black rabbit on the outskirts of Letchworth, who seemed to give us the finger for disturbing its early morning routine.
Once at the maternity unit (now Waitrose!) we were quickly shown into the delivery room. Within five minutes I was on the floor! When I came round I had three nurses undressing me and Mrs Bard was complaining “leave him on the floor, I’m having a baby!”
All went well and our little girl came into the world.
Later I fetched her big brother, David, to meet his sister and the obligatory photo was taken, although in the days before selfies, not everyone was in the picture.
Yesterday, 33 years later, I found the faded photograph and remembered the story of how Sian came into this world. What strikes me is the look of wonder on David’s face, he was a very proud brother.
I was an emotional and proud father then, nothing has changed (apart from promising Mrs Bard I’d never wear thermals again, time has seen me forgiven for being a total prat!).
Happy birthday Sian, I’m so proud of you, with all my love.

Baldock Bard

Man Flu!

Posted on February 3, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Speaking as a man, I have to admit to being a total wimp where illness is concerned. Last night, like a fog descending, I suddenly started to sneeze and my bones ached. I knew the symptoms well, I was in for a nasty bout of the dreaded Man Flu…

I’ve got a cold,
it’s really bad,
I think it could be Man Flu.
So I suggest,
keep away from the screen,
unless you want it too!

Sadly this morning,
symptoms have gone away,
so instead of bed,
it’s work instead
normal for a Friday!

Have a great Friday and enjoy your weekend to the full!