Author Archives: The Baldock Bard.

About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

Not As It Seems!

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pressIt is strange how things look different from the air. The other evening at dusk I sent the drone up over a field where Robin was pressing some ploughing with the John Deere rubber-tracked crawler tractor. My ploughing looked less than impressive…

Robin’s pressing my recent plough,
doesn’t look so good now,
when I was ploughing it looked fine,
now I’m embarrassed to say it’s mine!
In fact I’d say it makes me wince,
looks like he’s pressing a tray of grey mince!

…if you should spot me doing a dance,
I’m hoping for rain to come up from France,
if you have influence please can you say,
I’d please like some rain, but not Saturday!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Desperate Times!

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img_0490There are times when you should be busy, but because of circumstances you find yourself kicking your heels. This month has been most frustrating, much to do but plagued by major tractor breakdowns. Desperate times may call for desperate measures…

The tractor sits wheel-less in the corner,
the plough lies abandoned in the yard,
after a week the field remains unvisited,
inaction when there’s work to do is hard.

The awaited parts are on back-order,
in a month they may be on the farm,
I’ll have to fetch Dolly from the stable,
a horse-drawn plough and really chance my arm!

With thanks to all those who are trying their best to make things happen on the parts front.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Don’t Analyse, Just Enjoy!

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sept-eveIt’s wonderful weather. Autumn is knocking on the door and the temperatures are still summer-like. We are told has been a record season for holidays at home, the weather has slightly helped…

The farmer in me,
is crying out for rain.
But I’m enjoying the warmth,
just like Summer again!

It is so ironic,
that now we stand alone,
this British early autumn,
better weather found at home!

Don’t Analyse…Just Enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Staying Lucky!

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img_0490Many years ago there was a seller at our weekly Saturday car boot sales that everyone called ‘Lucky’. Needless to say if something could go wrong, it would go wrong for poor old Lucky. He bought a consignment of lighters, a real bargain, until one very hot day they ignited and burnt his van to the ground. If Orange was the ‘in’colour, Lucky would have invested in red! This fortnight I’ve felt a bit like Lucky. Last week the differential on the front axle of my tractor broke. This week the rear axle tried to divorce the rest of the machine and do the off, leading to very expensive repair #2. However every cloud has a silver lining and my lucky moment was when the tractor collapsed in the yard and not in the field…

If you knew luck,
like I do at the moment,
you’d put life on hold,
call for a postponement!

The poor old tractor,
jacked up in the barn,
this time it’s the rear,
that is cause for alarm.

It’s only a machine,
and nobody got hurt,
I’ll soon be back,
ploughing up the dirt!

You needn’t look far,
to find someone who’s in pain,
and so I think I’m lucky,
…at least it didn’t rain!

Have a good day and STAY LUCKY!
Yet again Oliver Landpower from Luton were on the scene and dealing with the problem in record time. If they continue to offer such great service I may just have to call them the farm’s 4th Emergency service!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Patient Terrier!

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terrierOur terrier is on a mission. She rushes around the house and then spends hours inspecting the skirting boards with the intensity of a hungry hound watching a tin of dog food being opened. We have tried everything except for counseling, perhaps it’s time…

Is there a rat in the kitchen?
or could it be a mouse?
our dog is going crazy,
rushing around the house!
It sits gazing at walls for hours,
playing a waiting game,
I wish it would catch just one,
perhaps that’s not her aim?

We were so concerned,
we took her to the vet,
“This terrier is normal,
no remedy discovered yet!”

In the Baldock Bard tomorrow: The cat that sings out of tune!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Age-Related Lubrication!

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lubricateYesterday was again spent on the tractor, ploughing. Burial Ground was particularly bumpy. This morning I ache all over, I can’t understand it. However in the workshop I came across a possible remedy…

My joints creak,
my muscles ache,
from sitting on the tractor.
I really think,
I must concede,
Age – the damning factor!

In the workshop,
I discovered,
a can of lubrication!
A quick squirt,
on every joint,
could be age-related salvation!

Now off to shovel some wheat and see if a squirt will help!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Talk Like a Pirate Day!

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pirateToday is not only my 1,350th posting, but also “International Talk Like a Pirate Day”. Both could be described as a silly nonsensical things designed to be just fun! All around the world today, ordinary folk will be using those phrases we know and love. Some will be dressing up for the occasion and some will simply be letting loose the odd ‘Aaaaaaaarrrrrh’ to surprised customers, commuters or colleagues. Enjoy…

“Shiver Me Timbers!”
we all say,
today is Talk
Like a Pirate Day!

Whether at work,
or at the bar,
it’s always satisfying,
to let out a big “Aaaaaarh!”

So go on I dare you,
or the plank it’ll be,
talk like a pirate,
see what fun it can be!

*In todays picture I’m modeling a 1966 T shirt from the Pirate Radio Station ‘Big L’ otherwise known as Radio London, which broadcast from the MV Galaxy off the Essex Coast from 1964-1967.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Mechanical Twins!

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twinsHurrah! The tractor that was broken is now mended and after a road test, has been declared ‘fit to plough!’ The two mechanics sent from Oliver Landpower, the local JCB dealership, waved their magic spanners and repaired the differential in the front axle quicker than scheduled…

Jonny and Jonny are mechanical twins,
exceptionally good at mending things!
When tractors on a farm break down,
they’re the mechanics you want around.
The JCB is fully functional now,
ready to return to the field with the plough,
The two must have had exceptional training,
they waved a spanner
…and it stopped raining!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Poorly Tractor!

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Readers who read my last posting will remember that when I left you there was something wrong with the JCB Fastrac tractor. A horrible clonking sound was coming from the front axle and ploughing had to be postponed while we awaited the mechanics…

The JCB Fastrac was ploughing,
day-dreaming as JCB’s do,
about a digger called Doug,
and a dumper-truck from Peru!

She was driving across the Savannah,
frolicking in the long grass,
when all of a sudden a pain,
in an instant her daydream was past!

The mechanics who last gave her a service,
looked on with horror at her gear,
pronounced with concern “differential”
“This looks serious we fear!”

She sits in the shed abandoned,
weeping silent tears on the floor,
parts are due from the factory,
so she can frolic wth the plough once more!

With grateful thanks to the skilled ‘Tractor-Doctors’ from Oliver Landpower at Luton, without whose skill I would be left scratching my head with confusion!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Breakdown Day!

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plough-wheelYesterday I had a puncture in the plough. Sensing that the words ‘plough’ and ‘puncture’ are hardly ever used in the same sentence, I thought this was a unique opportunity for a verse. So while I was sitting at the tyre depot awaiting a new tyre I set about writing this…

The old men on the farm
Would have seen the joke
In this technological world
this farmer’s plough wheel’s broke!

“You say your cab is hot
Yet you have air conditioning?
We walked behind a horse
If it farted we changed positioning!”

“A puncture in the plough?
On the adjustable-depth wheel?
No problem in our day
As ours was made of steel”

“So many things have changed
Your world we cannot understand
But one thing we have in common 
You can always expect the unplanned!”

Later yesterday evening there was a sudden clonking noise from the tractor front axle. It sounded very expensive as I drove very carefully back to the farm. I await the engineers! It would seem that breakdowns only occur when you are busy, nothing ever broke while parked doing nothing in the shed during the winter!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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