About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

What When and How!

Posted on July 12, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Today we have our annual inspection. Passing this examination leads to stickers which are attached to a passport which accompanies every load of grain and pulses that leaves the farm. This assures the end user that we have taken all legislative and ‘best-practice’ steps to safeguard the quality and provenance of that crop, from planting to harvest and every operation in-between. Such an undertaking requires gold-star record-keeping of every operation…

What, When and How,
important words today,
we have our annual inspection,
fail it and we’ll pay.
It’s all about traceability,
to show you’re not a fraud,
alas it doesn’t apply,
to foodstuffs from abroad!

Mrs Bard has been busy,
with my paper-work,
it’s now all in one file,
(I drive her quite beserk!)
They’ll inspect all my records,
the barns and chemical store,
and thanks to Mrs Bard’s patience,
it’ll be alright I’m sure!

Whatever you are doing today may it be successful and may you too get stickers!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Perfect Plant Carrier!

Posted on July 9, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

I always like to see people leaving our Saturday car boot sale having had a successful morning. People often ask me: “What sells?” I have to answer truthfully: “Anything that somebody else wants!”. Last week I saw a couple leaving having had a successful buy…

Bob and Jill went looking for plants,
(they’re just back from holiday in France!)
Went along to the Baldock Boot Sale,
hoping that their search wouldn’t fail!
“I like these ones!” said an excited Jill,
“but our small car will overfill”,
“Don’t worry!” said Bob (sounding all aloof!),
“You forget we have a folding roof!”

Have a great weekend filled with laughter, sunshine and friends!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Blackgrass Kills Crop

Posted on July 7, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Blackgrass threatens and outgrows wheat

When things go wrong with a crop they are generally highly visible. My father would approach June with a nervousness normally associated with dentistry, just in case Essex farmers, passing on the road to a major show or event, might just spot weeds on his fields! This year, as a result of much rain at key times rendering highly expensive chemicals useless, my wheat is full of a highly-invasive grass weed called ‘Blackgrass’. One field has so much that this morning we are going to spray off and kill the crop, far too early to harvest, in order to attempt to halt the weed’s annual progress…

Watch out Blackgrass here we come,
the Sherriff’s after you with his ‘gun!’
You killed my wheat, stole my yield,
now I’ve got you surrounded in my field.

We’ve driven the crop in the tractor,
made the decision – a harrowing factor.
Despite the loss, not one to be crowed,
At least it can’t be seen from the road!

Sometimes in farming you have to stand up to nature’s bullies.

The Yellow TR6!

Posted on July 6, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

It is strange how certain objects can resurrect memories that you thought were lost for good. Yesterday I saw a Triumph TR6 sports car parked next to a museum. It took me right back to a journey down the Cromwell Road in London, when my cousin gave me a lift to the now-forgotten West London Air Terminal where you could check in for a BEA (British European Airways) flight…

I seem to remember we were short of time,
I was Scotland-bound by air for the very first time.
My cousin Bruce, then in his early twenties,
Drove me down the Cromwell Road – acceleration plenty’s!
The roar of the exhaust I remember so well,
speeding down the road going like hell!
In those days speed was an exciting factor,
All I had driven was an ancient rusty tractor!
So this glamorous yellow sports car was an instant hit,
Forty-seven years later I still remember it!

I always promised myself such a car, never had one though and I doubt I ever will. The sixty-year-old me now looks for comfort, safety and reliability! Looking back it was probably my only experience of the glamorous Swinging Sixties!

The Farmhouse Kettle!

Posted on July 5, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

All visits to the farm whether by agronomist, accountant, neighbour or first-time visitor always seems to end up in the farmhouse kitchen. Much is discussed, both on and off original topic! The most important implement on the farm is used time and time again…

The old kitchen kettle,
sits boiling on the range,
“Fancy tea or coffee?”
The question doesn’t change!
Around the farmhouse table,
a meeting then ensues,
Perhaps discussing crops,
or woodworm in church pews!
“What weather we’ve been having,
have you seen this week’s forecast?
All the weeds in the crops,
are growing mighty fast!”
Perhaps some farming gossip,
“…didn’t know he had a brother!”
The following question,
“Would you like another!”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Home and Away!

Posted on July 2, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Last night a Welsh football team beat the second-ranking team in the world to reach the semi-finals of Euro 16. Did I really just write those words? I’d better just check the Internet to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I’m sure it wasn’t Wales on the billboard I saw the other evening…

Lidl, bless them, are on their own,
the team they supported have gone home,
they came across some Icelandic men,
surrendered the ball and went home again!

But Lo! What’s this? Coming from the West?
Little old Wales in their red vest!
In their way their opponents fall,
strange, it seems the wrong shaped ball?

Now they’re in the semi finals,
there’ll be sore heads in Cardiff urinals!
Back in England football’s millionaires,
watch Wales progress with envious stares!

What is missing on an England shirt,
is pride, resolve and hard work,
Great self-belief seldom fails,
so-poor England, Fantastic Wales!

Have a great weekend, wherever you are, but especially if you are from what they call ‘God’s country beyond England’. Enjoy your moment, you’ve so deserved it!
Beth yw football yn Saesneg?

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above Facebook: Baldock Bard

Twitter: @baldockbard

E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk  The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD

is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!

Every Saturday April – October 2016 With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

www.u-boot.co.uk

New Month New Weather!

Posted on July 1, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

So July is finally here! Not really sure whether we’ve just had June or October! It must have been one of the wettest Junes on record, I certainly can’t remember such a long spell of such disappointing weather for many years. July can’t possibly be as bad…

Pinch, Punch, the first of the month!
No returns, rabbits and hares.
We’ve had enough rain to last us now,
soaking circuses, sodden fairs!
If the latest forecast shows only showers,
and there’s no sign of rain or hail,
grab the kids jump in the car,
and visit Baldock’s car boot sale!

I know you were expecting something better for my 1,300th blog, but sometimes life is like that! Have a great day, the weekend is just around the corner!

BONUS VERSE! 1,300 blogs away I wrote:
Mary had an electric bill,
couldn’t believe her eyes!
Took a pitch at our bootsale,
now her house seems twice the size!

Still one of my favourites!
Best wishes and an enormous ‘thank you’ to all my readers.
Without you there I wouldn’t be here!
Baldock Bard!

Life is Like a Biscuit Tin!

Posted on June 30, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Isn’t life remarkable? Some days your confidence is so great that you feel you could lift the heaviest weights in the gym before breakfast using just your little finger. Other days your confidence is so low, it’s all you can do to pick up a coffee mug! Today marks my 1,299th published blog! It’s all down to biscuits in the tin…

Life is like a biscuit tin,
you only get out what you put in.
If you arrive and there’s nothing there,
it just shows that life’s not fair.
If the Bourbons have been eaten,
accept you’re late you have been beaten.
The plainest biscuits left behind,
are often reliable, solid and kind.
If often disappointment you have shown,
you know what? Buy your own!

Have a great day and enjoy those biscuits! Somewhere a farmer is glad you do!

Lost in France!

Posted on June 29, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

I went into a bookshop yesterday and was shocked rigid. The retailer, possibly prompted by the referendum and the England football team’s defeat to mighty Iceland, had taken a bold step in road atlas retailing…

The road to France is falling apart,
the Tunnel will be kept as a work of art!
Days of motoring abroad on vacation,
will be like visiting a far-off nation.
The French road atlas will soon be history,
no more complicated directions that become a mystery.
“Where’s the map?” a shout of the past,
the wrong direction getting there fast!
No muttered insults from a Parisian waiter,
cheap red wine to throw up later!
Visiting a street market can be such fun,
the brie cooking gently in the midday sun!
Stretched out on a beach in a post-lunch stupor
Sunburnt flesh you’re a Tourist Trooper!
But what is this? I wake up from my dream,
nothing’s changed or so it may seem.
The only difference that I can see,
we’ll be able to stock up DUTY FREE!

To all those heading off on holiday, Bonnes Vacancies and enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2016

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Remembering Mars!

Posted on June 28, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

How do you feel and what do you remember when you miss somebody who is no longer around? Four years ago today, our great friend Marsya left us. She left behind a stern wave of such proportions that it is still swirling around the feet of her many friends. I miss her for many reasons, one being her liberal use of the English language in all its varied forms. As a result this morning I have already sworn with a couple of friends and I intend to do so in her memory with many more before the day is out…

Marsya used to swear,
enjoyed to turn air blue,
Anglo-Saxon vernaculars
in front of me and you!
But now she is silent,
but we will not forget,
how she touched our lives,
using the alphabet.
So swear along with me,
just for her today,
“That one’s for Marsya!”
you’ll explain yourself away!

Mars, you’re not forgotten, we were all so lucky to have you as a friend, Nos Da.