Author Archives: The Baldock Bard.

About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

Bank Holiday Leftovers!

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SaladMy mother always did the washing on a Monday. Without fail the washing line would be full    by nine-o-clock at the latest and the ancient hoover would be roaring it’s way around the house. This morning my memory has failed me as I can’t recall what happened on a Bank Holiday…

This Tuesday doesn’t feel like Tuesday,
you could call it Monday-lite,
it doesn’t feel like the start of the week,
something’s just not right.
Perhaps the only answer,
go back and start again,
then it may go back to normal,
and start to pour with rain!

Apologies for the ultra-low verse rating this morning but my mind is stuck in Bank Holiday mode and I can’t find the jump-leads!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Balduck from Baldock!

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IMG_6532Three years ago ‘Balduck from Baldock’ came to live on the farm following a bad few days in the life of a duck.
One Wednesday, he was flying along, thinking what a lovely day he was having, when a misjudgement of height led to him being hit by a car on a dual carriageway. The driver knew by the sudden cloud of feathers that she’d hit a bird and sadly assumed the worst. For the rest of the week she travelled up and down the motorway to and from work.
At the weekend she went to retrieve her car from the garage and noticed bird poo underneath the front. Investigating closer she noticed a pair of duck eyes looking out at her from behind the grill! She called the vet, once again fearing the worst. The vet called in the services of a friendly mechanic, who removed the front of the car. A bemused mallard duck was carefully removed and put on bed rest for a week.
The following week Balduck from Baldock, as he’d been christened, was released into the wild on our farm, to run with our tame ducks, where he’s lived ever since.
The above photo was taken yesterday when he came into the farmyard for his lunch! He has outlasted all our other ducks who have made meals for a local fox.

Balduck from Baldock is a very lucky duck!

You never know what is to come after a bad day! May all your troubles be small and surmountable.
Have a great Bank Holiday Weekend.
Baldock Bard.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Uncomplaining Mother!

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MotherI was mowing the lawn yesterday evening when I happened to see some slight movement under the lavender. On closer inspection it was a lonely uncomplaining hen pheasant sitting on a nest. She was perfectly camouflaged to protect both her and her eggs…

Sitting on her nest,
the mother doesn’t flinch,
when the noisy mower passes,
doesn’t budge an inch.

Where is her husband?
Nowhere to be seen,
probably in an armchair,
staring at a screen!

By the time the eggs are hatched,
she’ll be ready for some dinner,
as bringing up her children,
has left her very much thinner.

To mother’s everywhere in appreciation of what you go through for your young.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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VIP Flypast!

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Stop!Yesterday I went to London to scoop an elderly relative off the train at Paddington Station. Just before the Lord’s Cricket Ground there was a commotion behind us, police outriders stopped the traffic, blew whistles and held back vehicles and pedestrians as four unmarked cars, with blacked-out windows, swept past at speed…

Police stop all the traffic,
VIP coming through,
must be so important,
not for me or you!

The police motorcycle outriders,
swarm at the traffic lights,
whistle and shout, “you can’t come out!”
suspended ‘ooman rights!

I wonder who’s so important,
to be rushed through in this way
I’m glad it’s not me needs security,
I’ll quietly be on my way!

I wish you happy travelling without hold-ups (especially today, Roger and Joanna flying back to Hobart). Safe journey to you all, even if you’re just walking down to the shops! 

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Four Horsemen!

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IMG_6287It is strange how one person’s antique is another persons bin-fodder. I noticed an extremely unusual bronze decorative item on a stall last Saturday, picked it up, took a photo and quickly replaced it on the stall…

The Four Horsemen of the Bootsale,
didn’t do anything for me,
I just took a photo,
then gave then back you see!
But someone had spotted me,
thought I knew their worth,
made a splash with a handful of cash,
and dashed off wracked with mirth!
The stall holder was delighted,
with this unexpected sale,
“Could I please repeat again
as my tactics seem not to fail!”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale

SG7 6RD

is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!

Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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My Bargain Hunt!

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Bargain HuntDo you ever pretend you’re in a TV show when you’re going about your daily life? Perhaps when you drive to work you pretend you’re the subject of one of those numerous fly-on-the-wall police shows or Top Gear? I prefer something more sedate when walking around the car boot sale or in an antiques shop…

I don’t have long to make my selection,
for my very own ‘Bargain Hunt’,
I reject the well-worn teddy bear,
when you press it there’s a grunt!
Quite a nice antique vase,
has a certain ‘je-ne-sais-quoi!’
but I think it’s over-priced,
would probably drop it on the way to the car!
So many items have caught my eye,
(most of them don’t even rhyme!),
so I go to the pub for a pint,
leaving my Bargain Hunt ’till another time!

Of course the most bargains are to be found on a Saturday at the Baldock Car Boot Sale (see below!)

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Nature’s Bridesmaids Dress

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IMG_6204We have a wonderful Flowering Cherry in the back yard. Despite being out of view of most visitors to the farm, it is the most wonderful example of this tree that we have. There is also a fine example in our local churchyard, however despite being perfect for weddings, it’s finery is over very quickly…

The Flowering Cherry wears a bridesmaids dress,
as if at a wedding,
doesn’t wear it very long,
as soon it will be shedding,

Once it lies upon the floor,
confetti covered ground,
be forgotten for anther year,
like the dress it’s cupboard-bound!
Blossom 2If you’re off to a wedding this weekend, have a wonderful time!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Take a Moment…

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IMG_6160Have you ever taken a moment to wonder ‘what did I think at that moment?’ An attempt to remember your thoughts at an important moment in your life? Thirty-seven years ago on the 19th of May, I got married in a small chapel in the little village of Pembrey, South Wales. The picture above shows me with semi-wet hair at the moment we said ‘I Do’.
All our lives are truly unique. We all have sunny days but when the storm hits the only option is to cling together and wait patiently for the sun that always follows rain.
There only one preparation for a life like this: Choose your partner well, choose your best friend.
After all these years I can look back at this photo and know what I was thinking: “I’m so lucky she’s just said ‘yes!'”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Busy Shop!

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Busy ShopYesterday afternoon Mrs Bard saw a giant construction kit in a store. Priced at only £20, it seemed to be the perfect imagination-fostering toy for our three-and-a-half year old granddaughter. By teatime they had made a shop which my granddaughter named her ‘Busy’ shop…

In our kitchen is a ‘busy’ shop,
there are things to buy,
we’re already looking,
for the remote controller for Sky!
There are assorted items,
for sale to my wife and me,
let’s just hope I have loose change,
or there’ll be no coffee!

If you have children, hide this from them as I don’t want to be blamed for lost car keys, pets or food! Have a great day and enjoy imagination (even at your desk, why not sell a colleague something of theirs!).

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bill and the Pill!

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BillHave you ever tried to medicate a cat with a pill? It would be easier to give a hungry tiger a morsel of meat by hand while jumping up and down on a Pogo Stick! It is one operation in life that has no recipe for success…

We had a cat,
his name was Bill.
always refused,
to take a pill.
We’d wrap it up,
in delicious meat,
he’d turn up his nose,
refuse to eat!
We’d go gently,
not scream and shout,
he’d look at us,
and spit it out!
The little devil,
sensing something fishy,
went and hid,
on the Mitsubishi!
In the end,
(between you and me),
we claimed success,
with Dairylea!

If you have to medicate a cat today, good luck and keep those bandages within arms reach (for you, not the cat!)

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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