About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

Bertie and the Waves!

Posted on April 6, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I watched a couple taking their black Labrador for a walk on the beach. As they walked, the man threw a ball into the waves for an enthusiastic dog to fetch. The dog’s enthusiasm didn’t seem to wane as (rather alarmingly I thought), the man threw the ball further and further into the sea…

Peter, Jane and Labrador Bertie
arrived at the beach at around twelve-thirty!
Bertie leapt in and out of the sea,
“Will someone please throw the ball for me?”
Peter threw the ball into the waves,
Bertie satisfied with the reward he craves!
In and out of the sea for the length of the beach,
throw, fetch, throw fetch, until out of reach!
Back in the car park by one-thirty,
Peter, Jane and one wet smelly Bertie!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns Next Saturday
April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

From The Barn Roof (to the sea!)

Posted on April 4, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I cleared a gutter on a barn. Later I watched water making a mini waterfall where a tree root crossed a ditch on the far end of the farm. From there on the ditch becomes a tributary for the River Beane. It set me thinking…

From the gutter to the downpipe,
from the downpipe to the drain,
from the drain to the ditch,
Flowing gently after rain.

From the ditch to the river,
from the river to the sea,
from the sea to the ocean,
That’s how it’s meant to be!

May life flow smoothly for you this week

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns Next Saturday
April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Bird-Scaring Drone!

Posted on April 1, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Since recently sowing acres of beans and oats, I have a problem. As a farmer it’s not my intention to provide a free takeaway to the varied bird population of North Hertfordshire. There are traditional methods of bird scaring from the small child with wooden spoon and saucepan, right up to today’s high-tech banger with gun and siren. However, thanks to a farmer up-north I can add drone or UAV…

The ‘effin pigeons sit and laugh,
when I get out my gun,
“You couldn’t hit an ‘effin barn door!”
as they munch my crops in the sun.
But then the dastardly farmer,
in defeat has gone back home,
and suddenly they’re very afraid,
rape alarms on the feet of his drone!
“Oh good heavens what is that?
the noise goes through my head!”
with a cough they all fly off,
to my neighbours crops instead!

With best wishes for April Fools Day and apologies to all my farming neighbours! Coincidently this also happens to be my 1,234th posting!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns Next Saturday
April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

When Cars Go Wrong!

Posted on March 31, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

It is frustrating when you have car trouble. Your pride and joy goes off to the garage for the same length of time and similar price to a long cruise and returns without a tan! My farm car broke down some time ago and had to suffer the indignity of a recovery truck. Since then she has been languishing in a shed with frequent caring visits from John, the mechanic…

My poor old Mitsubishi,
poorly for the last two months,
is now back on her feet again,
was her head or could be bumps!
She was to have her head skimmed,
another thou skimmed off,
or possibly a potion,
to help her shift her cough!
But in the end a new head,
with valves and tappets too,
I wish I could have a refit myself,
and return to twenty-two!

Many thanks to John for his skill and patience, also to all the well-wishers who sent flowers, cordial and grapes, she has made a full recovery and is back on the road.
© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Bill and the Daffodils!

Posted on March 30, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

This year the Daffodils are flowering for what seems longer and longer. Having seen them first before Christmas in a shaded corner of the garden, they are still in bloom with some buds to come. That is apart from what used to be a large plot of them about forty-plus years ago. My mother was a most meticulous gardner and wouldn’t let the mower anywhere near the daffodils until they were completely over and then some…

Old Bill was sent to mow the grass,
a job he liked in many years past,
on the old tractor with the 6ft mower,
when driving that he was a goer!
Mowed the grass at the front of the farm,
Straight through the Daffodils no sense of alarm,
my mother told him straight, “they won’t come,
just think of future damage you’ve done.”
Bill with a shrug and shake of his head,
“they’ll be alright they won’t be dead!”
But to this day a patch isn’t right,
become known as Bill’s mowing sight!

Just to show the difference I’ve added a view from a plot next door! Both my mother and Bill have been dead for many years now, so I guess the difference is simply a memorial to poor communication!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Kite and the Drone!

Posted on March 29, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I was circling the farm with my drone and paying more attention to the screen and the crops than to my surroundings. When I replayed the footage later I noticed that a friend had joined the drone and had been swooping around it! Having seen footage on the Internet of drones being attacked, I counted my blessings that this was not an eagle…

Swooping gracefully around the skies,
the kite came across a strange bird!
Whereas the kite graceful flight sustained,
a buzzing of rotors could be heard!
The kite took a circle (or two) round this ‘thing’,
as it buzzed around (but not soared),
and with a measured slow flap of its wings,
flew away (in a short time) – just bored!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Farmer Jack

Posted on March 28, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

In the real world, if something breaks on your bike/car/lorry/bus/train, you contact an expert who effects a repair. On the farm you drag out the welder and pray the repair holds until the job is done. You are a Jack (of all trades) and given a good dose of luck your bodge-job will hold for its intended duration…

Easter Saturday dawns and all is well,
you’re off to drill oats for porridge to sell.
Checking around the machine a marker’s broken,
rain is forecast don’t want a soakin’.
Out with the welder on with the hood,
“hope this holds must weld it good,”
at last it’s mended you sigh ‘phew!’
“Look at that skill it’s good as new!”
Out in the field the marker strains,
finished the field and then it rains!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Spring Oats on Easter Saturday!

Posted on March 26, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

There is an old country saying “A peck of March dust is worth a king’s ransom.” After dust in the early part of the week, some rain on Thursday night and extended sunshine on Good Friday, I’m hoping for perfect conditions when we sow oats this morning. Wish me luck, I’m going in…

Last week the dust rose
above the cultivator,
Nothing like March dust
as a motivator!
It gives you hope
that oats can be drilled,
So your spring sowing
can be fulfilled!
On Easter Saturday
we’ll be out in the field,
hopefully perfect conditions
for the oat yield.
The traffic will pass and children
may shout “thrilling!
There’s the Baldock Bard
finishing his drilling!”

Wishing you all a very Happy Easter.
Wherever you are, whoever you’re with, may your world have peace (or if you’re field is wet, dust!).

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

Stuck in the Mud!

Posted on March 24, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

There are times in life when you sink in the mud and need someone else to pull you out. A couple of days ago some people got hold of this humble little website, attacked it, robbed it and left it lying on the side of the road. Ok, in my usual way I’m guilding the lily. I was the victim of a particularly nasty cyber attack. I just hope I haven’t made any enemies out there when ‘I’ (or someone pretending to be me), sent spam e-mails splashing into cyberspace…

The wheels are spinning,
there’s mud everywhere,
I feel I’m sinking,
I start to despair.
Two days later,
I think in disgrace,
I realise the damage is,
in cyberspace!
So if you’ve had an e-mail,
and angry you be,
I’m sorry and humble,
please forgive me!

With best wishes for a fantastic Easter. I know it’s too much to expect peace in the world, but I wish you peace in your world instead.
You may have missed my last posting: When Beans Run Short, you can find it here, http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=8092
Best wishes
Baldock Bard

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

When Beans Run Short!

Posted on March 24, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

When you are drilling a crop there is always the chance of disaster in one or more ways. Running out of seed is possibly the most frustrating, especially when dry weather is not guaranteed. No seed left, on a Saturday, in March, is possibly the most alarming of circumstances. However sometimes luck just runs with you…

Saturday we went drilling,
I’d be lying if I said it was thrilling,
driving up and down,
putting beans in the ground,
from bags often we’d be filling.

However things went awry,
not the weather, that was so dry,
But for more bean seed,
there was a real need,
finally the drill just ran dry!

I texted the agronomist Monday morning,
“Things have gone well, but a warning!
of seed we are short,
thus the drilling abort,
can we fetch a full bag from Horning?”

Late last night we were done,
achieved under lights – no sun!
The beans are now in,
and I’ve got a grin,
I can at last say that drilling was fun!
Many thanks to agronomist David Short for saving the day with seed. It is also worth noting that the seed didn’t came from Horning, but I’m not clever enough to make anything Whittlesford!
© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9^th 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Author Archives: The Baldock Bard.

About The Baldock Bard.

Bertie and the Waves!

From The Barn Roof (to the sea!)

Bird-Scaring Drone!

When Cars Go Wrong!

Bill and the Daffodils!

The Kite and the Drone!

Farmer Jack

Spring Oats on Easter Saturday!

Stuck in the Mud!

When Beans Run Short!