About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

Show-Off and Tell!

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supercarThe other weekend, at a pub in rural Norfolk, we watched a man-child play ‘show-off and tell’. At the bar he announced (in a loud voice for the benefit of those possibly out of earshot), that he’d bought himself a Ferrari for his birthday. Later, while leaving the car park, he showed off its performance with squealing tyres. His mates had gathered to look and learn. Unfortunately, much to the disappointment of the assembled crowd, he was lucky and missed the ditch…

He had a supercar sleek and red,
to attract a super-girl to his bed,
He really thought that he was ‘it’,
According to others he was ‘just a tit!’

*Library picture of red supercar. Sorry, I wasn’t quick enough with the camera after a highly satisfying lunch!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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Snow-Day Saturday!

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Snow3“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,” so sang Johnny Mathis. Opening the curtains this morning I had a shock, followed by a rather unseasonal phone call. Of course all of you who know me here will realise that I’m always polite and so the caller went away to become a customer another day…

It’s snowing quite hard near Baldock,
not quite enough yet to ski,
No snowman-building is happening,
but give it an hour and we’ll see!
It sometimes snows in March,
mostly rain or hail,
had a phone call this morning,
“Sorry! There’s no boot sale!”

Have a great weekend and enjoy the white precipitation, shan’t rush to attach the snowplough just yet! FYI Baldock Boot Sale starts after Easter!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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A Pirate Came to Tea!

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Pirate TeaWhile packing for our holiday Mrs Bard was approached by our three-year-old granddaughter and instructed to pack a pirate for me! When the coast was clear the pirate made an appearance and demanded grog and vittles…

A pirate came to tea one day,
when the Bards had gone away,
he unsheathed his sword and demanded food,
to ignore the request could have seemed quite rude!
“As I see it’s vittles you’re makin’,
I would like some eggs and bacon!”
He had a drink (not from a bar),
finished his food and let out an “Ooh Arrgh!”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Hazards of Droning!

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Fishing BoatFlying a drone, or UAV, is easy when you know how and have had good training. However flying it safely is not as easy as crashing the machine! I am getting better at the former and improving when it comes to the latter! However I’m by no means out of the woods yet…

The
drones
greatest
enemies
are
waiting
around
the
corner
to
attack
you!

They
are
inexperience
and
gravity
but
not
necessarily
in
that
order!

Thanks to Sion and Daniel from RUSTA, I’m a safer flyer now! Good training is the key to accomplished flying! Stay safe out there!
www.uastraining.com

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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Happy St David’s Day!

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Daffs“Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus!” will be the greeting across Wales and the Welsh-speaking world this morning. Daffodils will be worn and schoolchildren will dress up in their national costume. Back in 1975 all this was alien to this Englishman. I knew that Cardiff was the capital of this small but resilient chapel, rugby and beer loving nation, but little else.

On a wet autumn afternoon, I found myself, a twenty-year-old nervous Englishman, driving across the Severn Bridge (there was only one  in those days) and into a foreign land. Having driven some way along the A48 (before the days of the M4), my poor little mini, unused to such torrential downpours in its native East of England, started to cough and splutter. I took shelter under a bridge and waited for the cars electrics to dry out. Being without map, compass or provisions, (mobile phones were just the speculation of mad science fiction writers in those days!) I came to the conclusion that my destination was just over the next hill.
After a while there was a tap on the window. There stood a policeman, not just of ordinary English-size, but a giant of a man with a neck wider than the Bristol Channel. In a sing-song South Walien accent he asked if I was lost! I told him that it was my first time in Wales and that I was almost at my destination, a small village beyond Llanelli. With utmost patience he explained that I had over 60 miles to travel and that I’d better be on my way as it would soon be dark!
When I finally arrived in the small village of Pembrey, having taken many wrong turnings in the pitch black night, including a grass-covered sheep track up a hill, I found the house, standing alone on a hill above the village.

Little did I know then, but this was where I’d be married, enjoy holidays with children and a place and people I’d grow to love and cherish, including my wonderful Welsh wife of 36 years, Helen. Not bad for an English youth who once stood ringing a doorbell in a foreign land, dressed in purple jeans, mismatching jumper and untidy hair, on a dark and wet night 41 years ago.

Happy St David’s Day.

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Wells Whelks!

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  Recently I watched a small fishing boat unloading trays of whelks in the dark at Wells harbour-side in Norfolk. Whelks are a sort of snail. I discovered that in Victorian times they were the equivalent of our modern-day kebab. Apparently, after a night on the gin, a whelk or four slipped down a treat…

Whelks from Wells,
snails in shells.
Slip well in,
after a night on the gin,

What’s not known,
is how you’d groan,
with realisation dawning,
The following morning!

Have a great week. Go on, be brave, try a whelk today!!

©Baldock Bard 2016
for more verse click on ‘HOME’ above!

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A Wonderful View!

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Fave ViewWhen I am talking to someone new I often wonder what their surroundings look like. When  talking to a friend from Topsham near Exeter yesterday, I knew just what the view from her house looked like. Stupidly I also admitted that it was one of the stock photo’s I carried in case I could think of nothing to write about one morning! Guess what? Yup! My mind is in weekend mode already…

At the bottom of Ailsa and Mark’s tiny street,
is a view that one could never repeat.
It would make such a postcard sublime,
that I had to make one at the time!
It’s got colour,
It’s got a view,
That’s why I’m,
posting it for you!

You know it’s Devon
‘Cos it’s close to Heaven!

Have a wonderful weekend, whatever the view from your doorstep.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

 

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‘Cleardy-uppy’ Time!

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Loadall tidyI am constantly being told off by my 3-year-old granddaughter, even when I have her best interests at heart. The other day when I suggested that if she was not careful she might hurt herself on a toy, the retort (with raised eyebrows) was a very sarcastic “Yes Captain!”  Unfortunately her disgust has spread out into the farmyard…

When looking into the Loadall cab,
(after my daily rhyme),
My granddaughter said while shaking her head,
“It’s ‘Cleardy-uppy’ time!”

She made me brush the loader floor,
it was “a disgrace!”
The junk on the dash-board I call my ‘work-hoard’
was totally out of place!

Now the cab is tidy,
nothing on the floor,
no string to hold my trousers up,
or fasten the loose cab door!

I’ve been warned about an inspection, so I must get up to the yard and remove my flask, gloves, high-vis jacket, Gaffer tape, ‘How to Farm’ instruction book, sweet papers and everything else from one mornings work!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

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Early Morning Spread!

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FertThis morning I’m out of bed at the same time as a proper farmer! James is coming to help spread fertiliser on the wheat. There are two reasons for doing this now: firstly the wheat is desperately in need of food after a mild winter eating up its reserves, and secondly the ground is spongy and we’d not be able to travel without a frost. So here’s hoping we don’t disturb the neighbours…

I’m up before the lark,
outside there’s frost and dark,
fertilizer spreading I will go,
in the hope the crops will grow!
So if you see strange lights,
and suddenly think “Oh Cripes!”
It could be me you know,
definitely not a UFO!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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Canine Hide and Seek!

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HideYesterday afternoon I played hide and seek with my three-year-old grand-daughter. At first it went well, she hid and I attempted to prolong the round by ignoring laughter, visible limbs or appeals for me to ‘do better!’ When it was my turn to hide, in what I considered to be an excellent spot, she chose to get help…

When I hid around the back of the chair,
Grand-daughter never spotted me there,
Despite my legs being in sight,
the corner of the room wasn’t bathed in light!
I watched her pass too and fro,
I was hidden like a pro!
Then she used a cunning plan,
sent the dogs to see where I am.
In an instant they spotted me,
she then claimed a victory!

Grandfather’s tip #328: When playing hide and seek, make sure the dogs are unavailable to help!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

Share