About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

Slippery When Wet!

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SlipperySo the great debate has started, are we in or are we out? To be quite honest I’m bored already by aloof, slippery and untrustworthy politicians telling me what’s best for me. Like all institutions, the EU (or whatever it’s called these days), has good and bad for us all. Unfortunately many trillion more words are about to assault our ears…

Some say “stay in,”
some say “stay out,”
until June 23rd,
they’ll argue and shout.
Have they forgotten,
I think it’s true,
the final decision,
is up to me and you!

With apologies to my international readers for such a local topic, I’ll try my best not to mention it again! Have a peaceful week and ‘nil illegitimi carborundum’ ! 

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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No Way!

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No WayWhen were you last affected by stimuli so strong that it left you breathless? Have you ever had such a moment? It could have been a smell, a taste or even a song that takes you back in time…

The other morning, just before dawn, I was cultivating a field called Mullygrubbs next to the road. The radio was playing second fiddle to the throaty exhaust of the large rubber-tracked John Deere tractor as it worked at full power to pull the deep cultivator through the frosty soil.
Suddenly I half-heard a song that I thought I recognised. I turned up the volume and was immediately whisked back to the early Seventies.
The location of the memory, a small market town in Wiltshire where I was in school, doing a paper-round, failing O’Level examinations, working on a building site and cycling around with a transistor radio taped to the handlebars of my bicycle!
However the track played was not an oldie, but a recently released track with a distinctly retro feel that for a 60 yr old farmer, hit the spot better than chocolate, wine gums or even a perfect latte.
By the time the song was over and forgotten memories had been remembered, tears were streaming down this old mans face and the straight lines made by the cultivator had been abandoned.
So if you are travelling along the country road out of Baldock and notice some distinctly wonky cultivation, don’t blame me, just listen to Gilbert O’Sullivan’s latest hit ‘No Way’ and maybe you’ll understand.

With grateful thanks to Gilbert O’Sullivan for making my magic happen! Have a great weekend and I wish you magic moments too.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
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Mutterings from the Logpile!

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LogsThe other afternoon the sun shone, there was hardly a cloud to be seen and it didn’t seem like February. However, mindful that the evenings were still drawing in early and that Jack Frost was about, I decided to saw and split some logs for the woodburner. While taking great care not to saw or add any part of me to the pile of logs, I let my mind wander…

If Donald Trump got the hump,
would Hillary Clinton care?
If he were sawing rather than boring,
He’d have sawdust in his hair!

If David Cameron visited Amazon,
and ordered a book from the store,
a European guide for an easier ride,
his renegotiation they’d not ignore!

Onward I sawed without being bored,
practising my ‘Acceptance Speech!’
Ladies and Gents I won’t sit on the fence,
“I think my latest film or book is a peach!”

After a while I broke into a smile,
the trailer-full of logs was done,
put the daydream away said “Now let us pray!”
Time had sped past and was fun!

WARNING: Daydreaming while using any machinery can harm your heath.
You must never daydream and drive. If you feel yourself becoming a Womble, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or Elsa from Frozen, pull over in the next safe place, give yourself a slap and pull yourself together.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

 

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Farewell to Three!

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threeAccording to my media advisor, Tone, television channel BBC Three is no longer available via digital TV. Being a mere yokel, son of the soil and general rustic, I was much confused.  Enquiring further, I was told by Tone that if I wanted to watch it, I would have to use the Internet. Poor old BBC3, banished from the stable and out in the cold…

Farewell then,
to BBC 3,
you had other lovers,
but never me!

When last night,
I looked around,
discovered then,
you’d gone to ground.

You had a niche,
so they said,
now you’re consigned,
to the Web.

Wherever you are,
you’ll find a gap,
but I’ll never know,
if you were good or crap!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

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Broken near Baldock!

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SibdiscOn Monday morning there was a frost. This is only the fifth frost we’ve had this year. For the last few weeks I have been attempting to do some cultivating so I can plant Spring crops. Unfortunately not only has the weather contrived to disappoint me but so has a machine…

In with the cultivator in the dark,
gear set to drive rather than park,
floodlights illuminate wherever I go,
Frost is on the ground (they forecast snow!)
Glance over my shoulder somethings wrong,
turn off the radio silence the song,
the serrated discs are not turning round,
soil has built up, made a groove in the ground.
Out with the spud to spade off the earth,
can’t see what’s wrong for what it’s worth,
back to the shed fire up the welder
mend a bracket that I’ll call Imelda!
My welding looks good I want to shout,
get back to the field the frost has come out!
return to the barn feel a little sorrow
put the tractor away try again tomorrow!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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Memory of a Mother

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snowdropsYesterday afternoon it was bright but with a definite chill in the air. Walking through the woods behind the farm I came upon a patch of snowdrops, planted many years ago by my mother…

There’s a small reminder,
at this time of year,
that my mother left behind,
to remind us she was here.
Her birthday was last Wednesday,
102 she would have been,
now she rests in the churchyard,
her epitaph this snowdrop scene.

It’s rather fitting that my 1,200th posting should be in memory of my mother. To all mothers out there, have a great day and thank you for everything you do.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

 

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Friends Like Ours

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D Alde 1On Wednesday, a friendly neighbour left some flowers outside our door along with a simple, kind message. Another left a box of Quality Street chocolates ‘to help us through the next few days.’
In past years, on the anniversary of my son David’s death, I’ve written about him. However, as much as I still miss him like crazy, even after 13 years, his story is much more about friendship and the way he lived and loved than it is about his loss.

David collected friends in the same way some collect Star Wars memorabilia, football cards or stamps. He loved people of all sorts and all ages. Since his death in a car at university, aged 22, it is both his and our friends that have kept us sane. Not ‘friends’ in the much hyped and misunderstood social media ‘never met’ context, but true friends; the sort who aren’t embarrassed to see a grown man cry, the sort who show empathy as well as sympathy and the sort who are not embarrassed to share their own family moments with us.
Recently a friend of David’s called in so he could share his wonderful news of impending fatherhood with us. It was a magical moment, albeit with a slight tinge of sadness around the outer edges, but one we were so grateful to be included in.

So this year I’d like you to do something special. Either in David’s memory (whether you knew him or not), or just because you want to – I’d like you to find a new friend. It may be that colleague that’s new to the office. It could be someone you see on your daily commute or someone you’ve always wanted to speak to but didn’t have the courage. Here’s your excuse: say “David told me to speak to you!”

Or you could do an Act Of Random Kindness to a complete stranger. Who knows, you might even make a new friend.

…or just enjoy your day, you deserve it!

Miss you David x

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Dangers of a Frost!

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CultivatingDo you ever have one of those days when you realise after a while you should have stayed in bed? This morning I should have done just that. Instead, even though my morning had been shot down in flames, I continued wading through the mire…

I opened the curtains,
the lawn was white with frost,
I put on my warm coat
Out to the yard to go deep cultivating.

I started the tractor,
Frost obscured any view,
Back to the house for de-icer
Windows now clear
Steamed up inside
Find rag and clear steam
Drive up yard
Anti-theft cultivator blocks track
Back to house for keys to barn
Forklift refuses to start
Find jump leads
Remove grain bucket from loader
Fit forklift tines
Move obstructing cultivator
Notice wearing point has fallen off deep cultivator
Fetch hammer
Lie under cultivator to re-attach point
Hit hand with hammer
Swear
Hit head on steel cultivator beam
Swear again
Drive to field with sore head and hand
Frost almost gone
Do four lengths of field
Block discs on cultivator
Unblock by hand
Return to farm
Lock tractor in shed!

It’s when you hit hand and head,
just be sensible and return to bed!

Have a great day and be careful out there!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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The Clean Sweep!

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SweepingMy old boss used to say, “You can always find something to do on a farm, even if it’s sweeping the yard!” I seem to have driven a brush far more during recent weeks than a tractor. I have swept the barn so many times that I shall soon have to be like Trig in ‘Only Fools and Horses’ and require a new broom…

The great thing about sweeping,
it lets your clogged mind wander,
as time stretches before you,
not something you can squander!

You sweep, sweep, sweep,
with rythmatic ease,
your mind is far away,
in Malta or Belize!

Suddenly you’re finished,
it catches you with surprise.
only then you understand,
dust can clog your eyes!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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Drone-Destroyer Denzel!

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Denzil's Destroyed DroneThe media is excitedly awaiting more dastardly drone stories. Hardly a day goes by when the competence of operators or pilots is not called into question. Having taken time, money and effort to become qualified, I can appreciate the vast difference between serious fliers and those ‘Just-out-of-the-box Johnnies.’ The one mercy is that these things have one-thousand-and one ways of self-destructing when used by the incompetent (and sometimes me!). Trees and buildings rather than planes are the drones enemy…

Denzel the Drone Destroyer,
is in need of an excellent lawyer,
he unboxed the drone,
flew it at home,
the cat looks as if shaved by Goya!

He took it out to the park,
flew it around in the dark,
said “oh dear me!”
when it hit a tree,
the bill for repair’s left its mark!

When it finally returned from repair,
“from now on I shall take more care,”
his wife sued for divorce,
when it veered off course,
and tangled itself in her hair!

Now banned from flying inside,
went to the countryside for a ride,
didn’t set ‘home’,
for Baldock (or Rome!)
so it’s flown back to China (or tried!)

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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