Author Archives: The Baldock Bard.

About The Baldock Bard.

In 1997 a scruffy untalented poet started to write verse for the Baldock Car Boot Sale adverts in the local papers on a four week trial. Before long his attempts at verse was being discussed in bars across the South East of the UK. A regular buyer at the car boot sales was in his local pub in Barnet when he heard two men at the bar discussing a car boot poem they had read in the local paper by someone they called 'The Baldock Bard' (after the town where the car boot sale was held). From this moment on, the un-named verse-writer was known far and wide as 'The Baldock Bard'. He lives in a cave carved into a hill just outside Baldock in Hertfordshire, living off the land. He is addicted to Cheeselets, Twiglets and Cola and has a long-suffering wife, a granddaughter, a daughter, a son-in-law, two dogs, geese and chickens

The Undercover Cyclist!

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Have you ever taken a photo that when looked at later seems to convey a different story to the one envisaged at the time? The above photo shows a pleasant group of retired folk playing pétanque on a village green, all is well in their world until you notice the cyclist…

The SAS (cycle division) were undercover,
on a training exercise,
merging in with some old folk,
who showed no sign of surprise.
He radioed in to headquarters:
‘All’s fine I haven’t been seen!
I’m about to eat my rations,
sitting on the village green!’
Suddenly there was a commotion,
a player dropped a ball on his toe,
he yelled out the emergency word,
you should have seen the cyclist go!

With apologies for the quality of todays verse, must remember to take stronger tablets and drink more water! Have a great day and don’t drop anything heavy on your toes!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Angry Drone Pilot!

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As a qualified, licensed and insured drone pilot, I am fed up with news stories of near misses with aircraft, like one currently doing the rounds about a near miss with a military helicopter. These reflect badly on drone-flyers to those who skim-read articles in the media. The fact that most of these near-misses happen at between 700 and 2500 feet, when most drones (including mine) are limited by law and electronics to a maximum height of 400 feet, makes me hopping mad. My drones will not fly near an airport, so those who break the law should have the full weight of it crashing around their shoulders.

My rant is over,
my anger spent,
over a near-miss,
was it Surrey or Kent?
I always worry,
when I hear a chopper,
land my drone before,
it becomes a cropper.
But most of the time,
it flies with ease,
over pastoral scenes,
and avoiding trees!
Neighbouring farmers,
have been heard to moan:
“What’s that noise?
– only Simon’s drone!”


Have an enjoyable day and if you hear a noise like an irritated swarm of bees, it may just be my drone!
Stay healthy, happy and safe

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Epitaph

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The other day on a short break I looked around a very old church. Whilst I admired the architecture and suchlike it was a simple grave in the churchyard that caught my eye and made me think…

There are few words on a gravestone,
normaly just name and dates,
very little about the person,
when he stood at the Pearly Gates.
The memorial to Freddie Clark is different,
refreshingly honest and true,
simple words for eternity,
what will your stone reveal about you?

Let’s be kind and caring out there today

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

 

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The Egyptian Football Fan!

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I have been away for a few days. On Wednesday I was in a small village near Cambridge. There happened to be a football match being screened nearby so that not only did we have the commentary from the TV, but also the sound of the crowd down the road. I met a foreign national whose team had not been as successful in the World Cup…

The Egyptian Goose
looked at me and said,
“Who won the match?
because I went to bed!”

“Not England,” I replied

“Nor Egypt too,
they didn’t even get,
into round two!
I’ll be off now,
it’s all the same,
just thank heavens
it’s only a game!”
…and with a shake of his head he was gone muttering as he went about sea lions on a shirt!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Big Match!

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There are people who are fed up with the hot weather, but at the Baldock Saturday Boot Sale we love it! As an added bonus, because the gates open for sellers at 0630hrs, the heat of the day is yet upon us. But tomorrow many will ignore the heat at 3pm when a certain match kicks off in Russia…

It’s cool to boot at Baldock,
before the heat of the day,
the sellers set their stalls out,
many buyers (they don’t pay!)

Tomorrow we won’t mention ABBA,
meatballs or IKEA,
at three their stores may empty,
it’ll be football with a beer!

If things go wrong in Russia,
and England are knocked out,
let’s pray there isn’t trouble,
like throwing plastic chairs about!

Have a great weekend and enjoy the match!
See you the other side of the weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Memories of a Moke!

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Yesterday I followed what might be described as a ‘Sixties Classic’ down to the town. I suddenly realised that I had forgotten they existed, and had a flash-back of a press photo from way back then. Despite an extensive search thanks to Mr Google, I can’t find the photo so it may just have been an illusion…

In the petrol station I met this bloke,
who was driving an original Mini Moke!
I remember a photo (of which I was fond),
astride a Moke – a ‘Hot-Panted’ blonde!
I was nine in sixty-four
Don’t remember much (soon be sixty-four!)
Of my faulty memory fun you may poke,
but I fancied the blonde more than the Moke!

Have a fun day and see if you too can have an illuminating flash-back today!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


 

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Golden Moments!

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The other day I watched a father paddling down the river with his young daughter and I knew I was witnessing something special. As they passed I called across, “You’ll always remember this golden moment!” He replied “I know!” We should all make time for such times with our offspring to give us memories to store for later…

Floating down the river,
on a paddle-board with his daughter,
he’s with her because he wants to be,
not because he oughta.

They’re sharing golden moments,
for the day that she leaves home,
Maybe she’ll live far away,
New York or even Rome!

There’s an extra bonus,
One we should not forget,
If she texted her friends right now,
her phone could get soaking wet!

Do you remember golden moments with your offspring?
If not – make time to make some as soon as you can!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Home From Home

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On my way to the bank yesterday I passed a caravan parked in a car park. Knowing that some holiday-makers sometimes use car parks for the night with a motorhome, the idea of a caravan parking this way was new to me. On the way back I stopped to speak to the couple who were sat outside in the sunshine. They’d had a tough week, he’d lost his job, she had been ill and they were evicted from their home. However, they were smiling, with a broad grin he told me how friends were rallying round to help…

In a car park in town,
a caravan with jacks down,
looks like it’s going to stay.
A husband and wife,
with troubles in life,
sit outside on a perfect summer’s day.

Last week they were evicted,
a move neither predicted,
and now the van is their home.
The leisure battery was shot,
no power had they got,
no light at all – not an ohm.

A friend lent a generator,
a battery from a mate (…er!),
their friends had rallied around.
I felt quite humble,
that despite a huge tumble,
their feet remained on the ground.

The moral is clear,
that when icebergs appear,
and your ship is sinking quite fast,
friends bring the lifeboat,
to help keep you a-float:
Your future depends on your past.

(…in life you reap what you sow!)

When I passed later they had gone. I wish them well, it just shows that none of us realize just how lucky we are.
True friends are always there, covering our backs.
Discover a new friend today. I made and helped a new friend yesterday.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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A Robot in the Field?

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This week I went to a conference/demonstration about soil and alternative methods of farming called Groundswell. I was wandering around looking at the trade stands when I had a ‘Wow, Look At That!’ moment. I was given a glimpse into the future…

I met a lady who has robots,
Tom, Dick and Harry by name,
and if what she told me is half correct,
it’ll change the future farming game.

Tom monitors the soil and the crops,
While feeding and weeding Dick roams,
it’s Harry who plants and drill the seeds,
while Wilma’s control them from homes!

Behind every good farmer is a farmer’s wife
Behind every good robot is a Wilma!

I also heard a great relevant story.
Many years ago a farmer had the first tractor arrive on his farm. The horse-keepers were not happy as this ‘dirty, smelly, and noisy thing’ started ploughing far quicker than their horses could. They grumbled amongst themselves. However the tractor got stuck in a notoriously wet part of the field and had to be pulled out by horses. Once rescued, one of the horse-keepers said to the others, “I told you so. Them tractor-things will never catch on!”
The Small Robot Company can be found at https://www.smallrobotcompany.com
Groundswell is a great annual event https://groundswellag.comHave a great day and stay safe.
You’d also better get used to AI and Algorithm, they are becoming a large part of our future.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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“May I come in?”

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Today’s picture was taken by my drone flying just outside a tiny village in the rolling hills of North Hertfordshire that I call home. It shows where the small local road crosses the main A507 Baldock to Buntingford road.

On the 20th of June, a man left his house in Baldock, two miles away, to go for a run. Tragically, he didn’t return home. According to local reports, he was hit by a lorry near this junction. The report went on to tell how ‘next of kin have been informed’.
Sadly, my family are well-aware of the process. A police officer knocks on the door (in our case close to midnight) and utters the words “May I come in?” or similar.
He brings with him or her a maelstrom so sudden and violent that it can leave the recipient with deep but invisible scarring from which there is little hope of a full recovery. Every time I hear of a fatality on our roads my thoughts are immediately with nearest and dearest receiving such life-changing news.
For such a sudden tragedy to happen so close to our village, brings it even closer to home and unpicks the invisible scars yet again.

What I’d like you to do is this: Please can you ring, text, e-mail or somehow get in touch with your nearest and dearest. Not this afternoon, not tomorrow, but right now. Can you say or type the words: “LOVE YOU.”
Not for me, not for my son David or Peter Day who died out running, but for you. You are able to do it while so many can’t and never will be able to.

© Baldock Bard 2018

The Road Victims Trust is a registered charity offering a range of free support services to residents of Bedfordshire, Cambridgeshire and Hertfordshire who have been affected by fatal road collisions. http://www.rvtrust.org.uk

 

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