The Goth Moth!

Posted on June 13, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Continuing my clear up in time for next weeks guests on the farm (http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=7054)I decided to strim the area around the barn where we are meeting. The meeting with the farmers is to discuss conservation and give them an opportunity to see our achievements here. However the strimmer refused to start…

The bloody strimmer refused to start,
I felt like a horse without a cart,
what will those farmers think of me?
thistles and nettles the first thing they’ll see!

Then I spied a little moth,
it’s back and red colouring decidedly ‘Goth’,
and all at once I realised,
this beautiful moth was my prize!

The little moth’s more valuable than I thought,
because it’s larvae eats poisonous ragwort.
So thanks to this little moth, black and red,
I’ve returned the strimmer to the shed!

For more info on this wonderful little ragwort-eater, Goggle ‘Cinnibar Moth’

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Sea Bass Twins!

Posted on June 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

My grand-daughter and I were standing at a fish counter the other day when we noticed some twins. Lying on ice on a hot day seemed an attractive proposition and they looked as if they were enjoying themselves by the broad grins on their faces. However looks can be deceptive…

Fish A and Fish B,
Were far from the sea,
On a very hot day in June.
Fish A said “it’s nice,
To be resting on ice,
I hope we’re not chosen too soon!”

“Look at those folk,
it must be a joke,
In this heat they may possibly swoon!”
Fish B with a fin,
Comforted him,
Knowing they would be chosen by noon!

The Travels of a Breakfast Goat!

Posted on June 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

My grand-daughter is fascinated by goats and this morning she and I are enjoying an early breakfast. In an effort to stave off Ms Peppa Pig or Master Thomas the Tank Engine, I am pulling tricks out of my not-yet-awake sleeve! In the end I realized there was only one trick left…

There’s a goat in the cupboard,
what are we going to do?
he want’s to go to Cambridge,
has a ticket for Timbuktu!
He doesn’t want the railway,
he wants to go by bus.
He’s demolished a bowl of Goatabix,
is making a dreadful fuss!
My grand-daughter’s told him he can stay,
make himself at home,
Now he says he’s changed his mind,
and wants to go to Rome!
He going to call a taxi,
we’ve said that can’t be right,
he has said that that’s ok,
he’ll go by goatabike!

* Picture shows Marsya’s Godmother, Aurora, in Greece with her herd of goats. It is useful to have someone to blame for an obsession other than ones-self!

STOP PRESS!
Updated photo from Greece from Aunty Aurora!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Jack the Russell

Posted on May 29, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

We have many discerning customers at the Saturday car boot sales we hold on the farm. This is not only because entry amd parking for buyers is free, but because the sellers bring along such fascinating items to sell. One buyer who knows, and gets, what he wants is called ‘Jack’ and is amongst the many ‘four-legged buyers’ we see each week…

Every Saturday without fail,
Jack comes to the car boot sale,
Leads his human around the field,
Wondering what today will yield!
He chooses his purchase with much care,
Always picks a teddy-bear!
Then turns his back as if to say,
“I have chosen, now you pay!”

Precious Learns!

Posted on May 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On April 30^th I told you about the arrival of our five goslings: http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=6898. Unfortunately we only have one left, the others having either been left behind as the geese travel vast distances around the farm or were killed by the fox. As a result the proud Mummy and Daddy (or Mummy and Mummy, or Daddy and Daddy!) are less than friendly towards me and guard ‘Precious’ very closely…

“Get away! Get away!
Don’t you come near.
We’ll make you sorry,
with a bite on your ear!”

“We’ll then chase you,
around the farm,
pen you in a corner,
and break your arm!”

“What’s that you’re carrying?
Could it be food?
To bite the hand that feeds us,
would be very rude!”

“Go on Precious,
say ‘Hello’
He’s come to feed us,
and then he’ll go!”

“Thank you Mr Farmer,
For the handful of wheat,
Do come again tomorrow,
with tasty food to eat!”

Sally the Seagull

Posted on May 12, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Being from the landlocked county of Hertfordshire, I can never understand the venom with which seaside dwellers view seagulls. In our coastal-themed loo lives Sally the Wooden Seagull whose main purpose is to amuse our granddaughter while on the potty. This is accomplished with distinction earning Sally ‘The Grand Order of the Shell’ which she wears with pride…

Sally the seagull lives in the loo,
She has just one daily job to do!
Not from pensioners does she steal chips,
Or hang around landfill tips!
She sits under the basin all day long,
Once or twice breaking into song:

To the tune: ‘I do like to be beside the seaside’
“Oh I do like to be beside the toilet,
I do like to be beside the bog,
It’s just dynamite,
When the room smells not alright!
My mo-ther, was just a log!”

A Killer Strikes!

Posted on May 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

We are down from ten to two chickens and it’s our own fault. If we kept them locked up in a shed they’d have been safe, however we like to see them roaming around the farm as nature intended. The two remaining hens, Mrs Brown and Mrs Black (Mrs White’s head was found detached from her body along with the others including the ‘Tiptoe Twins’). They now stick together and wander around wondering where their friends have gone and if there are tastier scraps to be found there, while I prepare a surprise for the fox…

On our farm about a week ago,
A fox came calling and away did go,
Killed our chickens removed their heads,
Whilst they were sleeping in their beds.
Feathers scattered all around,
My favourite hens dead on the ground.
If that fox had wanted food,
I wouldn’t hate him or be rude.
If I’m late to the boot sale then you’ll know,
I’m no longer woken by the cockerel’s crow!

Five Golden Goslings!

Posted on April 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

One of the marvels of spring is the sudden appearance of little yellow bundles around the legs of the farm geese. No matter how many years you’ve witnessed this, it still comes as a wonderful surprise. However the show is always watched from a distance…

Five little goslings,
Under mothers feet,
Learning survival,
And finding things to eat.

They’re fluffy and they’re yellow,
They scoot around the yard,
Let’s hope the fox doesn’t get them,
‘Cos we would find that hard.

There’s daddy and there’s mummy,
And Aunty Goosey too!
It doesn’t hardly matter,
I don’t know who is who!

Nobody gets too close
To the precious little five
You’ll be penned in a corner
Until the other geese arrive!

Easter Bunnies on R&R!

Posted on April 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Visiting Oxfordshire yesterday I looked up and was startled to see more rabbits than I’ve seen for years. I think they were taking time out following a very busy Easter Weekend.

Where do the Easter bunnies go,
When their work is done?
They aren’t found near Baldock,
Because they like the sun!

Yesterday I saw them,
Relaxed and not afraid,
Their mouths covered in chocolate,
And drinking lemonade!

But what is this? They’re waving!
Of a farmer they have no fear?
They show their little cotton tails,
Then simply disappear!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns this Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Jelly at Lunchtime!

Posted on April 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It must be twenty-eight and a half years since we last had a toddler in the house. While we weren’t necessarily strict parents, Mrs Bard and I were from the non-spoiling school of child rearing (Perhaps for historical accuracy I should remove my name from this statement as I was probably ‘an easy touch’ and any credit in the rearing dept. should go to Mrs Bard). Add a generation and things are slightly different…

Please eat your lunch,
It’s good for you!
Please eat your lunch,
It’s good!
Please eat your lunch,
Please eat,
Please!

Just another mouthful,
And you can have a jelly.
You don’t want jelly.
How about a Peppa Pig Jelly?
No we don’t watch Peppa Pig at lunchtimes.
The news is different.

How about Peppa Pig and a Peppa Pig Jelly?
You can’t watch Peppa and Thomas the Tank Engine together.
OK, so you can!
I’m sure Peppa wouldn’t mind you eating her jelly while…
Jelly on my trousers is so not funny.
OK, so jelly on my trousers is funny.
Ssssh! The news is starting!

With apologies to granddaughter, daughter and Mrs Bard.
Weakness is my strength!