Category Archives: Animal Verse

It’s a dogs life!

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I was looking through some recent photos and came across one that made me think. It came as a shock to suddenly realise that the dogs in this household don’t worry about anything. They have no worries about money, accommodation, jobs or clothes and have the ability to make their humans worry about them, even apologising to them if their dinner is late.I so want to be a dog…

She sits contented on the settee,
no real problems at all has she.
She sleeps with contentment every night,
only worries about what’s in her sight.
She often wonders ‘when’s my meal?’
no other troubles imagined or real.
As for housework she doesn’t care,
the sofa’s covered in her hair!
She’s so superior she doesn’t talk
sits by the door when she wants a walk!
If I had a choice a dog I’d be
…but only if my owner was me!

Have a great day and may all your worries evaporate!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Bathroom Duck!

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Recently my five-year-old granddaughter gave a present for the bathroom. It is rather a fine duck that has acquired the name: ‘Bathroom Duck’. Unfortunately we haven’t heard it speak or sing or seen it dance, but we are ever hopeful…

Bathroom Duck,
is full of luck,
as she sits beside the soap.
She wants to say,
that today,
will be a day of hope.

At dead of night,
when stars shine bright,
she sings a merry song,
I haven’t heard,
a single word,
but maybe I am wrong!

Have a lucky day full of hope and resolve!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The One-Cat Protest!

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Whenever my daughter and her family pack their motorhome for a few days break, their cat, Min, stages a one-cat-protest. It’s as if she’s been listening in to their conversations and is determined to disrupt their get away or even stowaway…

“They are going to climb into that tin house with wheels,
and leave me behind they don’t know how it feels,
I have used many novel ways in the past,
this one might be effective at last!
I shall sit upon the step by the door,
trip them up so they drop their clothes on the floor,
then when they think I’m back in the house,
I’m in the camper van as quiet as a mouse.”

“…But then I purr, I might as well wail
and I’m out on my ear – yet another fail!”

Have a great weekend and if you’re travelling check for feline stowaways!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


 

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Damned If I Do…!

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Have you ever been wrong on many counts? I was the other day and it was not long before a stranger told me so! It was a very hot day and I had gone shopping with Mrs Bard. We parked in a supermarket car park so devoid of shade it might as well have been an Arabian desert! As we had the dogs in the car I elected to stay with them. Having recently watched a video of a vet, dressed in scrubs, showing how hot dogs can become in a car, I left the engine and air-conditioning running. Big mistake…

A knock on the window heralded her arrival,
Attilla the Hen had a new rival!
“What are you doing with your engine running?”
Her vitriolic attack was momentarily stunning,
“It’s people like you cause Global Warming,
I’ll report you for that!” a timely warning!
When I said I had two dogs in the back,
she started to splutter as if having an attack,
“People like you should be allowed to keep pets,
They should have warnings about you in the vets!”
With that she stormed off quite absurd,
and fell not so gracefully over the kerb!
So I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t,
will I take any notice? I’m damned if I won’t!

Have a great day, enjoy the heatwave and remember hot dogs die in hot cars. Stay cool, healthy, happy and safe

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Egyptian Football Fan!

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I have been away for a few days. On Wednesday I was in a small village near Cambridge. There happened to be a football match being screened nearby so that not only did we have the commentary from the TV, but also the sound of the crowd down the road. I met a foreign national whose team had not been as successful in the World Cup…

The Egyptian Goose
looked at me and said,
“Who won the match?
because I went to bed!”

“Not England,” I replied

“Nor Egypt too,
they didn’t even get,
into round two!
I’ll be off now,
it’s all the same,
just thank heavens
it’s only a game!”
…and with a shake of his head he was gone muttering as he went about sea lions on a shirt!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Hitching a Ride!

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There are times when you are in the right place at the right time with a camera in your hand. Yesterday was one of those days when a swan went floating by with a cygnet riding on its back…

Aaaaaah!
No more words necessary!

Wishing you a lucky day. Stay happy, safe and healthy.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The One-Winged Bandit!

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Here on the farm we seem to have gained the reputation as a sanctuary for birds who are abandoned, un-loved or poorly. Our latest recruit is a goose who had a nasty operation that ended with the removal of a wing. As he is now in possession of just one ‘arm’ naturally he had to be called ‘Bandit’ (after the fruit machine). He has settled in and is now a fully-fledged member of the much-feared Goose Gang…

Bandit strolls around the farm,
an exaggerated stagger as only one ‘arm’!
He’s slowly joining in with the gang,
as around the pond they hang,
of his bravery there is no lack,
he fights with one ‘arm’ behind his back!

Have a great day and stay safe

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Betty’s Yeti!

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The other day we took a friend to a local garage to look at a Skoda Yeti. If you remember the 70’s and 80’s, every single motoring joke was about a Skoda (eg why does a Skoda have a heater rear window – to keep your hands warm when you push-start it on a winter’s morning! etc. etc. ad nauseam). These days the joke is on other manufacturers. It may be because I’m old, but I was impressed, so was our friend. As a result there will be sightings of a Yeti in London, sleek and silver without the shaggy hair…

A friend has bought a Yeti,
(no, her name’s not Betty!)
No long hair,
like a bear,
the Yeti isn’t sweaty!

Yet again I find myself having to apologise for the quality, one can only hope and pray for better results tomorrow! Best wishes BB

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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‘Snappy’ to the Rescue!

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Last week the GDPR regulations came into force for businesses in the UK. As far as I was aware, the only information we stored for the car boot sales was a list of mobile numbers. Therefore I sent out a text that included the following:
‘All we have is a list of mobile numbers stored on an i-Phone which is kept at night in the cage that holds our pet crocodile, Snappy, and we will never ever give your number to anyone else because you are our friend’
From texts received it would seem that Snappy has a number of fans out there, but even if he’s not real, it can do you good to keep your very own ‘Snappy’ in reserve…

If you’ve ever dealt with complaints before,
and not wished to hear just one word more,
what you need are some sharp teeth,
a trap door with a croc beneath!
Even if this croc isn’t real,
pretend it is and better you’ll feel,
reach for that lever in your mind,
and leave the complaints far behind!

He may squeal,
He may shout,
but you have let,
your ‘Snappy’ out!

Have a great day and don’t let those complaints get you down!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Working Mum

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Whenever Mrs Bard and I visit friends by the river, we also see a very busy housewife. She is out at work all day, in the evenings she spends her time either doing housework or raising her young. It is a relentless life, making her an un-sung hero…

Mrs Moorhen works all day,
at the River Bank,
her husband is not around,
she looks and draws a blank!
She hurries to pick up the kids,
from the local school,
they are all doing well,
apart from Frank who is a fool!
Then it’s home for supper,
food is on the table,
the kids all complain again,
apart from a quiet girl called Mabel.
Then at last they’re fast asleep,
she checks that they’re all fine,
creeps down to the kitchen,
and sinks a glass of wine!

Written in appreciation of all mothers! May you all have a great weekend (along with the odd glass of wine).

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


 

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