Official Taster!

Posted on July 30, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The secret of success with haymaking is the taste! Apart from a recipe for cooking lamb in hay it is rare to find it in a recipe book. However we now have an Official Taster…

Dolly the horse was excited
She sometimes gets that way
She looked into the barn
And it was full of hay

“I was just wondering if,”
She said with some surprise
“I might become an official taster,
To check your hay supplies?”

We gave her a handful of the finest
She sniffed and gave a snort
In an instant it was insider her
She spent some time in thought

“There’s the slightest hint of clover
Of timothy a merest taste
I’d better finish all the bale
Would hate it to go to waste!”

DOLLY-TESTED HAY IS AVAILABLE NOW!
CONTACT THE BARD (contact details below)

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Dolly’s New Shoes!

Posted on July 26, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I’m not the only one that needs to diet! Dolly the horse who lives on the farm is forced to wear a bucket-like contraption on her head to stop her eating too much grass. She has become very adroit at circumnavigating the contraption and so it has little effect apart from making her very bad tempered…

It’s a bucket day for Dolly
Who lives upon the farm
She’s also feeling angry
A case for great alarm
She canters around the meadow
To find the tastiest munch
All the while she’s frowning
Today’s a light-ish lunch
And then she’s collected
There’s nothing to amuse
It’s her friend the blacksmith
To fit a pair of shoes
While he’s working behind her
She dreams of an arena
If only he fitted ballet shoes
She could be a ballerina!
With thanks to blacksmith Tim Prutton for being patient while a rather irritating Bard mooched around with a camera.
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Another Wet Week!

Posted on July 14, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

With yet another wet week hitting our shores bringing chaos and flooding, people are starting to wonder if it will be a wet ‘Lympics’. No notice is being taken of a Dutchman who has built a replica Ark due to be floated up the Thames shortly. Some are drawing a parallel between this and the great storm of 1987 when a Dutch lady rang the Met Office to warn of the imminent hurricane, was ridiculed on the TV weather forecast only to be proved right within hours. Our politicians meanwhile are eagerly awaiting their free seats and hospitality at venues in and around London. One can only hope that they will be able to use the special ‘Lympic’ lanes on our streets (for athletes and ‘Lympic Family Members’ only) so they don’t miss any of the action…..

Saturday morning is here again
Summer 2012, nothing but rain
Shows put up the ‘cancelled’ sign
While MP’s insist “we’re doing just fine”

A Dutchman has built a replica Ark
He’s to moor it by the ‘Lympic Park’
If the forecasters really can’t tell what’s coming
The 100 metres could be swimming not running!

We really must learn to trust politicians
As they take free seats in the best positions
For all our sakes they issue a warning
Then blame everything on Global Warming!

Just be warned:
If a man near you
Is collecting animals
two by two!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season (hopefully) continues next Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Damaged Shoes!

Posted on July 8, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you wear damaged shoes? If not you probably haven’t got a dog. The other day I went to get a pair of shoes (I thought hidden from Teeth-on-Legs-with-Tail) only to discover that my hiding place had been discovered. Trying to maintain some sort of dignity in public knowing my shoes could disintegrate at any moment wasn’t easy. We decided to try some new dog food…

All my shoes are damaged,
Our dog so likes to chew!
Other dog owners sympathise,
Say “got a puppy too?”

Mrs Bard bought some dog food,
We hadn’t tried at home,
On the packet was a shoe,
Would my footwear be left alone?

The dog wolfed down the contents,
Burped, not saying pardon,
Grabbed a shoe from by the door,
And ran off down the garden!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Equestrian Family!

Posted on June 29, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

We’ve become an ‘equestrian family’,
Since my daughter got a horse,
She grooms it and she feeds it ,
Which all takes cash of course!
On Saturdays we’re at the boot sale,
We buy apples by the ton!
The family lives in penury,
Rosettes are ‘boot sale’ won!
© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Joys of Pet Ownership (part 2)!

Posted on June 28, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Mrs Bard and I have two dogs (our furry children) who rule our lives. Like all humans, our animals have to poop sometimes! Many dog owners act responsibly when dealing with this natural occurrence, some don’t…

There’s nothing worse than a crouching dog,
For the mess they leave behind.
Sometimes you look at people’s gardens,
And it looks as if they’ve been mined!

In public places mini black bags are used,
Which sometimes folk just sling.
There’s only one fit punishment –
The owners head-first in the bin!
© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Joys of Pet Ownership (part 1)

Posted on June 22, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Last night I discovered why many people choose not to have a pet! Along with many friends, my life seems to revolve around our ‘furry children’! They are rewarding at times but sometimes…

I was fast asleep in the middle of the night,
When Mrs Bard screamed, she’d had an awful fright.
I groggily sat up, my back was covered in sweat,
Oh no it wasn’t, the bed was soaking wet!
I turned on the light and there to my dismay,
A squashed heap of sick by a sleeping dog lay!
We stripped off the bed, I stripped off my clothes,
Naked to the washing machine (should have used a hose!)
It was all my fault as almost most things are,
The door to the upstairs I discovered was ajar.
When I returned, with fresh bedclothes and a sheet
Where was the bloody dog?
On the bed, still fast asleep!
© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Rat Nav!

Posted on June 20, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

We’ve just bought a new Sat Nav. It does everything apart from cook the breakfast. It always speaks with authority even when sending you to a completely different destination. My daughter, as a joke, put a toy rat on the dashboard of my trusty and rusty farm 4×4, we all call it Rat Nav…

My Rat-Nav suits me very well,
It doesn’t speak, it doesn’t tell,
No “Turn left at the next ‘T’ junction,”
You can’t switch off its 3D function.
When approaching speed cameras it doesn’t bleep,
I’m pretty sure it’s fast asleep!
It doesn’t recommend where to eat,
Local pub or children’s treat.
It doesn’t run the battery down,
It’s only movement is a frown.
No need for electronics when on Mrs Bard’s lap
There’s an analog Sat-Nav called a map!
© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Pavement Sheep!

Posted on June 14, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

I am always amazed at what you can buy from a home outlet store. Many of these shops overflow onto the pavement displaying such diversity as plants, plastic boxes, garden ornaments, gnomes and pavement sheep…

Walking along the pavement,
I couldn’t believe my eyes,
A sheep dog blocked my path,
And fixed me with his eyes!

Behind him stood two sheep,
No grass for them to graze,
They looked mighty hungry,
They hadn’t moved for days!

It was only then that I noticed,
As a farmer I was in shock,
They were all made of plastic,
The perfect townie flock!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Old Brown Hare!

Posted on June 10, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The night before the boot sale I went to check the state of the field after the heavy rain. I counted fourteen hares running about in the car park. One hare lay as still as a stone just watching…

An old brown hare lay in the grass,
As still as still can be,
And all the while without a smile,
Kept his eye on me,

I don’t know where his mate was,
In a grassy lair?
All I know is he watched me,
Wishing I weren’t there!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
replace (at) with @ to e-mail

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Animal Verse