Riding With The Pig!

Posted on March 28, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are sometimes when you wish away the number of candles on your cake. I don’t suppose there is a pre-school child on earth who isn’t fixated by Peppa Pig. This pretty porker that they all wish was their bestie, has won them over so conclusively that even grown-ups are sometimes smitten…

Pepper Pig and brother George,
are even seen in Cheddar Gorge!
Everywhere in our midst,
they bring enjoyment to pre-school kids!
I discovered with glee and pride,
a solitary supermarket ride!
Inserted a pound in the slot,
my age and size I completely forget.
Security arrived in a huff,
“OK Granddad that’s enough,
Can’t you see you’re rather big,
to hitch a ride with Pepper Pig!”

(In my dreams!) Unfortunately I would have to be extracted by the local fire-brigade. However a big ‘Thank You’ to Peppa’s creators for their genius. Go Peppa!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Tibetan Talking Terrier!

Posted on March 22, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Some time ago while leaving a local store I saw a small scruffy dog waiting for its human. What used to be a common sight of dogs awaiting their humans outside stores is quite rare now and so I had to record the moment. Little did I know that he was a very rare Tibetan Talking Terrier…

A little scruffy dog,
tied outside a store,
his human is inside,
waiting is a bore!

“I wonders what he’s buying,
some biscuits or some tea?
but there again I’m hoping,
it’s something just for me!”

“We live about a mile away,
don’t want to make a fuss,
my legs are only little,
I hope we take the bus!”

“My human’s here and carrying,
dog biscuits (and some Brie!),
I am overjoyed,
I knew he just loved me!”

Enjoy your day and remember to listen to your dog!

Oh Deer!

Posted on March 21, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I was flying my drone over a field of wheat to check on establishment when I came upon some grazing guests. They didn’t seem to take much notice of the buzzing machine above them but continued to munch on a tasty wheat lunch! It reminded me of a question asked by school children on a visit to the farm last year…

Some schoolchildren when visiting the farm,
asked a question without alarm:
“Mr Farmer?” when I was near,
“Can you tell who owns those deer?”
They thought that I was making fun,
when I told them “Not anyone!
they spend their days they always roam,
where they are they call their home!”
That explanation is complete,
except when they’re munching at my wheat!

…But I do love to see them, they are such graceful animals that it’s easy to forgive!

Mutual Benefits!

Posted on March 13, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s Monday morning, the weather is mild and dry and all is well in the kitchen! The three dogs have been out, saluted the morning and are now glued to the warm Aga. The puppy (who we hope will soon grow up) is sharing a bed with our pensioner. They seem to have bonded well…

Our boisterous puppy,
likes to be seen,
with our old dog,
who’s seventeen!
Unfortunately,
it looks and appears,
she ignores his wisdom,
from all those years!
She rushes around,
our fenced garden,
crashes into him,
never says ‘pardon!’
Though when she settles,
not on full throttle,
she makes an excellent,
hot water bottle!

Have a great week, see you again tomorrow!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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The Baldock Boot Sale
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is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
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Betty The Camel

Posted on March 8, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Recently my daughter, son in law and granddaughter visited a safari park. A camel approached their camper van. It soon became obvious that she was looking to escape as her questioning went from details about the interior to where they came from, how spacious were the seats and did they have a field and shelter at home? They ignored her pleas, smiled, and kept looking ahead despite her ever-increasing desperation…

Betty the camel has got the hump,
she has become a miserable frump.
Both her children are off her hands,
nobody cares nor understands.
Husband Frank is out to work,
to be quite honest he’s become a jerk,
monosyllabic and running to fat,
he can’t be bothered to remove his hat!
Mornings she spends drinking coffee,
bitching and moaning with her friend Lotte.
Afternoons until it gets dark,
she tries to escape the safari park.
Soon she’ll go home to make Frank’s tea,
then a bottle of wine and watch TV!
Her old mother used to say:
“Whatever you do there’s a bill to pay!”

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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The Baldock Boot Sale
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BACK AFTER EASTER
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48 Hours Drone Flying!

Posted on March 7, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I passed 48 hours flying time in my drone flight logbook. Surprisingly on my test flight yesterday (having updated the operating system), my normal ‘flight-mate’ Rodney the Red Kite was absent. However I think he’d passed on the responsibility as the drone was mocked by pigeons who took great delight in flying dangerously close…

It’s very satisfying,
having updated your drone,
you venture for a test flight,
and don’t crash it while at home!

You look for your flight-mate,
he’s nowhere to be seen,
he’s delegated some pigeons,
who fly like Steve McQueen!

How I didn’t hit them,
pluck them in the air,
dancing around the sky,
like feathered Fred Astaire!

Happy and safe drone flying out there!
A big thank-you to RUSTA for the excellent training which made me a safer flyer and enabled me to reach the hallowed turf of 48hrs flying time.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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The Dinosaur at the Cinema!

Posted on March 2, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning at breakfast my granddaughter and I were discussing dinosaurs (as one does!). Being unable to consider anything serious before at least ten o-clock, I began to feel that my additions to the discussion were not being valued. Her eyes rolled and comments like “be serious, that’s not true” and loud tutting echoed around the room…

Never sit behind a dinosaur at the cinema,
they block your view of the screen.
They slurp away at their bucket of drink,
and splatter you with ice cream!
They roar with disapproval at baddies,
sigh at the romantic slushy part,
suddenly a very rushed exit,
run out of time in the car park!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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The Baldock Boot Sale
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BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
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Tuesday Morning Panic!

Posted on February 28, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Tuesday mornings always involve some element of panic as Mrs Bard and I are responsible for a school run. Years ago when this was an everyday occurrence it posed no threat to order. However as now I’m fulfilling grandfatherly duties it spells panic as I rush around, although the hens on the farm don’t understand…

“There he goes a-rushing round,
don’t see his feet touch the ground,
if he were like us he’d know,
to take life gently as we go!
He’s let out the dogs, rushed up the drive,
very soon his charge will arrive.
The geese and we, wait patiently,
will we get breakfast? We’ll wait and see!”

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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Monday Morning Mess!

Posted on February 20, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Monday mornings always seem to come as a shock. Despite knowing for many hours that it was on its way it still surprises. In our case it doesn’t help that we have a naughty puppy that’s not a puppy anymore. All the food she inhails seems to turn to naughtiness in her stomach. Then when she is caught being bad she puts on ‘sorry’ display to rival that of a West-End actor…

Monday morning the kitchen’s a mess,
the puppy had gone berserk,
bed-stuffing was scattered all over the room,
and I had to get to work.
“Bad Puppy!” I whispered under my breath,
“Grrr, you are so bad!”
and then I gave her a biscuit,
my telling off made her look sad!
So on my hands and knees to tidy,
before coffee or cereal or toast,
and suddenly I had a lick on my nose,
it seems she loves me the most!

Enjoy your Monday, stay safe and happy out there!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
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BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
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The Luckiest Hare

Posted on February 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve always been fond of hares, they are such gently lolliping creatures. Ever since I avidly awaited the weekly comic ‘Harold Hare’ as a five-year-old, they have been my favorite wild animal. Up to this year we even had thirty acres of grass especially put aside for them to make a habitat. The other evening, by braking heavily, I just managed to avoid killing one on the road…

The luckiest hare in Hertfordshire,
had a nasty surprise,
he stepped off the roadside verge,
and couldn’t believe his eyes!
Bearing down upon him,
on my way back from the shops,
I only just avoided him,
his luck never stops!
He raced across the road,
towards the closed boot sale site,
he’s got an appointment at the opticians,
to check his poor eyesight

Unfortunately we are also plagued in this area with illegal hare coursers who seem hell-bent on wiping these gentle creatures out in the name of ‘sport and gambling’.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Animal Verse

Riding With The Pig!

The Tibetan Talking Terrier!

Oh Deer!

Mutual Benefits!

Betty The Camel

48 Hours Drone Flying!

The Dinosaur at the Cinema!

Tuesday Morning Panic!

Monday Morning Mess!

The Luckiest Hare