Category Archives: Animal Verse

Making A New Friend!

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Yesterday we had a family day out to celebrate daughter Siân’s birthday. Her daughter, Marsya decided we were to see dinosaurs, along with Monkey her constant companion. As everybody knows, the best place to do that is in the Natural History Museum in London. We came away with something we didn’t expect…

In a traffic jam in Knightsbridge,
Marsya’s Monkey let out a scream:
“There’s a dinosaur in the back seat,
the most frightening that I’ve seen!
What will we do if it starts to roar?
I’m off to hide upon the floor!”

By the time we were out of London,
Marsya’s Monkey had calmed down,
“What do you mean it’s pretend like me?”
he said with a quizzical frown.
Now this morning they are best friends,
(they come from the same gene pool,)
and in a Tesco bag for life…
…they’re both off to nursery school!

Have a great day and make a new friend out there (or just get in touch with an old one!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

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Shepherd’s Delight!

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Yesterday evening I watched with wonder as nature put on a wonderful light show. For some reason I thought of shepherds and their skills of forecasting weather. Sometimes it is simply impossible to improve on old sayings or verse by others, so this morning I shall repeat a verse by that famous poet, Anon:

Red sky at night,
shepherd’s delight,
Red sky in the morning,
shepherd’s warning,
Minced lamb and mashed potato,
shepherds pie!

Wishing all shepherds out there a very good morning, may your huts be cozy and your pie tasty! Thanks to Anon for the verse!

Baldock Bard

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
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BACK AFTER EASTER
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The Burrowing Puppy!

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When you have a puppy in the house you realise that there are over a million ways in which you can be surprised! From chewed shoes to missing clothes and surprises under the table. Our puppy has already gained a degree from the Open University in removing stuffing from dog beds and scattering it all over the kitchen floor. However that was nothing compared to what came next…

Having removed the stuffing from her bed,
our puppy decided to replace it instead…
…with her head!
Deftly she climbed in through the hole,
as if it were a grassy knoll…
…and she a mole!

Enjoy your day as we enjoy clearing up stuffing from every room!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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A Proper Farmer At Last!

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Many years ago when I worked on a dairy farm, the cowman, Sam, told me that on a ‘proper farm’, the cowman had the softest hands! Of course his idea of a ‘proper farm’ included animals and in particular cows. Every day he used udder cream on the cows udders and, by default, on his hands with remarkable results. This Christmas, a friend obviously thought I needed to pay some attention to my hands and gave me some Farmers Hand Cream, a chance to be a proper farmer…

Look closely at my farm,
no animals will you view,
just some arable acres,
Wheat, oats and beans too!
I’m now a proper farmer,
as I’ve got Farmers Hand Cream,
I’ll have the softest farmer hands,
in Twenty-Seventeen!

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year wherever in the world you may be.
Want to be a proper farmer? Pop along to www.welshlavender.com and your dream will come true (as did mine!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Innocent Puppy?

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Having relaxed after our guests left on Boxing Day, yesterday was a day of tidying up. Unfortunately our puppy had other ideas, yet when it came to shouldering responsibility, put on the sweetest angelic face and denied all knowledge of the mess…

Yesterday morning,
we started clearing up.
Would have been easier
without a naughty pup!
There was a large bag,
of torn wrapping paper,
scattered over the floor,
it did me no favour!
In the middle,
sat the pup:
“It wasn’t me,
I’ve just got up!”
The old dog sighed,
all he had to say:
“Wasn’t there room
On Santa’s sleigh?”

If you are still clearing up after a merry time and looking for a distraction, would you like some four-legged help?

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

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Oats 2 Go!

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oats2goYesterday morning we had an unexpected visitor to the farm. The mill that were expecting a load of oats on the 28th of this month rang to see if they could be collected earlier. This means that I can extend my holiday laziness for another few days after Christmas. I was so excited abut this prospect that I made a mess of loading the lorry…

Christmas holidays are almost here,
Santa Claus will appear,
I hope he isn’t in a rush,
what I need is a shovel and brush!
I loaded the lorry with such care,
didn’t want oats everywhere,
until the final bucket load,
I spilt them all across the road!
When the truck had left the farm,
I fetched the broom from the barn,
unfortunately it had bristles few,
I’d thought it would last ’till harvest new!
Then I heard a honking noise,
up came the geese, girls and boys!
much subdued, normally surly,
Santa, for them, had come early!

If I don’t see you before Sunday may I wish you a very happy Christmas. I hope Santa brings you all you desire and that you enjoy the day with those you love. BB

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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The Slow Goose-Step!

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geesesOur guard-geese are behaving strangely again! Yesterday they attempted to impede a friends progress down the drive, which she filmed and posted. A comment suggested that it was because they were in no hurry to get to the farm because of the impending Christmas. I would suggest it’s because they are old, tough and awkward…

Christmas is coming,
the geese don’t give a damn,
they know they’re too tough,
and we’ll be eating ham!
They hold up the traffic,
on the drive to the farm,
they’re on a goose go-slow,
no sense of alarm.
After Christmas,
they’ll still act loud and shirty,
thanking their god,
they’re geese and not turkey!

With thanks to Dolly’s mummy for the picture and inspiration!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Puppy Plumber!

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puppy-plumberThe other day I was attempting some amateur plumbing (or ‘Amateur Dramatics’ as Mrs Bard would say!). I realise I am getting old and tools have a habit of playing Hide and Seek, only to be discovered weeks or months later, but on this occasion tools were disappearing quicker than if someone had shouted ‘Fire!’…

I was on my back under the sink,
attempting to fit a new tap,
when all of a sudden tools went astray,
“Who on earth’s taken that?”

The spanner I’d used a minute before,
a wrench, washer and pipe,
all had completely gone from view,
with a cloth (handy to wipe!).

Then there came a yap from next door,
like a puppy laughing at me!
There in her bed lay my missing tools,
she looked as smug as a puppy could be!

Puppies can be fun but they can also interrupt your day in ways you could never imagine – you have been warned!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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New Dog Old Tricks!

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old-dogThey say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. What they never tell you is that an old dog excels in teaching a new dog old tricks! Our old terrier, Chip, is very old and takes great pleasure in watching our puppy misbehave…

Our old dog,
sits upon the furniture,
looking down his nose,
as the puppy runs around.
Our small puppy,
climbs upon the furniture,
she enjoys climbing,
chewing cushions that she’s found!
Our old dog,
smiles down from the furniture,
knowing that his naughtiness,
will always be around!
chip-pupGive your dog an extra treat today for being… your dog!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Dashing Deer!

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deer-jump-picThere are times when a picture isn’t worth a thousand words. The other day Mrs Bard and I were driving down a narrow country road when suddenly a deer leapt out from behind a hedge, and with no regard to the finer points of the Highway Code, ran across the road in front off the car. This was caught on the Dashcam but lacked any Hollywood action…

The Dashcam was ready to capture evidence,
when the deer jumped over the roadside fence,
all the action was ‘caught on card’
claiming for this would have been very hard!
The ‘other driver’ was uninsured,
would have sped off before getting bored,
A simple photo has somewhat masked it,
“What was that? Damn and Blast-it!”
But nothing happened no contact made,
So just a deer picture I’m afraid,
but much relief upon my part,
an un-injured deer did depart!

If you’re driving along a country road, please be aware that you might come across a dashing deer. Please stay safe out there.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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