The Saturday Alarm!

Posted on August 26, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning has been all go-go-go! The sheets and duvet ganged up on me and with the help of the alarm clock conspired to make me wake up half an hour late! Therefore the deadline to get down to the field in Baldock to open up the car boot sale had crept too close for comfort. However despite some minor setbacks I seem to have made it on time and thanks to the wonders of ‘Hotspot’ I’m writing these words ‘live’…

The clock in the car says six-eighteen,
I’m almost ready (or should have been),
if I don’t soon open the gate,
there’ll be a chorus of “Ooh, you’re late!”
So I can’t sit here chatting to you,
must get on – ‘Toodle-oo!”

I apologise for the lack of quality this morning, but needs must when the Devil drives. Have a great Bank Holiday Weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Early Morning Sky!

Posted on July 29, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It is strange how some mornings the weather forecast leads to expectations which then don’t materialise. I was expecting pouring rain at 04:30 this morning. I had convinced myself that the early alarm call would be wasted and instead of running my car boot sale, I’d be able to slope off back to the confines of the warm duvet! The sky told a different tale…

I love the early morning sky,
it fascinates me, heaven knows why!
It holds such promise in many ways,
a glimpse of future happy days!
The forecasters promised heavy rain,
a wash-out boot sale, what a pain,
opening the curtains I look out and see,
a wonderful sight facing me!
Hardly a cloud stains the view,
everything is dry, the morning new,
and I can’t slope back off to bed,
but face a dry sunny day instead!

Whatever you’re up to today and wherever in the world you find yourselves, may you enjoy your day and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Little Fella!

Posted on July 19, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve see some strange purchases at the car boot sale over the years. Sometimes I even manage to record it for posterity! Looking through some archive photos I discovered a photo of a little chap being carted off to a new pond…

A gnome was at the bootsale,
just mooching around,
when someone caught his hat,
lifted him clean off the ground!

“How much for the little chap?
he really is quite cute,
I’ve a place in my garden,
I think that he would suit!”

“Put me down you brigand,
I’m being kidnapped from this stall,
He’s taking advantage,
because I’m not that tall!”

“Hush now fella don’t complain
I’m not as cruel as it appears,
I could have picked you up
and carted you by your ears!”

If you’re off pushing your wheelbarrow today I hope nobody picks you up by your hat!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Dawn Shopping!

Posted on July 15, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I did something this morning that previous generations of my family would have found unfathomable! I walked into our local supermarket just after 4:30am! Yes, I went shopping at silly-o-clock! I had forgotten to pick up any milk last night and so I joined the insomniacs and shelf-stackers in the early light of dawn…

I walked into the store,
just after 4:30,
cars parked up,
about only thirty!
I wanted milk,
nothing more,
was able to park,
close to the door.
No queues for the tills,
just serve-yourself,
with my bottle of milk,
fresh from the shelf.
Return roads quiet,
no vapour trail,
just cars lined up,
for my car boot sale!

Have a great day and don’t forget the milk!
(Real farmers get their milk straight from the cow, I have to dawn-raid the supermarket!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
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“Got Any Military?”

Posted on July 11, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Ever since I started running a Saturday car boot sale I became aware of a select group of early-morning buyers who trawl the stalls for specialist collectables. Some collect records (or Vinyls as they are now known!), some search for gold and some are simply looking for that obscure Lalique vase or similar! However there is also John! I would think that he is coming up to having repeated the phrase “Got and Military?” nearly 40,000 times…

Saturdays wouldn’t be the same,
without “Got any military?”
up and down the rows he goes,
the height of civility!
Sometimes you’ll see him,
on his way back to his car,
a rusty helmet in his hands,
or pictured Churchill with cigar!
Sometimes sellers try to fool him,
with an Action Man and Jeep!
but he just smiles and says,
“I’ll see you all next week!”
To all our wonderful buyers, without you, sellers wouldn’t come and the field would be empty!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Inconvenient Customer!

Posted on July 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Anyone who provides conveniences for customers will know what I mean by ‘Inconvenient Customers’. At my Saturday car boot sales I’m proud of the level of praise our portable toilets receive. Hardly a week goes by without a compliment like: “your loos are so much cleaner than that at that *other* car boot sale!” Last Saturday, for the first time in 25 years a customer let me down…

I’d love to meet the customer,
who left my loos in such a mess,
I wish you’d come and told me,
manned up and just confess.
You left it oh so filthy,
I had to lock the door,
later cover myself in overalls,
and steam-clean the filthy floor!
You’d better see your doctor,
that is if you can still walk,
failing that you may consider,
investing in a cork!

With many thanks to the nice people at Toilets+ who service the loos every week, a necessary but unpleasant job.
Want help cleaning the portable loos after a festival or large public event? Don’t bother calling me, I have been there and it’s not a pretty place!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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‘Bunny Ears’

Posted on June 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I like dogs, I also like most dog owners, however there is a variety of dog owner that I detest. At the Saturday car boot sale that I run, both dogs and their owners are welcome, however every week when we are clearing up the litter, we come across little black bags with ‘bunny ears’…

If you walk in the countryside,
with your favourite dog,
just be aware,
when it leaves behind a ‘log’.
Some owners scoop it up,
and tie those ‘Bunny Ears’
then throw it in a hedge,
where it’ll remain for many years.
So next time in the countryside,
you and your best friend roam,
by all means bag up the poo,
but please just take it home!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Bard-I-Net!

Posted on June 12, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Down at my Saturday car boot sale people are always very generous. Over the twenty-five years that I’ve been running it, I’ve been given many gifts, however none quite so aptly named as the one from friend Eric last Saturday…

At the boot sale on Saturday,
Eric gave me a gift,
one that was unlikely
to cause any rift!
“I’ve got you a small present,
a plastic bottle of drink,
it’s name is quite apt,
tell me what you think!
Some mornings your verse,
could do with support,
drink when you’re writing,
may help with your thought!”

Thanks Eric! I’ll bear that in mind! Have a great Monday, may you all stay well and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Age Before Youth!

Posted on June 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Over ten years ago Mrs Bard picked a kitchen clock out of the rubbish at the Saturday car boot sale I organise. She put in a new battery and since then it has kept perfect time as it is controlled by a radio signal from Rugby. Yesterday it failed. I put in a new battery to no avail, it was time to wave goodbye…

The old kitchen clock has run out of time,
it’s days in the house are through,
I gave up trying to restart the hands,
“no more can we rely on you!”
I replaced it back upon the wall,
until a replacement found,
and on the internet we did trawl,
for a clock with a wood surround.
The new replacement ordered,
the old clock whirred once more,
and suddenly both hands stopped in place,
Perfect time at ten to four!

So the threat of the dustbin works as a repair mechanism!
Old free clock kicks new £45 clock’s butt! For once age beats youth!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Saturday Weather Gods!

Posted on June 3, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Running any outdoor event in the UK is at the mercy of the weather. Last week, just at the wrong time for my Saturday car boot sale, the heavens opened and we had a very heavy thunderstorm. I have never seen rain as heavy during a sale in the twenty-five years it’s been running. I must have angered the Weather Gods…

The God’s in heaven had a meeting,
“How can we punish him today?
He has been very demanding,
for fine weather on his knees he pray!
He wants fine weather on a Saturday,
so he can host a good boot sale,
every so often we have to punish him,
so as a human he knows how to fail!
Lets move around some furniture,
lightening to make a loud ‘crack’,
a heavy shower with a watering can,
for the boot sale – that’ll be that.”

They reckoned without my customers,
made of sterner stuff they are,
simply took temporary shelter,
by hiding away in the car!
Then the sun came out smiling,
the sale continued as before,
“Drat” said the Gods in their heaven,
“We’ll punish him in the future for sure!”

Whatever you are doing today I hope you stay healthy, lucky and safe. See you the other side of the weekend. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Car Boot Sale Verse

The Saturday Alarm!

The Early Morning Sky!

The Little Fella!

Dawn Shopping!

“Got Any Military?”

The Inconvenient Customer!

‘Bunny Ears’

Bard-I-Net!

Age Before Youth!

The Saturday Weather Gods!