Mrs Wallet and The Boot Sale… a true(ish) story

Posted on September 13, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

A few weeks ago a couple handed in a wallet at the car boot sale. Inside was some money, cards, driving licence and credit cards, everything needed for modern daily life. I tried in vain to get one of the card suppliers to contact the lady who had lost the card, I even tried the roadside recovery organisation, all to no avail. Later on, the wallet and the lady were re-united. I wrote this to thank the couple who handed the wallet in…

Once upon a time, a small dark-blue wallet called ‘Mrs Wallet’ lived with her human in a small village in Bedfordshire. She had a very important job. It was her duty to look after everything her human needed when she went shopping: credit cards, drivers licence, road rescue card and of course money! She took this responsibility very seriously and was happy in her work. So happy was she that that every time her human opened her up, her Velcro strip sang with pleasure!

One Saturday morning, Mrs Wallet’s human said, “We’re off to a boot sale!” Mrs Wallet froze with terror. Was it not a fortnight ago that a purse she had met in the supermarket had told her that car boot sales were full of ‘pirates, brigands and cut-throats’, that stole purses and wallets, emptied their contents and abandoned them in skips, litter bins or on the side of the road!

Mrs Wallet and her human arrived in a field just outside Baldock, the sun was shining, the grass was green and the sky was blue. They parked the car and walked into the selling area. It didn’t look like a field full of pirates, brigands and cut-throats. Everyone there, whether behind a table full of exciting things or walking about shopping, looked very normal. In fact Mrs Wallet thought they looked as normal as in the supermarket or any other shop she’d ever visited.

Mrs Wallet’s human seemed to be enjoying herself; she chatted to stallholders, had a cup of tea at the burger van and bought an ornament (which wasn’t to Mrs Wallet’s taste) to go on the windowsill in the kitchen. Mrs Wallet was happy, her Velcro sang with joy.
They were just about to leave for home when Mrs Wallet’s human noticed a china doll on a stall next to the exit. Mrs Wallet was put down onto the pasting table next to a rather scruffy bear while the doll was examined. Mrs Wallet didn’t like the doll, her human had too many already and all they did was collect dust in the old chair by the front door. She heaved a sigh of relief when her human put down the doll, told the seller that it wasn’t quite what she wanted, and walked away towards the exit.

Mrs Wallet tried to scream but her Velcro mouth was stuck solid. She’d been left behind, abandoned and forgotten. She looked around. All the humans looked like pirates, brigands and cut-throats! Little old ladies had knives hidden in their knitting bags, old men brandished walking sticks that were swords in disguise and wasn’t that child’s water pistol full of acid? She was terrified.

A hand picked her up. “That lady left her wallet behind,” a pirate’s voice rang out. Another voice, this time not unlike her human said, “We could take it to the Organiser?” The lady, whose hands were soft, picked her up and Mrs Wallet felt a little safer. However her terror returned as she saw that she was being taken to a terrifying old man dressed in a fluorescent jacket. She was being delivered into the hands of the Pirate Captain!
A rough hand tore open her Velcro, she felt cards being removed. This was it, this is what the purse in the supermarket had warned her about. The next stop for her was a skip, litter bin or roadside verge.

She heard the Pirate Captain speaking on the phone, “Yes, I know you’re roadside assistance, but could you contact this lady and tell her she left her wallet at the bootsale?” and “Yes, I realize it’s not my credit card. No, I don’t want to cancel it, it’s not mine to cancel, could you just let the lady know that she’s left it at the bootsale?” The pirate then said a word that made Mrs Wallet blush and she was forced into the dark glovebox of his pirate-mobile.

Some minutes later she heard a muffled phone ring and the pirate’s gruff voice: “Yes,” she heard him say, “a couple handed it in, we’ll see you soon.” Mrs Wallet hardly dared believe what she was hearing, was her human going to rescue her? Sometime later, sunlight streamed into her glovebox of captivity. The rough Pirate Captain’s hand reached in and grabbed her, and handed her over… to her human! She was so happy that her Velcro sung with joy again.

She would never listen to what a purse told her ever again and she’d always enjoy coming to the Baldock Car Boot Sale where most people were helpful, kind and honest, with very few pirates, brigands and cut-throats!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Ra…Ra…Mitsubishi!

Posted on September 1, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I have lost count of the number of cars I’ve had to jump-start at the Saturday car boot sale. This is mainly because of lights or radio left on, draining the power leaving the car immobile by leaving time. Last Saturday everyone had gone, I’d picked up the litter, returned to my trusty Mitsubishi and it grumbled: “Ra..Ra…Ra….Ra…..Ra……Ra!” Then silence. It has spent Sunday being charged. An eagle-eyed visitor asked if I’d suddenly gone green and bought an electric car…

‘Physician heal thyself’
Is how I felt Saturday,
I was left stranded in the field,
Everyone had driven away!
I asked ‘upstairs’ for Devine Help,
But alas ‘He’ was looking elsewhere,
I hurt my big toe kicking the wheel,
Which made me just howl and swear!

I rang home with a simple request,
Seeing that I was stuck,
And my wife appeared to save me,
T’was was a stroke of luck!
So now I’m off to buy a new battery,
Hoping the new one’s not flat,
And so for the foreseeable future,
At the bootsale I won’t be sat!

The Reluctant Riser!

Posted on August 23, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I wanted to turn off the alarm, turn over and go back to sleep. It has been a busy fortnight harvesting and cultivating and my get-up-and-go was lying broken under the warm duvet. I lay there, realised that a couple of thousand people are relying on me to open two green gates and leapt out of bed…

Five-past five Saturday morning,
I stretch out my arm,
and attempt to curtail,
the bleedin’ alarm.
Still sleeping peacefully,
two dogs and my wife,
I want to turn over,
Continue dream life!

Dream life is peaceful,
Dream life is calm,
but dream life is stolen,
by the alarm.
In dream life you’re perfect,
incredibly wealthy,
in real life more important,
to be fit and healthy!

So up with the lark,
It’s dawn anyway,
out to the world,
To salute a new day!
New people to meet,
Some dark and some pale,
Laughter and fun,
at the Baldock Boot Sale.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Posted on August 4, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve had a serious complaint about the car boot sales that I run on a Saturday morning. Apparently a man is very unhappy that he turned up on Saturday at around 10am and most stalls had either gone or were packing up. He’s not half as miffed as I am! Almost every other Saturday this season has been wet or showery, will the person who insists on treading on every spider he comes across please desist…

Every other Saturday at the car boot sale,
This summer weather rains without fail.
I’m beginning to think it’s something I’ve done,
It’s my fault we’ve had no sun!
Then I realize it’s not just me,
And unfortunately that’s how it be!
Without the rain that we’ve seen,
All would be brown instead of green.
The reservoirs would be empty and wan,
Resulting in a hosepipe ban!

Another Wet Saturday Morning in Baldock!

Posted on July 19, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s always difficult to know whether to open the bootsale when the forecast is bad. What if they are wrong and it ends up as a sunny morning? What if I open and everyone’s goods get wet? Will the buyers come? I’m wrong if I do…

I’m wrong if I open and wrong if I don’t,
What if they come or what if they won’t?
I’ll open the gates and to hell with the rain,
It’s now falling hard will they come back again?
The sky over Baldock is black with clouds white,
Some folk are wrong when others are right!
Most customers have gone and here comes the sun,
I wore my new T Shirt and the colours have run.
So it’s back to the farm and the end of the rhyme,
You can’t please all people all of the time!

Two young ladies from the TV production company betty, turned up at the Baldock Bootsale this morning. They are looking for people to appear in the third series of the hit TV show ‘Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners’. If you think you fit the bill and would like to appear, get in touch with them on 02079070892 or e-mail clean@betty.co.uk

Keeping Trim with Mr McConnell

Posted on May 17, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

With the warm wet weather we’ve been having of late the grass is growing like… well, grass! Missing a weeks mowing means more time next week. Many have asked how we keep our large car boot sale field so wonderfully trim. We have a secret weapon, enter stage left Mr McConnell…

Mr McConnell has bat wings,
Mows grass for a living,
People ask what he does,
He’s so very willing!
On arrival at the field,
He gently spreads his wings,
And with help from the tractor,
Starts off mowing things!
Up and down the field he goes,
In his wake the grass surrenders,
And very soon off home he goes,
To relax in front of Eastenders!
It may look to the trained eye that Mr McConnell has left some grass un-mowed. This is done on purpose to aid the sellers to park their vehicles in a nice straight line. Mr McConnell doesn’t mind this as he likes nice straight lines (and a glass of cool beer on a hot day after hours of mowing!).

Will They Come?

Posted on May 3, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you remember the old film starring Kevin Costner as a farmer who builds a baseball stadium in the middle of a field of maize (corn in the US)? He seemed to spend much time wandering about, not actually building his dream but listening to a voice in his head saying: “They will come!” I know how he felt. Every Saturday before the car boot sale a little voice whispers to me “Will they come?” Last week it poured with rain and some came but we couldn’t open, so questions and doubts abound this morning. However it is now out of my hands and all I need when I drive over the hill for the 536^th Saturday and see a queue of cars and vans is to say: “They have come!”…

It’s five-fifteen,
On a bright frosty morning,
I look outside,
The weather out there looks fine!
All’s in place,
There’s nothing else to do now,
Apart from wait,
And check the adverts published online!

So in an hour,
I’ll leave the house,
Go down the road,
See the queue,
Prepare the loos,
Open the gates,
And hopefully say…
“They have come!”
And they came! (updated later pictured at 10am)

The Cleanest Tractor in Town! (doing a dirty job)

Posted on April 26, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

John polished our JCB the other day. I can foresee trouble ahead as I’m having to use it to tow the loos to the car boot sale. My Mitsubishi is poorly and in bed on doctors orders. So I’m having to tread carefully…

We’ve got the cleanest tractor in town,
It gleams more than any around.
But it’s sulking, a real wailer,
as it’s towing the car boot loo-trailer!
Because my Mitsubishi is ill,
I’m using it to tow the loos down the hill.
As it hits the early-morning road,
It will try to ditch this insulting load,
and head off to a land far away,
where all lucky tractors go to play!
And frolicking in Utopia you’ll see,
one very happy JCB!

The Plastic Hammer!

Posted on April 24, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Our twenty-second season of car boot sales starts on Saturday. The days leading up to the first one seem to be much shorter than in a normal week. As I get (much) older I need to rely on more help to prepare, many hands make light work…

Granddaughter has joined the team,
to prepare for the car boot sale,
she helps put up the new roadside sign,
despite Granddad looking pale,
when she picks up a hammer,
and swings it around her head,
causing a Health and Safety panic,
which is better left unsaid!
The new sign is finally erected,
for all who pass to see,
and the gang who are getting ready,
go off home for tea!
(or milk and biscuits and to play with plastic hammer like Granddad!)

FYI: At all times the child mentioned here was supervised by seventeen carefully trained specialists (out of shot) in the art of using a hammer and no animals were harmed in the production of this verse. Serving Suggestion Only.

FYI2: There are some companies that go that extra mile for their customers. Poster Pidgeon (who printed our new signs) is a great find. For someone like me who struggles with sizes and puzzles over pixels, they are a godsend.
Thank you Posterpigeon! They can be found at: Posterpigeon.co.uk

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The End of Term at the Boot Sale!

Posted on October 19, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

For the last twenty-one years the last Saturday of the car boot sale season has felt like the end of term at a school. Like a school we shall have leavers who we won’t see again and next ‘term’ we shall enjoy meeting new customers. In this business the main asset are the people. Someone once said to me, “you take it too personally!” Damn right I do it’s personal…

It’s the end of term at the bootsale,
One last chance to buy or to sell,
Because next week it’ll be empty,
No buyers will be here as well!

It’s the end of term at the bootsale,
The stalls will be packed away,
Boxes returned to the garage
To see daylight some other day!

It’s the end of term at the bootsale,
The field will soon be clear.
The people will all have parted,
“Goodbye! We’ll see you next year!”

It’s the end of term at the bootsale,
The animals will wonder what’s wrong,
The hares will say to each other,
“I wonder where they have all gone?”

It’s the end of term at the bootsale,
Farmer Giles closes the gate,
Next week he’ll enjoy a lie-in,
No more chance that he will be late!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open at 7am
This morning for the last time until April 26^th 2014
When we’ll reopen for our Twenty-second season!!
Still with FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
‘We’ll see you there!”

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Car Boot Sale Verse