Pirates Ahoy! Shiver Me Timbers Crackle Me Toes!

Posted on September 19, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

A confused trainee-pirate at the car boot sale with a carrot on her shoulder!

Anyone talking to me today will possibly be confused (particularly if they are from a call centre attempting to sell me anything apart from a pistol or a gangplank!) Every year on this day millions of people around the world celebrate those fun-loving rogues of the sea…

It’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day,
Just when you thought it was safe to play,
Everyone around you says, “ooh-aaaaah!”
Whether they’re in the street or you’re in your car!

“Shiver me timbers!” They all shout,
While putting the Admiralty soldiers to rout!
‘Walk the plank’ doesn’t sound so good,
When said at Tesco’s in Boreham Wood.

I’ve searched for treasure on the map,
Didn’t half look silly at Watford Gap!
I was looking for a chest-type thing,
The only treasure I found was in Burger King!

I went to the cafeteria in search of victuals,
Apparently my sword broke all the rules!
“That’s a hornpipe in your pocket?” cashier to me,
“Or you’re just extremely pleased to see!

If your morning starts with real dense fog,
“Aaaah! Last night! – Too much grog!
So “Ahoy me beauty!” you must say,
For today’s ‘Talk Like a Pirate Day’!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
Twenty-one years and still selling!
FREE parking and entry for all buyers, princesses, dogs and aliens!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Pen-Stealing Fairies!

Posted on September 16, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Some years ago a local car dealer told me how a simple pen had sold a car. Apparently a couple had picked up a pen with his dealership details at a hotel in the Lake District. They had returned from holiday to their home in Scotland. The following year they called in to his showroom on their way to a holiday in France and bought a car (which they collected on the way home). Armed with an example of the power of pen-vertising, I followed his example…

Those naughty pen-stealing fairies,
Have gone and struck again,
I can’t find a single one,
With which to sign my name!

I once bought a thousand,
Embossed for the car boot sale,
I thought my cunning plan,
Would never ever fail!

I gave them to the sellers,
I gave one to the vet,
Hoping it was unlikely,
The sales they should forget!

I discovered recently,
I’m really quite bereft,
That after all this time,
I have only one pen left!

Where the fairies hide them,
I only wish I knew,
But while they’re hiding mine,
They’re not bothering you!

Apologising for Weather!

Posted on September 14, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Last night I popped down to Baldock to see the damage the heavy rain had caused at the boot sale field. In the dark there was a sizeable lake by the entrance. I continued on to the town and consoled myself with a takeaway! The streets looked as if they’d been paved with marble… very wet marble! This morning it’s up at the crack of a very wet dawn to console customers who arrive at the gates in the rain and discover an abandoned boat sale!…

It’s raining cats and dogs,
And little bright green frogs,
Why can’t it rain mid-week,
Less havoc could it wreak!

It’s been raining all night long,
That’s typical and so wrong,
I’ll be termed a fail,
That there’ll be no boot sale!

The ducks and geese are happy,
Their feet go flippy-flappy!
All across the ground,
There are new ponds to be found!

So I am off in the dark,
By the car boot gates to park,
And spend the next two hours,
Apologising for showers!

Come Dine With Gordana!

Posted on September 10, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Over the years, the car boot sale has attracted all sorts of visitors. It has seen its fair share of artists. They can be found either looking for inspiration from the beautiful gently rolling hills or choosing materials from the array of different stalls. One such artist is Gordana from Stevenage…

Gordana’s an artist you see,
Been a regular since ’93.
She’s sunflower mad,
That can’t be all bad,
Sounds perfectly fine to me!

She lives beside the A1,
In the ‘Sunflower House’, what fun!
Tonight famous she’ll be,
On ‘Come Dine With Me!’
Will she win the large tray’d cash sum?

Watch Gordana on Channel Four’s Come Dine With Me, this evening, September 11^th at 5pm.

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

Two Very Different Displays!

Posted on September 9, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Sellers at the boot sale have many different styles of display. Some ‘Chuck-it and Luck-it’ and others take so much time over an immaculate display that you wonder if they’ll get it done before the end of the sale! This week we had two great examples, both successful in their own way. I’ll leave it up to you to choose…

They’re as keen as mustard at the boot sale,
Someone’s turned up with a truck,
Buyers all over him like house-flies,
He just can’t believe all his luck!
“How much is this?” they’re all shouting,
“What do you want for that?”
I enquire if he wants some assistance,
He shrugs and continues to chat!
Over in the corner a couple,
Have erected a screen for the wind,
They’re carefully placing possessions,
When hurry is suggested they grinned!
A crowd gathered by to watch them,
There was even a space for a broom!
When they finished the crowd applauded,
On the field they’d created a room!

The Litter Picker!

Posted on July 29, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Some have voiced surprise when they see me wearing my ‘Jack of All Trades’ hat at the car boot sales. Some have even said: “Aren’t you the one who showed me where to park, took my money and serviced the loos?” I have been known in the past to suggest that my evil twin collected the money! By the time I pick up the litter, everyone has gone. It’s like having a party: Everyone is keen beforehand and too many cooks are busy spoiling the broth. Come tidying up time they seem to have done a Houdini and you’re on your own. It is the time of day when energy is truly sapped and batteries need recharging…

I’m not a litter picker,
I’m a litter picker’s mate.
I’m always picking litter,
Even when the Bootsale’s late!
So if you see me picking,
And you feel you can’t relate,
Just shout, “Hello Litter Picker!”
And head off for the gate!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

A Farmer Went to Mow (without his dog)!

Posted on June 6, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

One question I’m constantly being asked is, “How do you keep the grass at the boot sale looking so good?” I’m afraid it has little to do with magic or skill, we simply have a large ‘bat-wing’ mower that fits onto our JCB Fastrac tractor. The pitches are then marked out using a small John Deere ride-on. No fairy dust or magic, just two clever machines, sorry to spoil your illusions…

A farmer went to mow,
Went to mow a boot sale,
With JCB and mower- see!
Went to mow the boot sale.
His son-in-law went to mow,
Went to mow the pitches,
With a ride on mower to cut grass lower,
Went to mow the pitches!
You could all come and mow,
Come to mow a meadow!
You will see that it’s easy!
Come and mow a meadow!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Daffodil, Goodbye and Thank You!

Posted on May 4, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s Bank Holiday time again! Picnic rugs are being dusted down, barbecues fetched from the far reaches of the garage and Ice-cream van jingles are being heard again after a long winter. I always am sorry to see the demise of the daffodil, it has lightened our lives during that no-mans land of winter/spring and deserves more recognition. Alas it is soon forgotten by events until it comes to our rescue again next year…

The daffodils are nearly done
A sign of spring receding
It’s time to mow the lawns each week,
the borders, they need weeding.

But what is this to cloud the mind?
First Bank Holiday Monday!
We’ll have to take the kids somewhere,
Not gardening but a funday!

Oh dear they say the traffic’s bad,
Miles and miles of queues,
The weather may be bad as well,
Not good for lambs and ewes!

I hope you enjoy your weekend,
May your outside cooking not fail,
And maybe I’ll be seeing you,
At our Saturday car boot sale!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Granddaughter at the Boot Sale!

Posted on May 3, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

If anyone had suggested in 1992 that I’d still be running a car boot sale twenty-one years later, I’d have suggested they sought medical advice! Had they said that I’d be seen carrying a granddaughter around, I would have suggested they were delusional and needed stronger tablets! However that’s exactly what has happened…

I took Granddaughter to the Boot Sale,
She gurgled quite a lot,
Some of the sellers were gob-smacked,
Thought I’d lost the plot!
She said “Buvvv” to everyone,
Hid her modesty behind large shades,
Only bought one thing, a picture,
Alligators in the Everglades!
She turned down a burger,
No sweets did she pick!
And kept my guilty secret,
Breakfast in French stick!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Remembering Bill!

Posted on April 27, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

As with any occupation, customers come and customers go. Car boot sales are no different. Some years ago we had a regular seller called Bill, who along with his wife, used to come every Saturday and sell plants. About nine years ago he retired, sold his house and business in the Fens and moved abroad. They were a lovely couple and we had many laughs over the course of the time they spent with us. I was reminded of him yesterday when I came across a drawing he’d done for me. One Saturday, about fifteen years ago, I was clearing up after the sale, hitched up the loos and started to drive off. A man came rushing up waving his arms, shouting: “Stop! Stop! My wife’s in there!” Bill found this very amusing and the following week presented me with the picture above, complete with a rhyme. If you see this Bill, thanks for the memory…

Oh dear!
What can the matter be?
One old dear,
got locked in a lavatory!
She was there,
from Saturday to Saturday!
Nobody knew she was there!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Car Boot Sale Verse

Pirates Ahoy! Shiver Me Timbers Crackle Me Toes!

The Pen-Stealing Fairies!

Apologising for Weather!

Come Dine With Gordana!

Two Very Different Displays!

The Litter Picker!

A Farmer Went to Mow (without his dog)!

Daffodil, Goodbye and Thank You!

Granddaughter at the Boot Sale!

Remembering Bill!