Some years ago a neighbour bought some cattle from Banbury Market. Unfortunately he knew little about cows. The selection of cattle he purchased were (without being at all rude to him) a rag-tag bunch of misfits that were ‘bargain basement bovines’. When they came off the lorry, they saw a large field of grass; bucked, farted, and galloped off to test the fences. Unfortunately the security afforded by the fences was low-grade and they just ploughed on through. In the growing darkness my neighbour learnt how to chase cattle. I wrote this for him and I now think enough years have passed for the verse to become public!

You’re not a real farmer
’till you’ve been chasing cattle
You’re not a real farmer
’till you’ve fenced in the dark
You’re not a real farmer
’till you’ve looked up in anger
and wondered why Noah
put COWS in the Ark!

© Baldock Bard