The Beer Guardian!

Posted on September 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

We have a puppy that’s not a puppy anymore! Because of her size and deceiving angelic looks, people naturally think she’s a puppy and say “Aaaaaah! How cute!” This is unfortunately wrong on many levels as she excels in naughtiness. If she were to sit ‘A’ Level in Naughtiness she’d be assured an A* and a place at the university of her choice. This weekend she decided to guard a bottle of beer and challenge anyone to remove it…

Mati sits guarding a bottle of beer,
“It’s mine so go get your own!”
and then with a growl
and a contorted scowl,
enough to frighten St Joan!

Later we manage to wrestle it back,
from where she lies on her grassy knoll,
by underhand tricks
and ‘Best Doggie Mix’,
and the clatter of her supper bowl!

Bribery, corruption and a promise of food – a winning canine combination!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Droning on at the Boot Sale!

Posted on September 4, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last Saturday in unusually glorious weather, I overflew the car boot sale with my trusty Mavic Pro drone (following the regulations to the letter of course as my licence is more precious to me that a good photo). Afterwards I received varied comments from “Playing with your toy again I see!” to “You checking up on us from a different angle!”. I struggled to explain that I use it mostly for work and so gave up and agreed that it was great fun as well as being useful (it also helped that it was sunny and the field was full)…

Saturday, September the second,
summer has reached us at last,
Farmer Giles has his drone in the sky,
if it crashes he’ll say “Damn and blast!”

A few sellers have noticed,
they point to this thing in the sky,
others approach with a question,
“Tell me: What or Where or Why?”

Then come out the stories,
“A mate once had one of those,
it chased his girlfriend round the garden,
until she tripped and fell on her nose!”

“There’s one came over our house,
it won’t be coming no more,
I scored a direct hit with the hosepipe,
it came down on the roof next door!”

I did a perfect landing in the car-park,
away from all bar me,
“I wanted you to crash it!”
a seller said with great glee!

“You call yourself a pilot,
I have no wish to be rude,
but you ain’t a proper live pilot,
‘cos there’s no stewardess serving food!”

Have a great day and if you’re going flying make sure there is a drink and food available and stay safe!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Wheat Gone!

Posted on September 2, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I rounded up the remaining wheat into a manageable heap, swept the floor and waited for the lorry to take it away. It’s always a gamble when you have a ‘clear-up load’ as to how much there is in the heap. This time I knew I was going to pay a penalty for a half-empty lorry. In the end it went away with a load of ten tons rather than it’s maximum of twenty-nine. All that was left was to get ready for the next crop to go…

The last of the wheat has left the farm,
leaving me with an empty barn,
Once the lorry has gone down the road,
it’s engine thankful it’s a third of a load,
I can relax once more there’s no more rush,
and sweep again with the purple barn brush!
Have a great weekend, we’ll see you on the other side!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

A Peaceful Picture!

Posted on September 1, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I decided to have another half an hour in bed. Normally I dash out of bed, rush downstairs, do my diabetes blood test and get some hurried breakfast before getting on with my manic day. Suddenly I remembered a photo series I’d taken many years ago of our village, one of which showed a lone rambler walking down our main street. By some miracle I managed to find it and it still portrayed the sense of calm that I remembered…

A rambler walked through our village,
12th of May 2004,
I said a cheery ‘Good afternoon’,
as I’d not seen him before!
He just kept on walking,
perhaps he did not care,
perhaps he was in another time,
and to him I was not there!

I wish you all a peaceful and relaxed Friday

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

When Giants Meet!

Posted on August 25, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I never know what my topic is going to be from day to day. In fact for the last two days there has been no topic as I’ve been busy catching up on post-harvest paperwork. Driving on a small country road last night, today’s topic pulled out in front of me from a farmer’s field, or rather provided a topic when it met a same-species but distant cousin further down the road…

Two giants met on a country road,
on their travels from field to field.
One politely said “After you my dear!”
the other said “No, I shall yield!”
The hedge on one side seemed perilously close,
the ditch seemed rather deep,
both drivers waved from their high up cabs,
one let out a rather shrill ‘peep!’
Further along I followed Ms Yellow,
Ms Green had gone off to harvest some wheat,
“Do you think my backside looks rather big?”
I replied, “it looks rather complete!”
Then all of a sudden she turned off the road,
strode up a longish farm track,
“Goodbye and Good Luck,” I shouted,
but alas all I saw was her back!
If you come across giants today, smile sweetly and they’ll continue on their way!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Harvest Home!

Posted on August 21, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last Saturday night at 8:59pm we finished harvest. Harvest 2017 is now consigned to our history as one where we rode our luck and came out the other side relatively unscathed. My faithful Mavic-Pro drone recorded the last harvesting moments, little did I know then that my daughter had taken over driving the combine (under instruction)…

No more beans to harvest in the field,
no more loads to help the yield,
no more bindweed seed in the barn,
no more watching the sky with alarm!
no more listening for the home-coming trailer,
no more “sounds like here comes the baler!”
no more dust masks making sweaty face,
no more dirt lines in the bath to trace!
no more postponed meals at night,
no more worrying if the quality’s right,
no more calls from the combine driver’s phone
We can now say “Harvest is home!”
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Storm Clouds Gathering!

Posted on August 19, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening as we were harvesting beans, storm clouds were gathering on the horizon in an attempt to halt our progress. We knew we had been so lucky with the weather this harvest and thought our luck would not hold yet again. So we awaited the cloud’s wrath…

With an almost Gallic shrug of the shoulders,
we shouted “Show us your worst!”
and continued harvesting beans,
awaiting an inevitable cloud-burst!
When it came it was quite pathetic,
a dampening outside the grain store,
hardly a drop down the field,
we had been expecting much more!
So onward we continued to combine,
until we were ready to go home,
the storm had gone away round us,
for all we cared down to Rome!

…then just as we were standing in the shed having a post-harvest beer (to wash the dust down, you understand!) the heavens opened! With such luck I should have chosen lottery numbers!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Burial Ground

Posted on August 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Sometimes you see something so often that you don’t notice it any more! In my world this mostly applies to drains that go on a list to clear and are only noticed when it has rained and there is a large lake. However it also applies to fields! When looking at a crop of beans by drone the other day to judge how much weed there was, I was reminded of the field’s history and why it’s called ‘The Burial Ground’…

Our village, 35 miles north of London, was the most northerly outpost of the London Garrison of the Roman Army. Being as far from the centre as possible, they used it for their disaffected and troublesome troops and their containment zone for those suffering from disease. These poor souls were often North Africans, brought over here as part of the Romans ‘Divide and Conquer’ regime (whereby those captured were sent to other colonies far removed from their home land).
I often imagine how these foreigners must have felt: removed from their temperate climate to a wet, damp and cold winter here in Britain, hated by both the population and their Roman masters.
This was of course not all. Many of these people had leprosy and were banished to outposts to await death while relying on local charity for food and water (and we complain about the NHS). Their compound was surrounded by a reverse moat (dug to keep people in rather than keep invaders out) and there they spent their days until relieved by death.
Hence The Burial Ground. Many years ago burial pots were ploughed up and sent to a local museum, but the constant reminder is now the moated and wooded area and the named field that tells such a sad tale.

Thankfully we are more welcoming to those from abroad these days, however we should all be reminded that tolerance is of utmost importance in our world today.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Camouflaged Bales!

Posted on August 16, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I drove across the fields to see if the contractors had completed baling the straw. When I came across some oat bales and snapped one with my phone, I was surprised how well they blended into the background. Then I realised ! was just having a ‘durrrr’ moment and perhaps it was time to switch the brain back on…

Hiding in the field,
like a giant’s cereal biscuit,
could you manage one for breakfast?
Would you dare risk it?
They’re off to the power station,
to make electricity,
pulses down some wires,
to light a distant city!
When they come to collect,
I hope they find them all,
or they’ll trick some unwary walker,
and misfortune will befall!

Many apologies for the poor and obscure rhyming couplets this morning, I’m blaming it on the weather! Have a great day and watch out for those camouflaged bales, maybe things will improve when I have my new glasses!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Last Oats!

Posted on August 12, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

After a delay in harvest of four rain-soaked days, we finally managed to get back to the field and combine the last of the oats. This mornings picture shows the moment the drone captured the topping-up of the last trailer-load from the combine yesterday afternoon. Now all we have left to harvest is the beans which aren’t ready yet…

The last of the oats are in the bin,
my ‘white-strawed’ harvest is now in.
All that is left 86 acres of beans,
(not the sort found in High-School canteens!).
Up to the last, luck was here,
clouds always present during harvest this year.
I wish other farmers sunshine not showers,
so their wives can see smiles, not endless glowers!

I hope you all have a warm sunny weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The Beer Guardian!

Droning on at the Boot Sale!

Wheat Gone!

A Peaceful Picture!

When Giants Meet!

Harvest Home!

Storm Clouds Gathering!

The Burial Ground

The Camouflaged Bales!

The Last Oats!