The Early Morning Sky!

Posted on July 29, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It is strange how some mornings the weather forecast leads to expectations which then don’t materialise. I was expecting pouring rain at 04:30 this morning. I had convinced myself that the early alarm call would be wasted and instead of running my car boot sale, I’d be able to slope off back to the confines of the warm duvet! The sky told a different tale…

I love the early morning sky,
it fascinates me, heaven knows why!
It holds such promise in many ways,
a glimpse of future happy days!
The forecasters promised heavy rain,
a wash-out boot sale, what a pain,
opening the curtains I look out and see,
a wonderful sight facing me!
Hardly a cloud stains the view,
everything is dry, the morning new,
and I can’t slope back off to bed,
but face a dry sunny day instead!

Whatever you’re up to today and wherever in the world you find yourselves, may you enjoy your day and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Slice of Wedding Cake!

Posted on July 27, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last weekend I went to a family wedding in Devon. Having been berated by one of my foreign readers for writing about the journey and leaving the main event uncommented, I thought I’d better see what I could do. Writing about such an occasion will never do it full justice (unless it runs to 7,324 pages!) and so I offer you a slice of wedding cake…

The bride went to the altar,
to wed her handsome man,
the forecast talked of showers,
but all went according to plan.
The reception in a marquee,
a very British affair,
Thought I’d spotted Hugh Grant,
turned out he wasn’t there!
The father of the bride,
delivered an emotional speech,
the guests all toasted everyone,
again for glasses reach!
The photos were full of smiling,
with sunshine all around,
some high heels on the lawn,
seemed to dig into the ground!
Over in the corner,
awaiting rain from heaven,
a line of colourful brollies,
vital accessories in Devon!
“My Lords, Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise a glass (or mug!) to Robert and Rebecca, and wish them a wonderful, long and happy marriage; Robert and Rebecca!”

I must just mention the brides mother who sang the first dance. It was truly amazing and had every guest on their feet applauding. One of the most remarkable and emotionally-charged performances I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing.
Also a big ‘Thank You’ from me to the ‘Northern Crew’ who were so friendly towards a ‘Southern Softee’ and were a true pleasure to meet. May we meet again sometime. BB.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Amateur Bee Keeper!

Posted on July 25, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Following a wedding in Devon, we had a funeral in Chester, a mere 250 miles to the North. The funeral was a true celebration of a life well lived. We stayed with Tony, an amateur bee keeper in Staffordshire. His attitude to this new hobby was rather refreshing…

Tony loves his bees,
he deals with them at ease,
he’s not really sure,
if he wants any more,
but if some swarm by he’ll say ‘please!’

He wears a very strange suit,
along with black Wellington boot,
he carries smoke,
before giving them a poke,
in his honey-questing persuit!

Unless you’re properly dressed it is not a good idea to disturb insects that sting!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Incy Wincy, the Very Large Spider!

Posted on July 20, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

While dusting the edges of the grain barn I came across a very large spider. So large was it, that she reminded me of the children’s nursery rhyme about Incy Wincy Spider and the problems of a downpipe. Unfortunately, being me, I had to take it further and strike up a conversation…

“Good morning Mr Farmer,”
shouted Incy spider across to I,
“You’re not going to hurt me,
‘tis not my time to die.”

“I have forty-nine young children,
three are not at school,
Sharon and Simone are poorly,
Shane is playing football!”

“Nine have left PE kit at home,
twelve have earned detention,
and Sam is in teacher’s very bad books,
for not paying enough attention!”

“My husband’s at the pub,
ogling the barmaid’s six legs,
the silly fool dreams of giving her,
a clutch of fifty eggs!”

By then I’d heard enough,
“Please see your own way out,
troubles you have plenty,
Just mind that water spout!”

Have a great day, may your troubles all be smaller than anticipated.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Little Fella!

Posted on July 19, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve see some strange purchases at the car boot sale over the years. Sometimes I even manage to record it for posterity! Looking through some archive photos I discovered a photo of a little chap being carted off to a new pond…

A gnome was at the bootsale,
just mooching around,
when someone caught his hat,
lifted him clean off the ground!

“How much for the little chap?
he really is quite cute,
I’ve a place in my garden,
I think that he would suit!”

“Put me down you brigand,
I’m being kidnapped from this stall,
He’s taking advantage,
because I’m not that tall!”

“Hush now fella don’t complain
I’m not as cruel as it appears,
I could have picked you up
and carted you by your ears!”

If you’re off pushing your wheelbarrow today I hope nobody picks you up by your hat!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Sweeping the Barn!

Posted on July 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Over the last few weeks the weather has prompted the crops to ripen early. The wheats look as if they will be ready in around fifteen days, a good three weeks or so earlier than a ‘normal’ year, although what is normal is debatable these days! As harvest draws ever closer so my preparations get ever-more frantic. My motto at the moment: ‘We Will Be Ready!’ Son-in-law John ‘swept’ the barn in record time…

Many jobs in farming,
involve choking dust,
but when the devil drives,
then so needs must!
Sweeping out the barn,
harvest drawing near,
ready to fill with wheat,
earn a pint or two of beer!
Son-in-law John,
an idea in his head,
throws away the brush,
uses leaf blower instead!
Yes there is more dust,
through all it he appears,
the barn all swept out
…needs to wash down dust with beers!

Have a great Monday and don’t let the dust get in your eyes!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Confused Dragonfly!

Posted on July 11, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

In life, every day can bring surprises! The other day, while Mrs Bard and I were near the river, a dragonfly landed on my outstretched hand! I was stunned by its beautiful lace wings and delicate but long body and surprised at its weight. A truly memorable brush with a large elusive insect…

The dragonfly landed on my hand,
not a move that it had planned,
“What a pink branch, rather warm,
no obvious flower, nary a thorn!
Lots of wrinkles, plenty of lines,
been around the block, no end of times!
Time is precious, so they say!”
With that the dragonfly flew away.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Inconvenient Customer!

Posted on July 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Anyone who provides conveniences for customers will know what I mean by ‘Inconvenient Customers’. At my Saturday car boot sales I’m proud of the level of praise our portable toilets receive. Hardly a week goes by without a compliment like: “your loos are so much cleaner than that at that *other* car boot sale!” Last Saturday, for the first time in 25 years a customer let me down…

I’d love to meet the customer,
who left my loos in such a mess,
I wish you’d come and told me,
manned up and just confess.
You left it oh so filthy,
I had to lock the door,
later cover myself in overalls,
and steam-clean the filthy floor!
You’d better see your doctor,
that is if you can still walk,
failing that you may consider,
investing in a cork!

With many thanks to the nice people at Toilets+ who service the loos every week, a necessary but unpleasant job.
Want help cleaning the portable loos after a festival or large public event? Don’t bother calling me, I have been there and it’s not a pretty place!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Farm Walk

Posted on July 6, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many rituals in the farming industry that are unique. Amongst the most bizarre is something called ‘The Farm Walk’. You open up your farm to a group of like-minded farmers who not only ‘ooh and ah’ at your successes but long to discover weaknesses in either your weed control or knowledge, in order to make them and their own farms seem better! I used to get numbness of the brain whenever I was host and forget even basic facts about my own farm. However there is always an exception to the rule and last night I went on a farm walk that almost made me want to step into the host farmer’s shoes…

John, Paul and Alexander,
showed us around their farm,
despite some strange agronomy,
t’was no sense of alarm.
Using old and new practices,
‘cover crops’ and ‘mob grazing’
the overall effect,
was not far short of amazing.
They don’t plough the fields and scatter,
no cultivating at all for them,
everything seemed so obvious,
a bottom-line-saving gem.
Their cattle seemed contented,
nearly organic stock,
I almost considered cattle for home,
needed a wine to quell the shock!
So thanks to all involved,
sixty farmers open-mouthed,
Serious considerations,
for ditching scattering and ploughed!
With thanks to the local NFU branches and Weston Park Farms. Their innovative ways can be seen at http://www.groundswellag.com. I am now convinced that theirs may be the way ahead during difficult times to come.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Alice at Eighty!

Posted on July 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening Mrs Bard and I went to an 80th Birthday Party. Nothing unusual you may think, however as people get older these days they seem to get younger. Back in the day, when my grandmother was 80, she looked positively ancient, dressed in black or grey and confined to a chair. These days bright colours and a positive outlook seem to be the order of the day, particularly with Alice…

At a party in her garden,
(resembling The Palace!)
a young and spritely eighty,
we sang “Happy Birthday Alice!”
Wearing a brightly-coloured dress,
made for her daughter’s wedding,
added to a broad wide smile,
led to the years a-shedding.
Later when she opens,
her pile of birthday cards,
she’ll become aware,
all hold her in high regards.

When I was a child she hosted the most amazing children’s birthday parties, I’m pleased to say she’s not lost her magic touch! Happy Birthday Alice!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The Early Morning Sky!

A Slice of Wedding Cake!

The Amateur Bee Keeper!

Incy Wincy, the Very Large Spider!

The Little Fella!

Sweeping the Barn!

The Confused Dragonfly!

The Inconvenient Customer!

The Farm Walk

Alice at Eighty!