‘Bunny Ears’

Posted on June 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I like dogs, I also like most dog owners, however there is a variety of dog owner that I detest. At the Saturday car boot sale that I run, both dogs and their owners are welcome, however every week when we are clearing up the litter, we come across little black bags with ‘bunny ears’…

If you walk in the countryside,
with your favourite dog,
just be aware,
when it leaves behind a ‘log’.
Some owners scoop it up,
and tie those ‘Bunny Ears’
then throw it in a hedge,
where it’ll remain for many years.
So next time in the countryside,
you and your best friend roam,
by all means bag up the poo,
but please just take it home!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Retired Baler!

Posted on June 16, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Twenty years or so ago I bought an old baler for £100 from a local farmer. I baled about 400 bales a year, not many but just enough to make it worth the while. Yesterday I fetched her from her resting place, attached the tractor and put some ‘test bales’ through her. Sadly time had run out and a knotter was broken beyond repair, a great shame as I really enjoyed baling…

My fifty-year-old baler’s broken,
I think beyond repair,
I fetched it from the nettles,
it had been resting there.
I didn’t expect a lot from it,
hadn’t used it for two years,
but when it refused to tie a knot,
it reinforced my fears.
Maybe I’ll try the welder,
spare parts not in stock,
failing that perhaps a visit,
to the local Baler Doc!
But I fear it’s terminal,
the old girl’s out of time,
her baling days are over,
and so alas are mine!

…Just when it is perfect hay-making weather!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Farm Welding Prowess!

Posted on June 15, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many types of welding: Mig, Tig, Gas, Arc and mine! I was taught in evening class over forty years ago and my instructor would be turning grey if he could view my prowess now! To be good at welding you need three things: practice, practice and practice. Despite practising for all those years, metal I weld is held together mostly by luck…

I needed to weld the cultivator,
I’d broken it back in the spring,
I’d found some suitable metal,
now I needed to mend the damn thing!
I clamped the metal together,
having ground the edge to a shine,
If the repair looked unattractive,
I’d deny that it was mine!
I attached the stick to the holder,
put some thick gloves on my hands,
attached the negative electrode,
and proceeded with my welding plans!
Through the mask it was hard to see,
the spark made me jump with surprise,
at the end I expected a straight weld,
I couldn’t believe my eyes…

I’d missed the repair entirely,
and blown a hole in the steel,
my overalls were singed and smouldering,
the mess I was in was surreal.

…I’ll have to wait until someone who knows what they are doing can come to my aid! I was obviously never meant to be let loose with a welder!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Farm Visitors

Posted on June 14, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday was a fun day. Thirty young people came up from North London to see how we farm and what we grow. However learning was not the only item on the menu. The real task was for them to have fun in the woods, and discover for themselves in the old pre-digital way. They didn’t disappoint and as we waved them away from the farm I hope they had as much fun as I did…

Thirty young agronomists,
walking through my fields,
Why do you farm this way?
Is it to improve your yields?
They ask so many questions,
they just want to know,
when, how and why,
and what crops do you grow?

Then later in the woods,
they cross a dried up pond,
pick up sticks and stones,
and discover what’s beyond.
They avoid the stinging nettles,
through the long grass run,
then collapse to have lunch,
a school trip made of fun.

All should host school visits,
whether countryside or town,
help them understand,
how the world keeps turning round!
They are our future,
and from what I can see,
the future is a bright one,
if not fouled up by you and me.

With thanks to all the visitors for giving me such a wonderful day in the countryside!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The End of the Tunnel!

Posted on June 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

After a night of electoral surprises, we are left with an uncertain future. As a nation we have always coped with uncertainty, it’s given us an excuse to link arms and go forward together. Many years go I had an idea for a natural tunnel of greenery over a footpath on our land in order to make the walk slightly unusual. While it hasn’t quite worked out as planned, I’m quite proud of it! Perhaps it is a sign for the future…

When we built a bank,
to stop the cold winter draught,
we planted some bushes,
beside the footpath.
I’d hoped for a tunnel,
through which walkers could walk,
I sort of achieved that,
and made people talk!
Sometimes in life,
when the future’s not clear,
let it work itself out,
something will appear!

Whatever way your election went, let’s now pull together and see what happens!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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We’ve Gotta Crop!

Posted on June 8, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Two months ago, following an April with no rain, our oat crop was heading for disaster. It was thin, yellowing and prospective yields were at rock bottom. This was so plain to see, that during a school visit, an eight-year-old from London asked me how I hoped to grow a crop in rocks (the clay soil had dried out completely). Suddenly rain in the last month has changed the picture dramatically and I am looking forward to harvest…

The Oats are green and thick as well,
the rain has saved a harvest from Hell,
this farmer’s happy, this wasn’t planned,
the rain has made a green and pleasant land!
I only hope the rain will stop,
when we come to harvest the crop!

Have a good day, things sometimes turn out better than expected!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Rainbow Timing!

Posted on June 7, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

With my limited experience with a camera I have always found it difficult to capture the perfect rainbow. I end up either too early or just too late having missed the perfect photo. My effort yesterday evening after a heavy storm was just about ok! Rather like life, it’s all down to timing…

If you’re in the right place,
at the right time,
perfect picture,
perfect rhyme!

Wrong place,
at the wrong time,
the photo’s crap,
useless rhyme!

So may your day,
include the former,
perfect rainbow,
after a soaking stormer!

Have a great day and may you always have rainbows rather than storms.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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D-Day

Posted on June 6, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

According to historians, the run up to June 6th 1944 was accompanied by horrific weather. We must be grateful that the weather cleared, or who knows what the outcome would have been. This morning we were due to have 30 school children from London to visit the farm, the forecasted 40mph winds have led to the trip being postponed…

By 10:30 this morning,
excited voices would have filled the shed,
but alas this stormy morning,
silence rules instead.
They would have discovered,
the feel of linseed, oats and wheat,
and where their breakfast comes from,
to make their day complete!
Then they’d walk through the woods,
discovering as they go,
but the wood is silent this morning,
apart from planes shuttling to-and-fro!
But a postponement isn’t a worry,
(we’ve not had one before)
would have been more disasterous way back then,
…in nineteen-forty-four.

Thinking of all those who made the ultimate sacrifice on D-Day so that we may have the freedom we all enjoy today.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Age Before Youth!

Posted on June 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Over ten years ago Mrs Bard picked a kitchen clock out of the rubbish at the Saturday car boot sale I organise. She put in a new battery and since then it has kept perfect time as it is controlled by a radio signal from Rugby. Yesterday it failed. I put in a new battery to no avail, it was time to wave goodbye…

The old kitchen clock has run out of time,
it’s days in the house are through,
I gave up trying to restart the hands,
“no more can we rely on you!”
I replaced it back upon the wall,
until a replacement found,
and on the internet we did trawl,
for a clock with a wood surround.
The new replacement ordered,
the old clock whirred once more,
and suddenly both hands stopped in place,
Perfect time at ten to four!

So the threat of the dustbin works as a repair mechanism!
Old free clock kicks new £45 clock’s butt! For once age beats youth!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Saturday Weather Gods!

Posted on June 3, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Running any outdoor event in the UK is at the mercy of the weather. Last week, just at the wrong time for my Saturday car boot sale, the heavens opened and we had a very heavy thunderstorm. I have never seen rain as heavy during a sale in the twenty-five years it’s been running. I must have angered the Weather Gods…

The God’s in heaven had a meeting,
“How can we punish him today?
He has been very demanding,
for fine weather on his knees he pray!
He wants fine weather on a Saturday,
so he can host a good boot sale,
every so often we have to punish him,
so as a human he knows how to fail!
Lets move around some furniture,
lightening to make a loud ‘crack’,
a heavy shower with a watering can,
for the boot sale – that’ll be that.”

They reckoned without my customers,
made of sterner stuff they are,
simply took temporary shelter,
by hiding away in the car!
Then the sun came out smiling,
the sale continued as before,
“Drat” said the Gods in their heaven,
“We’ll punish him in the future for sure!”

Whatever you are doing today I hope you stay healthy, lucky and safe. See you the other side of the weekend. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

‘Bunny Ears’

The Retired Baler!

Farm Welding Prowess!

The Farm Visitors

The End of the Tunnel!

We’ve Gotta Crop!

Rainbow Timing!

D-Day

Age Before Youth!

The Saturday Weather Gods!