Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

Top of the Form (fillers)!

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Despite heading for the fire-exit of Europe we still have to fill in forms. At the moment we are fast heading for deadline day for BPS from the RPA (Basic Payment Scheme from the Rural Payments Agency). These are pre-populated forms containing last years cropping information (completed forms with field and crop sizes that may or not be correct and may contain at least one random field from Cornwall or similar). The only way to avoid a stinging penalty is get out the measuring wheel and start from scratch with uncertain field and crop areas…

I pushed my measuring wheel around the farm
It caused humour (and a pain in my arm!)
A man out walking said: “you make me laugh,
don’t you know the size of this ancient footpath?”
I told him “I’ve got to check you see,
field sizes are right for the EEC!
It’s form-filling time and if they’re wrong,
the ensuing penalty could cost me a song.”
He then said, “What on earth are you like?
a typical farmer – only half a bike!”

BPS almost done, just one or two areas to check! If you’re form-filling today, may your head be clear and your glasses clean!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bootsale Topdown!

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According to those who know more than me about photography (that’s anyone with a ‘Box Brownie’ or similar!), the above photo of last weeks car boot sale is known as a ‘Topdown’. If there is an acknowledged way of taking wonderful photos, I haven’t found it yet! I rely mostly on a bit of luck, my DJI Mavic Pro drone and my un-trained eye…

Flying above the bootsale,
somewhat below the clouds,
my brave little drone,
takes topdowns of the crowds!
Sometimes they are acceptable,
sometimes I make a boob,
but sometimes they are good enough,
to put up on my You-Tube!

To see the animated version of the picture above please visit:
https://youtu.be/qJW94iqH-SU
Have a great weekend and stay safe!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
25 YEARS!
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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My Farmer Failings!

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Amongst my many failings, Mrs Bard has one big complaint. Whenever we drive somewhere I’m always looking over the hedge to see what other farmers are doing! From “That doesn’t look a very good field of wheat,” to “That crop looks far better than mine!” Passing a tractor on the road begs the question (sometimes unspoken!) – “What’s he doing? Where’s he going?” Farmers can’t help it although apparently counselling can sometimes help…

If a farmer has a drone,
you’re in the garden with only socks,
he won’t be looking at you,
just at his neighbours’ crops!
If you see a naked knight in the bathroom,
without his suit of armour,

You can take a farmer from the farm,
but never remove it from a farmer!

Have a great day and stay safe. Picture shows Case Quadtrac and Lemkin cultivator – only saying in case you’re interested!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Uncultivated Wild!

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This morning we have a group from a primary school in London coming to visit the farm. One particularly popular part of the visit is when we visit ‘The Zombie Ground’. As it has had no human interference and is wild it may be representative of a post apocalyptic world. Eleven years ago we took a piece of field, fenced it in, and left it to its own devices.  The government advisor at the time suggested that trees would grow even though none were planted. I suggested that if that happened I’d eat my hat. Some trees have grown and so I’d better fetch my cap along with knife and fork…

I’ll be showing the children the ‘Zombie Ground’,
where self-set trees are all around.
I’ll explain to them this morning,
‘no more farming?’ It’s a warning.
The countryside would just go wild,
apart from the odd roaming child.
Living off simply berries and nuts,
not much fun no if’s nor but’s.
But I’ll say “don’t you fear,
we have a harvest every year,”
Then we’ll consider those abroad,
who are hungry and can’t afford,
things that we take for granted,
‘we always harvest all we planted’.

We are so very lucky to live in a land of plenty. The next time you eat, please spare a thought for those who live daily with hunger.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Pan Overboard!

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On the Bank Holiday Mrs Bard and I were invited to go on a short cruise on a river by some friends who own a posh cruiser. While eating a rater fine piece of cake I made a mess on the Wilton and the dustpan and brush went into action. Unfortunately while giving the crumbs to the fish, an accident occurred…

Up went the cry:
“Pan overboard!
it can’t swim,
Oh my Lord!
Attention Captain!
Stop the boat,
it can’t swim,
perhaps it’ll float?”
By swift action,
I’ll not forget,
the pan was saved,
by Annette!

Have a great week and if you’re boating please take care

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Gosling’s Mother!

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There are many times in life when I see an image that takes my breath away and I can admit to being jealous of the photographer. Friend Val is a great wildlife photographer and I asked if I could borrow this picture of our new goslings because I believe it is truly worth ‘a thousand words’. Worry not dear reader, I’m not about to deliver that many words…

Val took this picture,
of our geese having a chat:
“Girls, I told you he wasn’t the father!”
perfect for a photo like that!

Thank you Val for letting me share this with others, wonderful photo.
Have a great weekend. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Nature’s Confetti!

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This time of year we have fleeting moments that mostly we miss in our hurley-burley lives. The daffodils hang their dying heads and the snowdrops are a distant memory. Their places taken by bluebells in the woods and blossom blowing on the wind…

It looks like there’s been a wedding,
on our drive today,
where everyone threw confetti,
as the happy couple went away!

On the trees are Nature’s bouquets,
perfect for the bride,
to walk down the aisle,
with her intended by her side.

But if you look closely,
no bridal party came this way,
just blossom from the trees,
as in the wind they sway!

Have a great weekend. If you are getting married may happiness fill your day.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Disappointment of Rain Gauges!

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Like a small child waking up on Christmas Day, I rushed out to my rain gauge this morning to see what the clouds had left me in the last 24 hours. The result was like getting the train tracks from Santa, with optional station and signal box, but without any rolling stock! However the forecast suggests ‘Light Rain Showers’ from 2pm until midnight…

The disappointment in my rain gauge,
will haunt me all day long,
just 2 millimetres (or an eighth of an inch),
is neither right nor wrong!
I suppose it’s just a case,
of farmers being satisfied,
with what we’ve got (not a lot!),
and accept the weather’s not on our side!
…But there’s is always hope for today!

If you’re looking forward to a sunny day, I hope you find it. However if you spot some rain-bearing clouds, please send them my way (but NOT for Saturday!).

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Mr Bunn’s Big Bag!

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Throughout my farming career there have not been many years when we haven’t used fertiliser from Bunns, an old established company from Norfolk. While waiting for the spreader yesterday, I contemplated the wonderful advancement of the big bag that makes my job of carting to the spreader from the barn so easy. I the days of my youth the man doing the same job used to have to handle 1cwt (50kg) bags by hand, a back-breaking task…

Years ago a Mr Bunn,
said to his wife: “let’s give farmer’s fun!”
They sat in the kitchen with a bottle of Tizer,
“we’ll sell them small bags of fertiliser!”
So for years they made farmers sweat,
(and praying for rain but not too wet!)
After the couple had enjoyed a good laugh:
“Let’s go down a different path!
We’ve made them panic, now let the sweat run,
we’ll fill a bag that weighs a ton!”
Every year it’s easier for me,
they didn’t take into account my JCB!

With many thanks to Bunns and all the fertiliser manufacturers and sellers for initiating a quiet revolution un-noticed by most who drive by our farms.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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April Showers?

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This has been an extraordinary month. April showers have failed to materialise and fertiliser that should have been applied in late-March still sits in the shed a month later. The urea needs moisture to activate it otherwise it just evaporates and no nutrients reach the plant. Luckily we farm heavy clay soil that is well known (and often cursed!) for its moisture retention properties – mostly it’s either hard as rock or wet as muck. This year, despite the dry conditions it is ‘friendly soil’, however I could still do with some rain…

Like passengers at a bus stop,
bags of fertiliser wait in line,
they’ve been queuing for a month,
waiting all this time!
We can’t blame the weather on Brexit,
Trump or even Le Pen,
we want absent April showers,
would help the crops no end!
They say you can’t please a farmer,
no wonder they curse and shout,
lack of rain when needed,
will arrive when the combine’s out!

…despite some slight drizzle yesterday evening, this morning the sun shines like a summer’s morn! Oh well, the one thing nobody control is the weather, so I might as well sit back and enjoy it!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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