The Saturday Rose!

Posted on July 30, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Occasionally, when I have no obvious subject for my daily blog, I choose a picture from my files at random and write. This morning’s picture is simple, however I think we all deserve something simple right now. Hardly a day has gone by recently without the horrific story of an attack dominating the headlines. We deserve a simple rose, have a great weekend, stay safe and enjoy…

A simple rose proud in the garden,
against the wall so white,
It has no need for media,
it’s world is simple and bright.
So this morning as we start up the weekend,
let’s forget the dark in the world,
share love with those around us,
and show them our petals unfurled!

August is just around the corner, stay safe, look after others and enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2016
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The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Return of Ding!

Posted on July 29, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

In our ancient local church we have two bells, one dating from the 14th Century, the other is two centuries younger. Some people affectionally call them Ding and Dong. For some months Ding has been absent and the only peal has been a funereal ‘Dong, Dong, Dong…’ Today there is a wedding in the church, urgent remedial works had to be undertaken…

Wearing my trusty boiler-suit,
not normal seen in church,
I positioned my tallest ladder,
breakage in bell-rope to search!
I carefully climbed each rung,
a bucket in one hand,
with every conceivable tool,
for a tower-repair unplanned.
Through the trapdoor I squeezed,
standing on ancient floor,
on the walls was scratched,
the names that had entered before!
I started up my i-Pad,
Googled ‘joining of a rope’
ended up with a giant knot,
skill-wise I’m beyond all hope!

…but at least it will mean that Ding and Dong will ring out today at the wedding!
With best wishes and many years of happiness to the bride and groom.

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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The Drone that Survived a Sinking!

Posted on July 28, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Two days ago, I told of how my drone landed in the water at the St Neots Regatta (http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=8581). Following hours of being sealed in a vacuum bag with rice, it spent two days on the Aga. My hopes of it flying again weren’t great, I don’t have that sort of luck this year…

In May it was me, who took a fall into the river,
new i-Phone wallet and glasses, insurance deliver!
There followed a call to Alison my agent,
spilt coffee on my laptop, (Boy! was she patient!).
The prospect of another call, caused me to shiver:
“Erm, I seem to have landed, my drone in the river!”

Into a vacuum bag, half full of rice,
I avoided adding carrots (would have been nice!)
Onto the Aga just for two days,
If it flies again, it will amaze.
I took it outside, without all its props,
preparing to fail (I’m used to such flops).
But what is this? the motors are turning,
It’s back in the room, it is returning!
I attach the propellors, it soars in the sky,
I let out a yell, don’t need to know why,
So if you see Alison, and she wears a smile,
she hasn’t heard from me, in quite a while!

Thanks to all those UAV operators who have posted their ‘drowning drone’ stories online thus giving me the courage to attempt a ‘dry-out’. Strangely I could find no success stories, but thanks anyway!
Thanks to Alison at the NFU Mutual who covers my back when things go wrong …and thanks to Max, my advertising executive from Wroxham, who designed a new flyer…

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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Goodbye Bunce The Cat

Posted on July 27, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Pet owners worldwide know the grief that comes with losing a pet. My daughter’s family have just lost Bunce, a cat they rescued in the snow several years ago (hence the name, Bunce, the make of snow plough, on which he was rescued). He was a most unusual cat, who had used up more than his fair-share of lives…

In the deep mid-winter,
quite some years ago,
My daughter and my son-in-law,
rescued a white cat in the snow.
They took him home on the snow-plough,
Injured, cold, afraid,
and very soon the cat called Bunce,
a new home he had made!
In many ways like a dog,
he followed you around,
I’d see him doing ‘his workings’,
keeping all farm rodents down!
So here’s ‘Goodbye’ to Bunce the Cat,
thank you for your love,
if from clouds we hear loud purrings,
we’ll know you’re up above!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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The Swan That Saw The Drone Crash!

Posted on July 26, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

On Sunday after the St Neots Regatta, we had visitors to our boat. It had been rather a trying day as, having filmed some of the action for the Rowing Club with my drone, I misjudged the landing. I soon discovered, like man, it cannot walk on water and it had to be recovered with a boat hook.

A swan and her cygnet came floating by
“Got any food,” the mother’s cry!
When we said we lacked anything to eat,
She replied “You’re a farmer get some wheat!”
When I replied that ‘I’d none here,’
“That’s not good enough I fear,
Next time make sure you do deliver,
no wonder your drone swam in the river!
Come now Precious let us go,
this farmer’s not as bright as those who row!”

Top Tip if flying a drone near water: Take one sealable bag and plenty of rice, place rice and drone in bag and wait. Send for repair if needed!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Fishing Freddie and the Heat!

Posted on July 20, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday in Baldock the temperature rose to 32 degrees Centigrade. On a trip to the town I ran into ‘Fishing Freddie’ a retired machinist whose passion is to sit by a lake, rod in hand and grumble. Unfortunately the heat had driven him into the town…

If you meet Fishing Freddie,
be prepared, you must get ready,
everything in his life is bad,
except fishing, it drives you mad!
I mistakenly asked if he were well,
“Bad ankle and back’s giving me hell!”
His biggest moan was about the heat,
Gold star complaining you couldn’t beat.
Only last month he was complaining,
“Bloody weather, always raining!”
Eventually I had to get away,
knew he’d have the final say:
“Down the lake there’s a moratorium,
hotter than a damn crematorium,
never known it before in my life,
better go home, spend time with the wife!”

Enjoy a wonderful day in the sunshine, you never know what tomorrow might bring!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

I’m Not An Engineer!

Posted on July 15, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

It looked like a simple job. A warning light on the tractor dashboard glowed red along with a buzzer that guaranteed shrilling tinnitus for the next few hours. Unfortunately I hadn’t realised that in the factory, on a clean and brand new tractor, the engineers had an easier and quicker job to install a simple flexible pipe, that on a three-year-old machine that’s dirty, oily and covered up by other parts …

I went to my tractor dealer,
the pipe lay on the counter,
in a clean and pristine condition,
an excellent encounter!
On the journey home,
thought “A speedy job I’ll make,
have it on in half an hour,
in fact ‘a piece of cake!'”
Drove the tractor from the shed,
climbed up upon the rear,
couldn’t see either end,
“not an easy job I fear.”
One hour later I’m fed up,
I view my bloodied hand,
I dropped a vital nut on the floor,
things hadn’t gone as planned!
I need a multi-bending arm,
a finger with a light,
a spanner sewn on my thumb,
a third eye on the right!
I finally finished the ‘piece of cake’
two hours “I need a beer!”
I won’t bother with it again,
I’ll call an engineer!

Note to myself:
Tattoo on arm ‘Don’t Be an idiot – call the boys at Oliver Landpower Luton For JCB Repairs!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Window Moth!

Posted on July 13, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

We are so lucky that there are so many wonderful species on this rock that floats in space! Yesterday I realised how ignorant I am when a moth flew into the house from the garden and I had no idea what it was called. This morning when I put in ‘Moth Identifier’ to Google, it was at the top of the first page…

A moth flew into the kitchen,
yesterday morning,
Granddaughter raised a shout,
a rather noisy warning!
I grabbed my i-Phone quick,
as it flew towards the window,
searching on the screen,
as if playing Nintendo!
Finally it flew and landed,
on the kitchen table,
convenient for this rhyme,
as it’s called an Argent Sable!

To some it’s known as Rheumaptera hastata, but it’s too early in the morning to find something that rhymes with ‘hastata’ and I’ve only had a single coffee!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

What When and How!

Posted on July 12, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Today we have our annual inspection. Passing this examination leads to stickers which are attached to a passport which accompanies every load of grain and pulses that leaves the farm. This assures the end user that we have taken all legislative and ‘best-practice’ steps to safeguard the quality and provenance of that crop, from planting to harvest and every operation in-between. Such an undertaking requires gold-star record-keeping of every operation…

What, When and How,
important words today,
we have our annual inspection,
fail it and we’ll pay.
It’s all about traceability,
to show you’re not a fraud,
alas it doesn’t apply,
to foodstuffs from abroad!

Mrs Bard has been busy,
with my paper-work,
it’s now all in one file,
(I drive her quite beserk!)
They’ll inspect all my records,
the barns and chemical store,
and thanks to Mrs Bard’s patience,
it’ll be alright I’m sure!

Whatever you are doing today may it be successful and may you too get stickers!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Blackgrass Kills Crop

Posted on July 7, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Blackgrass threatens and outgrows wheat

When things go wrong with a crop they are generally highly visible. My father would approach June with a nervousness normally associated with dentistry, just in case Essex farmers, passing on the road to a major show or event, might just spot weeds on his fields! This year, as a result of much rain at key times rendering highly expensive chemicals useless, my wheat is full of a highly-invasive grass weed called ‘Blackgrass’. One field has so much that this morning we are going to spray off and kill the crop, far too early to harvest, in order to attempt to halt the weed’s annual progress…

Watch out Blackgrass here we come,
the Sherriff’s after you with his ‘gun!’
You killed my wheat, stole my yield,
now I’ve got you surrounded in my field.

We’ve driven the crop in the tractor,
made the decision – a harrowing factor.
Despite the loss, not one to be crowed,
At least it can’t be seen from the road!

Sometimes in farming you have to stand up to nature’s bullies.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The Saturday Rose!

The Return of Ding!

The Drone that Survived a Sinking!

Goodbye Bunce The Cat

The Swan That Saw The Drone Crash!

Fishing Freddie and the Heat!

I’m Not An Engineer!

The Window Moth!

What When and How!

Blackgrass Kills Crop